Need help for my 12 year old son

margaretclare

I agree with much that Jojo says.

'The best way to fail a diet....' is, IMHO, to think of it as a diet. The word 'diet' carries with it certain connotations, not least, that it is a temporary state of affairs. Not so. Healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle are long-term. Many people go on a diet, lose a vast amount of weight, come off the diet and go back to their old habits - surprise, surprise, the weight lost all goes back on, with more added.

Here's a site which I have found to be enormously helpful: https://www.weightlossresources.co.uk

Many of the people who post on that site have found that the only thing to do with so-called 'treats' e.g. chocolates, biscuits, crisps, you name it is - not to buy them!

DH was a bullied kid too - anti-semitism. He found the only way was to stick up for himself. He became a very sporty child/adolescent/young adult, but mainly, he took up activities where he competed only against himself. Swimming, cycling, running - the only team sport he took up was rowing, and even then, some of the time it was single-sculls rather than rowing in the eights or fours. Kick-boxing is said to be good.

Morgan_Ree

Daska most school lunches are pretty healthy now a days
Ok it's probably not the best tasting food in the world but it's food at the end of the day!
Is there really no way that you could stop the pack lunches all together?
Im sure they'd rather eat the school lunches than go hungry

As for the exercise side of things short of booting the kids out the door I can't imagine anything other than a reward system is going to work

Do they have TV's, games consoles etc in their rooms?
If so take them out!
Agree a half hour bike ride, or even 10 minutes if they can't manage 30, in return they can have their PS3 or whatever back for the evening/one day at the weekend
If the refuse then they don't get their stuff back
I know it's a bit like treating them like toddlers again but if they won't agree to this healthy living themselves then you're going to have to force them

Bennifred

Hi Raksha! It's great that you have come on here to ask for advice - and you have been given some really good advice. The thing is - no one else can carry these things out for you. YOU have to find the strength to make the changes. YOU! It won't be easy, because it sounds as though your OH and your sons will resist whatever changes you try to make. You will have to be stubborn and tough because that's the only way change is going to happen. If you keep doing what you have always done, you'll keep getting the same result. So - take on board what people have been saying (this is the help you have asked for) and take that first step!

We are all rooting for you. Be brave!

aliasojo

Raksha wrote: »

He's agreed to go to Family Therapy, so I'm just about to ring GP to make an appointment. Not sure how it will work with his shifts though...

It's a start. Don't let things slip and let him 'get round' to going, this is where you need to be firm.

Good luck. Things can change you know, but you gotta break that egg first.

Raksha

Well, my GP reackons #3 son is 'a normal teenager' - he didn't seem to be listening when I said he wasn't like the 'normal teenagers' his two older brothers are, or any of the boys I've known through Scouts

However, he has agreed to refer us to counselling.

tandraig

Raksha - you said on earlier post who could you phone at anyoclock on sunday morning, the samaritans?
Well yes, if you are down and need someone to talk to and pour everything out - then who better? they listen, they dont judge, they may even help bolster your confidence.
Then there are MSEers, but you dont have the 'human' contact with us - we are words on a monitor.
Also, relating to ADD or ADHD, there are several groups on the net, who give excellent advice for parents before, during and after diagnosis. and you can find out if there are any support groups in your area, where you can go and have conversations and advice from 'real' people, and dont worry, I bet you wont be the only parent there battling other issues!
chin up hun, you have done the hardest part - you made the effort to start the ball rolling, now you just have to keep up the momentum!!!

Savvy_Sue

Raksha wrote: »

Well, my GP reackons #3 son is 'a normal teenager' - he didn't seem to be listening when I said he wasn't like the 'normal teenagers' his two older brothers are, or any of the boys I've known through Scouts

I've had 3, and only the youngest would be what you MIGHT call 'normal' for a teenager, and he gives me more grief than the other two put together! You just have to remember that 'normal' is a very broad term.

The other way of looking at this is that you have within your family a combination of people who are at very different places on the official 'normal' spectrum - or even just off it, maybe. If it was just your DS, you might be able to accommodate this divergence, and the GP might feel that it's nothing THAT unusual. But you know it's not just your DS, so you're a bit stuck. So ...

Raksha wrote: »

However, he has agreed to refer us to counselling.

That is good news, and I hope you don't have to wait too long and that everyone cooperates. And if they don't, just work with what you've got - don't you not go because your DH finds some excuse!

Butterfly_Brain

Rashka
Have you any family or close friends living close to you? Because it sound like you need a lot of support.
Have you thought of enrolling DS at WW their points system means that you don't feel like you are missing out on anything and you could give DS an extra treat for losing his first stone such as taking him to a theme park or some treat that he will enjoy.
As for OH - Stand up to him!!!!!!!!! If he doesn't like it call his bluff - pack his bags and tell him to go - better than being unhappy in your own home.
Probably DS is feeling unhappy because of him and as a result eats for comfort, this is a destructive relationship in my opinion and you need to take the reins and sort it now!