Husband not invited to wedding, help!

jillymit

Thanks everyone. It's good to get others views.
I think it is a bit of a shame and terribly modern to not invite partners but I understand about having to draw the line somewhere.
When we got married it was a small day celebration followed by a free for all knees up at the local village hall. I'm really not that old but have been married 23 years.
I've explained to DH and he says I should go. (after a bit of a debate!)
Never really thought about him being controlling ha ha! but now you come to mention it, and it's usually me being accused of being a control freak :rotfl:
I'm going to accept and have a brilliant day (almost guilt free)

jillymit

Taadaa wrote: »

I am sure it is just a cost thing. Does the bride know you both, or just you?

I must admit, last year h2b and I were verbally invited to one of his mate's weddings. Then before they sent the invites, he called h2b and said we are really pushed for numbers - they didn't realise there was a limit - both just playing at being growns up if you ask me. Anyway, the upshot was I was uninvited to the day. H2B told them, both of us or neither.

Slightly different I know, but I do think the bride is putting you in a difficult position. Fair enough re her budget etc, but inviting one hald of a partnership is always going to cause ructions. I personally would have to decline.

Bride knows just me but has met DH once. Yes, she has put me in a bit of a spot , I would rather have had an evening invite for us both although I do feel honoured being invited to the whole day to be honest.

bubbles1984

Hi, I wouldn't be offended if my OH was not invited to a wedding. To be honest my OH has been invited to a wedding that my mother has not even though my Mum is as close to the bride as I am.
I have invited people in the groups that I know them. For example the girls from work and the people from OH work. The reason for this is I have worked with the same group of girls for 3 years and wouldn't dream of not inviting them however I have never met their partners (and some are single). To invite them and partners or guests would cost a small fortune which to be frank I cannot afford. If any of them feel uncomfortable coming without their partners I would understand that however most of them would be happy to go on a work night out.
I suppose I think it works either way but the thought of potentially 20 of the 120 people at my wedding being people neither myself or OH have ever met quite offputting. Although if I had a friend who knew very few other people I would invite them +1 if that makes sense.

jillymit

bubbles1984 wrote: »

Hi, I wouldn't be offended if my OH was not invited to a wedding. To be honest my OH has been invited to a wedding that my mother has not even though my Mum is as close to the bride as I am.
I have invited people in the groups that I know them. For example the girls from work and the people from OH work. The reason for this is I have worked with the same group of girls for 3 years and wouldn't dream of not inviting them however I have never met their partners (and some are single). To invite them and partners or guests would cost a small fortune which to be frank I cannot afford. If any of them feel uncomfortable coming without their partners I would understand that however most of them would be happy to go on a work night out.
I suppose I think it works either way but the thought of potentially 20 of the 120 people at my wedding being people neither myself or OH have ever met quite offputting. Although if I had a friend who knew very few other people I would invite them +1 if that makes sense.

Yes, I see what you mean. I was thinking along the same lines as you. We (her work mates) were invited as a kind of group so it wasn't a big deal until I told DH and then all of a sudden it was ha ha!:mad:

manda1205

Im quite shocked TBH, if I was invited to a wedding with out my "soon to be husband" I wouldnt go just out of principle. If I didnt have enough money to not envite peoples partners then I wouldnt invite them at all, or Id rethink my budget/venue so that I could invite everyone Id wanted to with their partners.
Sorry, thats just the way I see it.

notakid

manda1205 wrote: »

Im quite shocked TBH, if I was invited to a wedding with out my "soon to be husband" I wouldnt go just out of principle. If I didnt have enough money to not envite peoples partners then I wouldnt invite them at all, or Id rethink my budget/venue so that I could invite everyone Id wanted to with their partners.
Sorry, thats just the way I see it.

But its not your wedding nor is it your right to impose your standards on the couple.

The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate their big day. The bride likes the OP enough to invite her to the whole day, there is no slight involved so why should principles matter?

jillymit

manda1205 wrote: »

Im quite shocked TBH, if I was invited to a wedding with out my "soon to be husband" I wouldnt go just out of principle. If I didnt have enough money to not envite peoples partners then I wouldnt invite them at all, or Id rethink my budget/venue so that I could invite everyone Id wanted to with their partners.
Sorry, thats just the way I see it.

I see your point of view, I really do but if the couple are unable to stretch themselves any further............
I would have dearly loved for my DH to be able to attend the evening reception, I would have been surprised if we had both been invited to the whole day as he's only met the couple once.
Principles in this case I feel are all good and well but to refuse to go just because a couple are unable to afford or are restricted in numbers so much so that they are unable to invite everyone seems a bit cruel.
It is after all about the couple getting married and not all about me and DH.

jackieb

I don't see anything wrong with just you being invited, knowing your circumstances (ie you work with the girl and she's struggling with the numbers). I think she's doing a good thing - she could have easily not invited you at all, but she obviously wants you there. As soneone else said, there has to be a cut off point somewhere. If you and your husband were both good friends with her then i'd think it was a bit off, but she barely knows your husband and I think she's probably stuck between a rock and a hard place and is trying to do her best. I wouldn't take it personally. I'd just be glad that she thought enough of me to want to invite me to the whole ceremony.

manda1205

notakid wrote: »

But its not your wedding nor is it your right to impose your standards on the couple.

The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate their big day. The bride likes the OP enough to invite her to the whole day, there is no slight involved so why should principles matter?

jillymit wrote: »

I see your point of view, I really do but if the couple are unable to stretch themselves any further............
I would have dearly loved for my DH to be able to attend the evening reception, I would have been surprised if we had both been invited to the whole day as he's only met the couple once.
Principles in this case I feel are all good and well but to refuse to go just because a couple are unable to afford or are restricted in numbers so much so that they are unable to invite everyone seems a bit cruel.
It is after all about the couple getting married and not all about me and DH.

Yes I see both your points too. I understand its their day too and they should celebrate it as they wish. Surely if she likes the OP enough to invite her to the whole day, she would have invited her partner too, or at least said +1 guest. Or if I were inviting everyone from work I think I would have made a point of saying "that Im only inviting work people not their partners, is everyone ok with that?". To not have said anything seems to have made the OP feel uncofortable, which isnt nice.
I suppose if it were a big work group going all without their other partners then maybe I would feel differently.
I would just find it strange that I was invited to a wedding on my own as it's never happened to me.

VickyA_2

jackieb wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with just you being invited, knowing your circumstances (ie you work with the girl and she's struggling with the numbers). I think she's doing a good thing - she could have easily not invited you at all, but she obviously wants you there. As soneone else said, there has to be a cut off point somewhere. If you and your husband were both good friends with her then i'd think it was a bit off, but she barely knows your husband and I think she's probably stuck between a rock and a hard place and is trying to do her best. I wouldn't take it personally. I'd just be glad that she thought enough of me to want to invite me to the whole ceremony.

Couldn't have put it better myself!