Problem with a work colleague!

dwichmann

I was in the same situation and hated it. Car sharing is great financially but you lose all of your independance. I liked to be flexible with when i started and finished work and really enjoyed the half hour drive home. Telling someone is difficult as their is no way to do it without looking bad, personally i came up with lots of different excuses and became very unreliable, the other person soon got the hint.

Mutter_2

I did a temp packing job once for 3 months.

We worked in pairs, three weeks in my packing partner said she's have to leave as she'd no longer be able to get in. I offered both morning and evening lifts, travelling through town rather than the by-pass.

Paying was never discussed and she was always punctual. Although half my age, we got on really well and had a great laugh.

As the packing had ruined her nails, come Christmas and leaving the job, I emptied a stationery box, one with drawers and tassels, and filled it with hand stuff, nail polish etc.

Gave her the last lift home. Handed her the gift, she said goodbye, got out of the car and didn't even say thanks for all the lifts I'd given her, let alone a Christmas card.

I thought when she got home and saw how thoughtful the gift was, she would phone and say thanks, but that didn't come either.

Some people in life are I'm afraid, born users.

PolishBigSpender

mazza111 wrote: »

Tend to agree with Paddy's mum on this one.

I personally don't mind giving people a lift if it's on my way. Or tell them I can drop you off at A because I'm not driving through B as it's not on my way.

Is it such a big deal to give her a lift if you are going that way anyway? I realise there are days that you won't need/want to go straight home from work, or maybe she could contribute something to your petrol costs?

I agree here. What is the problem if you're driving this way anyway?

Benson

I once used to give people lifts and even went out of my way on quite a few occassions but then realised i was being taken for a ride!

One time I gave someone a lift and they flung the door open damaging by putting a big dent and crease in it, they just looked at me with a whoops face, never apologised or even offered to pay for the damage, £160 later and all lifts stopped!

Its not only petrol thats an outgoing on your car, its the tax, servicing, MOT, insurance and what if she broke something (the seat maybe:rotfl:) would she pay for it? I bet not!!!

I know some people are saying you are being mean, but I think she is walking all over you. She would have to pay for transport if you weren't there so basically is pocketing the money, even a gift or the offer of money would be nice but SHE IS BEING SELFISH so you need to start putting yourself first too!

I used to be a doormat but people push you too far and now I stand up for myself, people will respect you more for standing upto these bullies in the long run and then they'll never ask you again, bonus!!

DevilsAdvocate1

I'm absolutely mortified reading this thread. When I was 18 I moved to the other side of the country to live near my fiancee. I didn't know anyone (other than fiancee), had £65 in my pocket and no job.

Within a few days I had a job offer - in a town 10 miles from where I was living. The bus journey took 2 hours as I had to go into Bristol and then get another bus out. In the car it took just 20 minutes. Problem was I didn't have a car. And with £65 to last until my first payday I didn't have money for anything.

I was so lucky. My boss asked some of the people he knew if they would give me a lift. One lady could pick me up 2 mornings and drop me off on 3 evenings. A man would drop me off on the days he was in (he travelled a lot). Somehow in the 4 months I worked there I only actually got the bus to work twice and I always got a lift home.

I am mortified to think that they would think I was a free loader. I would have loved the freedom of having a car, of being able to drive myself to work, but there was no way I could afford it. I couldn't even afford to eat as most of my £65 went on a deposit for a bedsit. They were great in my office, offering me loads of biscuits as they must have noticed that I never ate. It took me 4 or 5 weeks before I started to have some money.

The lady the OP talks about sounds really down on her luck. Her husband is disabled and perhaps can't work. Sounds like they've gone down to one car too. Money is tight - that's not freeloading, its simply not having any. Freeloading would be lolling about not looking for a job and not working.

Whatever happened to helping people who are less fortunate? I know I was very grateful to those who helped me and I did get them a small gift for the last journery home. Don't think I'd got her anything in the previous 4 months though - I simply didn't have the money. I did always say "Thank you" though as I got out of the car.

A good friend of mine seemed to have everything and then one day her husband went out for a bike ride and had a bad accident. He is now in a wheelchair - paralysed from just below the chest. I think this is quite a wake up call - who knows what could happen in our lives tomorrow or the day after. Who knows when the OP might need help. I hope those around her are more understanding than she is.

D.

red_devil

i had a situation once where a friend and I joined a skittles team she could drive i couldnt so she picked me up but it was not out of her way!

I bought a present to thank her but she was still annoyed that she had to use the car she wanted to play as well though it wasnt just me getting something out of it.

BitterAndTwisted

I don't believe that most people would not want to help someone in desperate need but I think the real issue for the OP is that she is being taken for granted where there has been no discussion and no explicit request and that is very, very rude indeed. Being unwillingly placed under an obligation is irksome in the extreme and would make me very angry regardless of another person's misfortune. This lady has no manners therefore she should not be expecting anyone to do anything for her, ever.

Zazen999

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I'm absolutely mortified reading this thread. When I was 18 I moved to the other side of the country to live near my fiancee. I didn't know anyone (other than fiancee), had £65 in my pocket and no job.

Within a few days I had a job offer - in a town 10 miles from where I was living. The bus journey took 2 hours as I had to go into Bristol and then get another bus out. In the car it took just 20 minutes. Problem was I didn't have a car. And with £65 to last until my first payday I didn't have money for anything.

I was so lucky. My boss asked some of the people he knew if they would give me a lift. One lady could pick me up 2 mornings and drop me off on 3 evenings. A man would drop me off on the days he was in (he travelled a lot). Somehow in the 4 months I worked there I only actually got the bus to work twice and I always got a lift home.

I am mortified to think that they would think I was a free loader. I would have loved the freedom of having a car, of being able to drive myself to work, but there was no way I could afford it. I couldn't even afford to eat as most of my £65 went on a deposit for a bedsit. They were great in my office, offering me loads of biscuits as they must have noticed that I never ate. It took me 4 or 5 weeks before I started to have some money.

The lady the OP talks about sounds really down on her luck. Her husband is disabled and perhaps can't work. Sounds like they've gone down to one car too. Money is tight - that's not freeloading, its simply not having any. Freeloading would be lolling about not looking for a job and not working.

Whatever happened to helping people who are less fortunate? I know I was very grateful to those who helped me and I did get them a small gift for the last journery home. Don't think I'd got her anything in the previous 4 months though - I simply didn't have the money. I did always say "Thank you" though as I got out of the car.

A good friend of mine seemed to have everything and then one day her husband went out for a bike ride and had a bad accident. He is now in a wheelchair - paralysed from just below the chest. I think this is quite a wake up call - who knows what could happen in our lives tomorrow or the day after. Who knows when the OP might need help. I hope those around her are more understanding than she is.

D.

Did you miss the bit about her accepting different hours saying that OP would be able to giver her a lift without actually asking the OP or offering any £ for fuel?

paddy's_mum

Devil'sAdvocate - you have nothing to worry about. You were grateful and appreciative. You made very sure that you said thank you. You've remembered their kindness all this time. You're obviously a very pleasant person otherwise your boss and colleagues would not have bothered to offer whatever help they could see you needed.

The lady in the OP's situation is displaying not a scrap of gratitude and to state to another colleague that OP is (tantamount) to her own free taxi service is both presumptuous and offensive. Most people are happy to be led but will not be pushed. By what right does the lady in question make these demands of others without a morsel of consent from them?

She is a whisker away from bullying her colleagues over these lifts and if she is so lacking in consideration for others or sensitivity for their freedoms, then she deserves to reap what she's sown.

Sometimes, it's not what you ask that is the problem - it's how you ask!

aspinallkate

I think you should just leave work earlier and don't tell her, she will soon get the message:rotfl: