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My Daughter nearly set the house on Fire ..HELP ???
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When my DD was 3, we had a period of her just losing it completely, going completely barmy.
She wouldn't sit on the naughty step, went mad if you tried to get her to do it.
I ended up holding her from behind, on my lap, she couldn't move and couldn't do anything, until she calmed down. Once she realised I was stronger than her and I was willing to sit there for as long as I needed to, she got the message.
I have to admit that she was a bloody handful even then, surprisingly strong.Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.0 -
Yes i think I will try this , maybe start off with 1/2 hr quiet time and gradually build it up to 2 hoursTo make sure I have some time to myself (without it I would go nuts) I introduced 'quiet time'. This happens between 1pm and 3pm every day....to coincide with when my youngest naps. This means he is in bed and the girls are allowed to choose a dvd to watch and given blankets. It took a lot of reinforcing, that quiet time was quiet time, but its been well worth it. They dont sleep but get to refresh themselves., I get time to sort myself out, do some housework...waste time on MSE :eek: and generally feel more 'adult' again before the afternoon shift begins. Perhaps this is something you could do with your daughter to make sure you are getting some time too and she is learning she doesnt need your attention 100% all day.
Thankyou Beeston for your posts , I will also have a naughty chair in the kitchen now I think .:)
I have thought about puttting a bolt on her bedroomdoor to prevent her going downsatirs and maybe putting a potty in her room . I will have to nail the window locked though as after 3 years I am still waiting for the key for the window to lock it . So i have been put off by this idea in the past but if it stops her setting the house on fire I guess i will have to do it .
Im also worried about doing this incase she does wet the bed - Do I go in and change the sheets and ignore her - or is this adding more attention to the situation which will begin another problem ? And it doesnt seem fair to leave her in a wet bed if this does happen , which also I do not want the problem of her wearing nappies , which again may start another problem later on for us .?Ebay Bag A Day Challenge 2012- :staradmin
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Yes i think I will try this , maybe start off with 1/2 hr quiet time and gradually build it up to 2 hours
Thankyou Beeston for your posts , I will also have a naughty chair in the kitchen now I think .:)
I have thought about puttting a bolt on her bedroomdoor to prevent her going downsatirs and maybe putting a potty in her room . I will have to nail the window locked though as after 3 years I am still waiting for the key for the window to lock it . So i have been put off by this idea in the past but if it stops her setting the house on fire I guess i will have to do it .
Im also worried about doing this incase she does wet the bed - Do I go in and change the sheets and ignore her - or is this adding more attention to the situation which will begin another problem ? And it doesnt seem fair to leave her in a wet bed if this does happen , which also I do not want the problem of her wearing nappies , which again may start another problem later on for us .?
For about six pound you can buy a window lock from B&Q we did this as my daughters have a velux in their room that it wasnt impossible for them to open. Very easy to install and then just keep the key in a safe place. We have also always kept a potty in the girls room, they know its just for night time/early morning use, as there isnt a toilet on their level.
If your daughter does have an accident, draw no attention to it at all, just change, remind gentley about using the potty. No child really likes to sit in wet pyjamas/bed so if she does do it, it wont last for long as long as you make sure she doesnt find its a way to get more attention from you by doing so.:starmod:Sealed Pot Challenge Member 1189:starmod:0 -
I dont believe your allowed to put an outside lock or bolt on a kids bedroom door. maybe go with an extra high gate on the stairs (they are for dogs but work brilliant on kids too my first daughter was a climber).
we had some problems when my youngest started nursery so worked with the nursery staff to re inforce everything. what we found worked the best was a reward chart and naughty corner together (also having the same things in place at nursery so it was consistant). first we rewarded her for one day good behaviour then 2 and so on so she was able to get the message that good behaviour brings good things (we found making her wait to long for her treat early on got us nowhere as she would just give up trying to be good), the naughty corner was harder as little one is very stubborn fortunatly her mum (me) is faaaaar more stubborn and we got there in the end. she still has her reward chart and naughty corner but im pleased to say the chart is full of stars and the naughty corner has a bit of dust on it.0 -
Fit smoke alarms and fire/heat alarms. You can also fit thermal fuses www.bes.co.uk part no 17879, consider a water block part no 13756 to protect against accidental flooding or fit self-closing taps part no 13774, a natural gas alarm part no 13059 which can be linked to shut off the gas supply.0
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Hi, keys. Have been through this kind of thing with one and about to go throught it with second DD. Nothing this extreme though.
Its already been said, but the "key" is to praise all the behaviour you see from her that is desirable, and to ignore all the behaviour from her that isn't. Works with stroppy 16 year olds as well! Obviously you can't ignore the oven on fire, but you can deal with it as calmly as poss and not give her attention for it.
My DDs do not go downstairs without an adult, oldest is 7 now, they are allowed to play upstairs or in our room at a reasonable getting up time, until we get up. She does sound like she needs really close supervision, and this will be at the expense of your rest and relaxation, there is no way around it.
When DD1 was this age, and I was a single parent and needed to shower, I put her in a playpen until she was big enough to get out and then my Dad fixed tiny brass hooks to the very tops of the doors, so I could know she would stay in the room where she was safe. This is a possible(cheap) alternative to baby gates, but my DD2 who is around your little one's age, has a gate on her bedroom door.
It sounds like the situation with your ex and his family needs careful diplomacy, while at the same time having her best interests at heart. Don't envy you that one, but I think the really important thing is what you and your partner do at home.
Lots of luck and hugs.Please do not confuse me with other gratefulsforhelp. x0 -
She's 3 and on her 3rd "dad" ... maybe she doesn't like leaving you alone because she's thinking it's time you replaced her, or when's her time to be replaced ... or you might be replaced. Maybe the naughty stuff is just to see how far she can push you before you tell her she's going to be sent away, put in a children's home/whatever.0
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PasturesNew wrote: »She's 3 and on her 3rd "dad" ... maybe she doesn't like leaving you alone because she's thinking it's time you replaced her, or when's her time to be replaced ... or you might be replaced. Maybe the naughty stuff is just to see how far she can push you before you tell her she's going to be sent away, put in a children's home/whatever.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read the OP's posts. Basically OP is lying in bed with yet another new man and three year old is left to her own devices. Of course she has no respect for you!0 -
The last 2 posts are way too judgemental!!
Keys I cant offer much advice i'm afraid I was just totally shocked by those 2 comments. My ds was a handful at that age and he still can be at 10 lol, it makes it alot harder on you if others dont back you up(speaking from experience here) you need to speak with ex and come to some decisions together.:oIn 2009 i finally gave up smoking Have been smoke free for 3 years!!!!!!
Weight Watchers starting weight 12.6
Target weight 10st current weight - -10 st 7lb
Aim to be debt free by Jan 2013! not now just bought a house:D0 -
Just to add that supernanny USA advises that the naughty step should most definitely not be in the child's room, it should be a seperate area defined by a chair, mat etc. Or it could even be the bottom stair. the reason for it not being the bedroom is you expect your child to sleep there and possibly play there and making it the naughty step too is sending out confused messages. which makes sense IMHO.
I think though it's important to be clear in all of the little things as well as the big things about where you draw the line. and to be totally consistent, one a child gets the message that sometimes they can get away with things they will play up constantly...0
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