How many of you blame you OH for just being 'men'?!

Lotus-eater

ninky wrote: »

it's not a man thing it's all to do with how you were brought up and what you were taught to do as a child. if men are messy it's because they learnt this was okay when they were young.

Well my Mum taught me to clear up after myself, tidy my bedroom all the time and I couldn't wait to get away from it.

Actually I have a feeling my OH is on a mission to see how long she can leave it before I sort it all out atm.
Trouble is my threshold is alot lower than hers.

I like being messy! I like being tidy as well, but y'know, being messy isn't all that bad.

chewmylegoff

gabyjane wrote: »

snip

i'm probably just as bad as your oh. i leave mess everywhere. my oh knew about this before we moved in together. i said i wanted to get a weekly cleaner and that i would pay for it (we can easily, easily afford it). she refused saying that we were perfectly capable of cleaning the house ourselves and she didn't want someone she didn't know coming into the house. i do some stuff, washing up, laundry, ironing etc. but she always harps on at me for not doing as much housework as her. the way i see it, she brought it on herself!

andrealm

I don't think it's a man thing and I don't believe in making excuses for them. DH and I are both pretty messy but there are plenty of men who are very tidy. But my DH does do a lot around the house, he's not lazy, although sometimes he just doesn't seem to see things that need doing unless they're pointed out to him.

Person_one

chewmylegoff wrote: »

i'm probably just as bad as your oh. i leave mess everywhere. my oh knew about this before we moved in together. i said i wanted to get a weekly cleaner and that i would pay for it (we can easily, easily afford it). she refused saying that we were perfectly capable of cleaning the house ourselves and she didn't want someone she didn't know coming into the house. i do some stuff, washing up, laundry, ironing etc. but she always harps on at me for not doing as much housework as her. the way i see it, she brought it on herself!

So if you'd had the once a week cleaner would you have left your dirty dishes to pile up all week waiting for the cleaner?

Gemsgalore

*Louise* wrote: »

On the other hand, there are times I can come home and he has done all the dishes, and perhaps moved the sofas to clean under them......so it's not like he never does anything

OMG.....you have found a man who actually moves the furniture rather than hoover around it !!!!!

Where on earth did you find this specimen. Are you sure he is male

chewmylegoff

Person_one wrote: »

So if you'd had the once a week cleaner would you have left your dirty dishes to pile up all week waiting for the cleaner?

not all week, but i'd have left them for a couple of days before the cleaner came.

ninky_2

i'd be interested in how many women check the tyre pressure of the car, check the oil and water and make sure the car is serviced etc. again this is not just a 'woman' thing. it's to do with education and cultural expectation. technically it's no harder to change a duvet cover or bake a cake than it is to check the oil but for some reason many women think it's not something they can manage.

Tia_24

My OH is incredibly tidy and over the years this has rubbed off on me too. We share the chores around the house, I cook and he washes up etc. Occasionally he'll clean the bathroom etc but I tend to do it as I notice the dirt/cat hair first! However, he does sometimes have a problem distinguishing between "cleaning" and "tidying up" - they are not the same thing, one involves using a cloth of some sort!!

rainbow81

As someone who is naturally messy (I am a woman) I found that when I was with my ex-OH who was, not tidier as such, but more motivated to remember that the washing up needed doing, I would really just let him do it. He cooked most evenings but I dealt with the laundry and the hoovering/dusting etc, though I probably not as efficiently as he would have liked.

Now I live alone (well, with my DS) and I am much tidier, I pick up after myself so that in the morning I will wake up ready to start the day and not with that depressing feeling of seeing mess everywhere.

I don't think your DH will change while you are doing what you are doing. You either need to agree on a rota and stop the nagging, or just put up with it. I do think some people are not programmed to pick up after themselves so what would you be happy with? Say he does the washing up every night and puts the bins out, would you then be happy to tidy up his blankets and coffee jar? I don't think you are going to get perfection so try to reach a compromise

sleepymy

ninky wrote: »

i'd be interested in how many women check the tyre pressure of the car, check the oil and water and make sure the car is serviced etc. again this is not just a 'woman' thing. it's to do with education and cultural expectation. technically it's no harder to change a duvet cover or bake a cake than it is to check the oil but for some reason many women think it's not something they can manage.

Oh does the tyre pressure and that's it, I sort the rest out. He didn't even drive when we met and I had my own car so I sort out most things for it, including what car we'll have when changing plus test driving and buying it. I control the finances and he cooks, cleans, shops as best he can. We don't have gender roles in our home, we just both work to our strengths and muddle though life together.