MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Spencer trade in the engagement ring?

qrachma

If Spencer has to think about the price, he can't afford it. If Heidi has to think about the brand name, Spencer can't afford her. From experience: ditch the !!!!!, find a woman with intelligence.

JayD

olai99 wrote: »

Start off marriage with a lie? Why not talk it over with Heidi and let her decide - what is most important to her? A brand name bling or money for the marriage?

I totally agree - got it in a nutshell.

It has to be a joint decision. Forget about all that messing about with a friend's empty box in an attempt to deceive.

I would recommend an open, honest, frank discussion about what really matters to them BOTH. And keep doing just that throughout their relationship and marriage.

debtdesperado

If Spencer is that dishonest and scared to speak up they probably aren't right for each other anyway....

Perhaps he should explain how expensive it is to insure a £7k ring (although it's prob not much cheaper to insure a £4k one!) and that he'd be worried about her getting mugged, and then say what would she prefer, the same ring and £3k extra on the honeymoon budget or towards a deposit, or the 'real' ring.

I once had a very expensive piece of jewellry which when I wore I was always paranoid about being mugged for...it took all the pleasure out of wearing it. Eventually I sold it and was stunned by how much less I got for it that what it was 'worth'. Never again!

This was before MSE though... nowadays I would feel happier to opt for a cheap ring that I could wear without fear of it being stolen or damaged (even a good fake - I love diamonique!) and keep the money in the bank or paid off the mortgage. I guess it's about prorities!

Reaper

MrParr wrote: »

As I am thinking of buying one shortly, I was just interested in finding out how much is acceptable (and not an insane) amount to spend on an engagement ring?

I think a better idea is to have a look and see what you can get for your money. There is no right amount to spend but if you want a rough target area how about 1 month's salary. I think one of the diamond producers once said it should be 2 months salary but then they would wouldn't they!

Solomon_Broad

He shouldn't lie. But equally he shouldn't spend £7000 on a ring. That's over ten times what my car cost, which is a lot more useful than a ring. My car gets me to work - a wedding ring is only useful for getting rid of men in bars.

Trying to deceive her is on par with her getting a ring that's that expensive.

Claires01

Spencer shouldn't lie, but i also don't think his girlfiend should be so materialistic, surely her engagement ring should be about how much her partner loves her and not how much it cost.

Perhaps he should discuss it with her and explain that by purchasing a ring that is less expensive doesn't mean he loves her any less it just means that he would have more money to start their married life together and perhaps spend on the wedding, which will probably cost and arm and a leg if her taste is that expensive.

Kemiera19

My fiance and I (actually called Spencer!) discussed 'the ring' before we bought it (very unromatic I know) - I put two options to him, we buy a cheap second hand ring (not superstitious so wouldn't bother me) or we invest in the 'Cart-any's' ring (i.e Cartier) and look upon it as something that will be hopefully treasured by our grandchildren as a quality piece of jewellery, possibly our only decent heirloom.

We decided to invest in the Cart-anys ring, spending 1 months salary (no-where near £7k or £4k). When we picked the ring up from Sloane square it was the most magical, memorable experience with exquisite service and the after-sale service is exceptional too (invited back annually for a clean and check).

Back to the dilemma – He should stay within his means & not lie to her. P.S He’d be a fool if he thought she wouldn’t notice the difference. She’d know it wasn’t Cart-anys, if that’s the one she wants, she’d know it would be marked ‘Cart-anys’!

wildthing01

i agree with most of these posters - i don't think they're going to have much of a 'life together' if he lies about the ring - even if she doesn't find out, he'll know, and it will sour things for him. they shouldn't be considering marrying anyway until they've had a good chat about their respective attitudes to money - if they're that different, it spells trouble ahead - the engagement ring is just the start - what about the cost of the wedding, and their spending patterns thereafter?

he should be honest, buy the cheaper ring, and then maybe buy her another, less expensive piece from the special jewellers for their first anniversary/birthday etc, so that she stil gets to fulfil her dream...

wildthing01

MrParr wrote: »

Personally, this is an interesting dilemma as although my OH is not materialistic enough to want a £7k ring, or even a £4k ring, I find it interesting that some people think that £4k is a lot to spend on a ring.

As I am thinking of buying one shortly, I was just interested in finding out how much is acceptable (and not an insane) amount to spend on an engagement ring?

i know it's quite romantic for the man to buy the ring and present it out of the blue, alongside the proposal, but i think many women would prefer to be involved in choosing the ring - most men i think would struggle to choose the exact thing that the women would choose for herself. why not let her choose, and let that guide you? it can stil be romantic - my husband proposed and then (quite truthfully) said he couldn't afford a ring just yet, but we went window shopping anyway. i chose a ring (only cost a couple hundred quid - but was from a posh shop in london), and we said that that would be the sort of one we'd get when we could afford it. he then secretly bought it and presented me with it on christmas day - having told me i'd have to wait another six months before we could afford it!!

when we enventually got married, we chose to spend a lot more on the wedding rings, as we were more in the position to do so.

redglass_2

No, he shouldn't. For one thing, deceits tend to get found out in time, and then things can turn nasty.
For another, he should try to educate her about the stupidity of paying so much more for a fashionable brand name when you can buy an identical ring for less. Get her signed up to MSE!