My Daughter nearly set the house on Fire ..HELP ???

Gemsgalore

Hi Keys, Another thing to keep in mind when teaching kids is your tone of voice. I think its really important that kids have a slight 'healthy fear of you' ......if you know what I mean. That doesn't mean they cower in terror every time you move.....it's more a case of......they know who is in charge and it aint them!

I think some parents aren't strict enough for fear of their child not liking them. This is silly as kids won't dislike you for your discipline, they will respect you. Mine know when I lower my tone of voice, look them straight in the eye and speak slowly that they are at risk of pushing me too far......thats all it takes and they immediately stop what they are doing. Maybe you could try this, it won't happen right away if you haven't been using this voice from the beginning but she will learn quite quickly what it means.

I do agree with those who said that she is attention seeking, she may well be jealous of your relationship with your partner, 3 isn't too young to feel these emotions. As long as you know that you have been fair with her and given her plenty of your time and cuddles then she needs to learn and respect that mum needs her own time too.

No one said parenting was easy, it's damn hard work and exhausting, but worth every bit of it. Please get that new gate asap before something awful happens, hope things improve for you soon

Mrs_Beatson

Another 10p worth from me.

Have kept up with this thread because I'm hoping OP will find a solution. It's not easy having kids at the bests of times and I for one have spent my time learning as I go along and boy I bet Ive made some mistakes along the way.

I'm REALLY shocked by some of the "frank opinions" shall we say. I'm pretty sure the OP didn't ask for a shredding of her personal life in her original post, and I feel we should ALL bear in mind the fact that it is very difficult to encompass ALL details of your WHOLE life in one post.

May I remind everyone that on the right of every page in the forums are the words " Pls be nice to all MoneySavers. There's no such thing as a stupid question, and even if you disagree courtesy helps." I think that sums it up beautifully.

I truely hope Keys that you have found some useful ideas from here and that you find a way forward with your daughter. Just remember, it doesn't last forever!!

MrsB

laurz

It sounds as if you're doing afab job but have a very bright child who is testing the boundaries.

There is no right answer! you just have to be firm and consistent with whatever method you use.

Remember it is just a phase and it will get better (albeit only when she moves onto another 'phase').

pipkin71

keys wrote: »

The other morning my boyfriend came downstairs at 6.30 am and found the oven on fire because she had placed loads of plastic in there and a full bag of sugar along with whatever else {which I dont know because they were burnt to cinders } . Its a good job he is a fireman as I wouldve probably slept through and he recognised the smell .Otherwise neither of us would probably be alive now after the fumes would have killed us after another hour or so.!!!

I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but the first thing I thought, especially when you mention your boyfriend is a fireman, was where were the smoke detectors?

Knowing how easily fire can kill, it doesn't cost much to protect yourself and your family.

Will continue reading now.

Edited to add: have now read about the smoke detectors. Seems I wasn't the only one to ask

pipkin71

angel223 wrote: »

I dont believe your allowed to put an outside lock or bolt on a kids bedroom door. maybe go with an extra high gate on the stairs

I wouldn't dream of locking my children in their rooms, so would agree with the high gate.

pipkin71

PasturesNew wrote: »

She's 3 and on her 3rd "dad" ...

I did wonder if this was part of the reason the child is behaving how she is.

It's quite common for children to act out when their parents separate and it sounds as if the girl is close to her first 'step-dad', if he has her every few weeks.

pipkin71

se999 wrote: »

We got a very light little catch and put it on their bedroom doors, if they were desperate to get out, it would give way, but we'd have heard hopefully. We did this after one of ours decided to fill the bath in the middle of the night, they could have drowned, and they nearly flooded the house. Fortunately we woke up. We did have stairgates at the top of the stairs too, hadn't realised until then that the bathroom was as bad as anything downstairs.

DD1 tried running a bath once, in the middle of the night.

I removed the plugs

I wouldn't go for a lock on your daughter's door OP, but can you lock the kitchen door during the night?

Edited to add, I see that's not possible.

keys wrote: »

toskinny : I have mentioned earlier but not to worry
I have an open plan stairs leading into the kitchen from upstairs

Steel_2

Originally Posted by PasturesNew
She's 3 and on her 3rd "dad" ...

pipkin71 wrote: »

I did wonder if this was part of the reason the child is behaving how she is.

It's quite common for children to act out when their parents separate and it sounds as if the girl is close to her first 'step-dad', if he has her every few weeks.

I think you need to go back and read post 36 onwards.

The figures on how many fathers the child has had seemed to be plucked out of thin air by this particular poster and are incorrect.

Please read the thread further.

keys_2

Thankyou to all the ideas and support I have had on this thread . I havnt been online for a few days so Ive just read through the later ones .
Over the weekend she has been away with her grandad meeting his family , I missed her very much ,but I also took this time to explain before she went and today when she came back that there is going to be new rules , so that she and me are prepared. So over the weekend I have looked into getting a bigger gate and ive devised a few rules that I am going to stick to .
She is looking forward to making a reward chart with me later today , and she also knows there is going to be a time out chair at home , which she said they have at nursery but they have a bed there . So I think thats a good idea as she understands at nursery what the time out means .
Also my ex has popped round today and had a word with her so she understands I now have support , which is a good help for me.
I also plan to make changes gradually over the week so she doesnt feel that I am just playing rules to her all the time . And when we make the reward chart together later I am going to involve the daily fun activities I do do with her anyway I will explain some of these may not happen if she misbehaves ..i,e going to the park on her bike / scooter , visiting the pet shop etc. So if she misbehaves she will still go to the park but without her bike etc for example.
I dont expect miracles over night but I live in hope that if I stick to it , then things will gradually improve , as she is extremely well behaved for me at times and is always for other people so I do believe we can make life alot easier for ourselves if I stick to it .

I will keep you posted on how it all goes soon , who knows I may have positive results by the end of the week

keys_2

Hello , I just thought I would pop in and update you on my progress with dd , seeing as you have all helped me so much .

Things are looking good and im very positive of the results so far .
She has been downstairs once on her own this week in the morning - She put a dvd on and sat watching it { no mess in the house } I made my presence known after 1/2 hr of spying on her and getting myself dresssed etc . I then praised her lots for being good , whilst also explaining she is to wake me first before she goes downstairs . And hey presto , she woke me this morning :T

I used the time out { naughty chair } yesterday for the first time , due to her refusing to put something back in her room that she threw downstairs { a childrens stool } . I must admit I would normally ignored this behavouir for an easier life , but I choose to use this as an example that she must do as she is told by me .

She did keep getting off the chair , so I kept replacing her back onto the chair without giving her eye contact or speaking . { when i first put her there I told her in a firm voice that she was to stay there for how long and why }
This did go on for over 15 minutes as she then thought it was a game running off the chair . I kept my cool . But I then did resort to restraining her on the chair which did last around another 8 minutes as she got a way a few times - In between screaming help { who knows what the neightbours were thinking }
In the end she did apologies , after sitting still for the 3 minutes .

However after this I told her to put the stool back and she refused :eek:.... I then distracted her and told her if she wanted to help she was to put the stool back ..she then did

I just want to know did I do the correct thing after she still refused to put the item back ?
And should I have restrained her ?

Other than that I think it worked as a whole because she gave her dolly time out later on for not behaving and listening to her ...:rotfl: