Need help for my 12 year old son

kindofagilr

If you want help with him losing weight, Slimming World do a good programme for kids.

nickyhutch

I think, for your son's sake, you need to speak up with your DH. Get him out there doing stuff instead of sat in at a screen. It all screams to me of him lacking in confidence and self-esteem, stemming from being overweight. Cure that, and you might see an improvement in everything else.

Raksha

nickyhutch wrote: »

I think, for your son's sake, you need to speak up with your DH. Get him out there doing stuff instead of sat in at a screen. It all screams to me of him lacking in confidence and self-esteem, stemming from being overweight. Cure that, and you might see an improvement in everything else.

I'll put my hands up - I'm struggling myself to deal with low self esteem and lack of confidence myself, and I'm nearly 50! It's all I can do to tell OH that he can't tell DS to go around and thump people, and then I have to deal with the family being pulled apart with the fall out from that

pigpen

Raksha wrote: »

I'll put my hands up - I'm struggling myself to deal with low self esteem and lack of confidence myself, and I'm nearly 50! It's all I can do to tell OH that he can't tell DS to go around and thump people, and then I have to deal with the family being pulled apart with the fall out from that

Is it that your OH is also being a bully then?

Regardless of the fallout you must have this discussion with him otherwise none of you will benefit.. let him tantrum and sulk.. bullies do not like being challenged!

Go out with your boys and enjoy them.. don't let OH spoil it for you all.. you have things you enjoy.. go enjoy them.. get yourself a bike.. drag it through the house and go riding with them.. you can all clean them outside before bringing them back through.. let OH miss out!!

Money_maker

Is your OH a little overbearing to you all? Perhaps his eldest brother can help out in some way, is he still at home?

End of the day, if your OH will not take responsibility for his weight issues then perhaps you and your youngest can team up and sort weight and confidence together. How about planning things you can both do?

I would sort out the portion sizes pronto. Either you cook and dish, you dish or you remove a portion or two for the freezer.

Also, see if the school do any after school clubs. I dont just mean sports but things like drama, art or science clubs. These will help with his confidence and he will probably have skills in at least one of them. I would keep him away from IT if he's spending far too much time online at the moment.

Swimming, football, judo, signing up for tennis lessons, retrying scouts. I'm afraid all I can hear is you putting obstacles in the way. You need to remove them and find ways that it can be done. Go with him for the swimming - try an early morning session to avoid other children.
You really, really can do this but you have to grasp it with both hands and show him that 'he can'. The change in him over time will be quite amazing. If you continue to falter then you may consign him to being overweight for a lifetime.

Sorry to nag but turn it on its head to give it a positive spin.

BTW, we solved our identical bike problem by erecting a small plastic shed on the drive to store them in.

Raksha

Yes OH is a bully - but the very subtle kind, and he'd probably be very upset to hear me say it (that's the subtle bullying again). For instance, this evening I got a letter from Army Cadets saying #2 son hadn't returned his uniform (I know he did, I took him up there and waited while he took it in and came out without it), so OH was telling me that I should contact them and tell them all this. I told him I wasn't stupid and that was exactly what I was going to do - he kept on, telling me what I should tell them, and when I said more forcefully that was what I was going to do - he threw the baking tray with sausages on it on the floor!

The boys came home yesterday to a broken computer keyboard in the middle of the living room floor because he'd found both their bedrooms in a mess.....

I keep telling him that monkey see, monkey do, but he won't listen (and of course it works by me setting a bad example too, I realise this, which is why I'm trying to change).

I won't go swimming and be humiliated by others, and likewise my own bike is out I've taken him to Karate - but #3 son couldn't deal with his space being invaded by somebody he didn't know.

I know I'm putting up obstacles, I'm hoping somebody might listen to the reasons why X won't work and give me another idea........

No room for a shed in front garden, beside, we've already had one bike go missing even though it was locked up

#1 son moved out nearly 11 years ago

Ironically, OH is losing weight himself at the moment - he has a prescription from the DR for that 'anti fat absorbing' drug whose name escapes me...

kegg_2

If he wont do sport or join in with any organised activity then how about plain simple walking. Maybe start off with a mile a day and build it up from there.
That coupled with eating smaller meals should kick start some weight loss.
Hopefully as he starts to see the weight come off he will be more motivated and might start looking at a running club.

System

Just a small thing re: swimming. I put off going for ages cos i am overweight (bmi is in the 40s) cos i thought people would stare and take the pi$$ but truth be told i have never encountered that. There are people of all shapes and sizes. I find it easier to go to adult only sessions and women only sessions as it limits the amount of and kind of people who will see me.

Walking might also be a good idea. Even if u just started off with 15 minutes a day, maybe building up to 30 mins that would help in the long term. Plus its something you can do as a family that isn't too strenuous

Butterfly_Brain

My son who is not overweight but brought up to respect others - has been bullied terribly at school since he started, and when he hit back he was labelled disruptive and sent to anger management classes!!!!
The school concerned has a policy of keeping the bullied kids in at break times "to keep them safe from the bullies" so the victims are punished not the bullies.
He has joined the boxing club and when the bullies who think they're hard get in the ring he makes sure he hurts them (he is 6 ft tall with a very long reach) and surprise surprise he doesn't have a lot of trouble now.
He is now doing GCSE's and want's to stay on for A levels and go on to University like his sister so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I always tell him that when he has a top job and any of the bullies come to him for an interview he can watch them squirm. Bless him he said "Mum if they need a job I would give them one"

Raksha

Butterfly Brain you lad sounds like a lovely lad, I'm sure you are very proud.
BTW - as well as being o/w, #3 son is also tall for his age and en route to being 6'6" when he's fully grown.