Problem with a work colleague!

Benson

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I'm absolutely mortified reading this thread. When I was 18 I moved to the other side of the country to live near my fiancee. I didn't know anyone (other than fiancee), had £65 in my pocket and no job.

Within a few days I had a job offer - in a town 10 miles from where I was living. The bus journey took 2 hours as I had to go into Bristol and then get another bus out. In the car it took just 20 minutes. Problem was I didn't have a car. And with £65 to last until my first payday I didn't have money for anything.

I was so lucky. My boss asked some of the people he knew if they would give me a lift. One lady could pick me up 2 mornings and drop me off on 3 evenings. A man would drop me off on the days he was in (he travelled a lot). Somehow in the 4 months I worked there I only actually got the bus to work twice and I always got a lift home.

I am mortified to think that they would think I was a free loader. I would have loved the freedom of having a car, of being able to drive myself to work, but there was no way I could afford it. I couldn't even afford to eat as most of my £65 went on a deposit for a bedsit. They were great in my office, offering me loads of biscuits as they must have noticed that I never ate. It took me 4 or 5 weeks before I started to have some money.

The lady the OP talks about sounds really down on her luck. Her husband is disabled and perhaps can't work. Sounds like they've gone down to one car too. Money is tight - that's not freeloading, its simply not having any. Freeloading would be lolling about not looking for a job and not working.

Whatever happened to helping people who are less fortunate? I know I was very grateful to those who helped me and I did get them a small gift for the last journery home. Don't think I'd got her anything in the previous 4 months though - I simply didn't have the money. I did always say "Thank you" though as I got out of the car.

A good friend of mine seemed to have everything and then one day her husband went out for a bike ride and had a bad accident. He is now in a wheelchair - paralysed from just below the chest. I think this is quite a wake up call - who knows what could happen in our lives tomorrow or the day after. Who knows when the OP might need help. I hope those around her are more understanding than she is.

D.

I don't doubt that if she was very gracious and polite in asking if she could have a lift without expecting it, and above all, telling others that she will give her a lift and presuming it, never mind never saying please and thank you and having decent manners then it may be a different story.

Even if she explained that she was broke but if they could work out something where she could offer a little bit of money as a gesture then it wouldn't be so bad, but this woman is just a user!

Plus it sounds like this woman always has money to go out to the cinema? If you're that broke the necessities come first im afraid!!
Having no money and a difficult home situation does not give her the excuse to be rude, presumptuous and down right selfish!

Pollycat

Absolutely agree with the comments made by Paddy's Mum and Benson about this woman taking it as read that Kittie will provide a lift and not being polite and grateful.

Mister_aaa

Does she even say thank you?

If not, give her a 3 strikes and out, 3 days no thank you, lifts stop and tell her why.

mackemdave

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I agree here. What is the problem if you're driving this way anyway?

Read the thread and you will find out....the lady doing the driving enjoys her "ME" time...iebeing in the car on her own....nothing wrong with that is there???

Bogof_Babe

mackemdave wrote: »

Read the thread and you will find out....the lady doing the driving enjoys her "ME" time...iebeing in the car on her own....nothing wrong with that is there???

I agree. It's almost like someone saying "mind if I sit in your living room while I wait for my bus, as your house is right next to my stop?". You might offer once, if it's someone you know and there's torrential rain, but if they started letting themselves in every day you'd be more than a little miffed.

Kittie doesn't owe this colleague any favours, and one of the few freedoms we have left in this country is to travel to work in peace if we so wish.

Pollycat

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I agree here. What is the problem if you're driving this way anyway?

mackemdave wrote: »

Read the thread and you will find out....the lady doing the driving enjoys her "ME" time...iebeing in the car on her own....nothing wrong with that is there???

PBS
I think it's one thing to offer to give someone a lift to help them out, but when that person just assumes that it will continue and doesn't offer any financial contribution towards the journey and maybe doesn't even say 'Thank you', then they are taking advantage of you.

Or don't you see that as a problem?

Primrose

Any chance you can change your working hours for a temporary period of time? That would obviously be inconvenient for her.

Bonnie2009

Devil's Advocate, I think yours was a situation where nobody would mind giving you a life - nobody was giving you a lift every morning/night, you were very young and obviously starting off in your working life. It sounds as though your workmates took a kind of parental role in making sure you were okay - I'm sure all of us who have children can identify with that.

In the OP's situation, I wonder whether those who are saying that the OP is selfish for not giving her work mate a lift have actually got their own cars and have that time driving to work in the early morning and late afternoon when they mentally separate themselves from home and then from work. It maybe that unless you've been in that situation, you just don't understand how necessary that time is.

I used to give a friend at work a lift - she used to get the bus home and I would give her a lift every night. It was a tiny bit out of my way, but I loved those trips as we'd both unwind together and the journey time would flash by. I'd have another half hour driving after dropping her off, though, so I still got that time on my own.

I think most of us would respond to someone saying in private, 'Could you possibly do me a massive favour? My husband and I are really broke at the moment because he can't work as he's disabled. I'm not allowed to drive his car and in any case he may need it to get about, as he can't walk too well. The train fare is so expensive that often I can't afford to pay my bills. Would you mind giving me a lift to work until we get straight?' And then buy some wine or something at the end of the week and say thank you sincerely at the end of each trip.

The OP's work mate isn't doing that - she's assuming she can have her own way and I'd feel resentful, too, in the OP's position.

flower7

Got it!

Tell her you car has failed the Mot and you will be using public transport so she can't have a lift. The downside is you will have to use public transport for a few days and then just run out of the office when you go back to using your car!

or

Plot with four other work people to car share in one of their cars for a week and say sorry there is no room for you!

This is lying and a bit extreme but then you don't have to actually say I don't want to give you a lift.

good luck this is a real toughie I really feel for you.

kittiej

Hello everyone.

Well there was a little bit of a development today, and actually it's not too far from flower's post:(

The brakes have gone I think on my car. When I put my foot on the brake pedal it feels really stiff like trying to press on a brick? Don't know if anyone's ever experienced this?

Anyway, it takes ages to stop and it's really scary not knowing if the thing will stop or not :eek::eek: so as soon as I went into work I made a point of making sure my work colleagues knew about my car, a little while later I got a "can I have a lift to ***** tonight?" so I said I don't really want to give anybody a lift seeing as though my brakes don't work properly "just in case something went wrong".

I got a blank stare as though it was taking a while to sink in, then in a chirpy voice she says " Oh that's no problem I'll get my DH to pick me up"

So I got to travel alone tonight, and tbh there was no way I wanted to be distracted. My problem now is I just know it's going to cost me loads groan.

Someone said about how they were in a tight spot and needed a lift, if I had been asked if I minded giving her a lift on a permanent basis at the start I would have said no but I will do certain nights. It's not like that though, it's the way she makes me feel obligated. My other work colleagues are laughing at me for it, nasty people they are lol.

I do sympathise with her, and there have been a few occasions where we've had to search the house for coppers until payday, strangely she has never mentioned that she has had to do this :rotfl:I also ask if she's claimed back any PPI, pays council tax over 12 months, plans her meals etc trying to use my MSE knowledge