Advice on Child Maintenance please!

missmontana

I have just asked my childs father to help me out financially.

He is in a well paid job, but has a new partner/house etc, they are due to be married sometime this year.

He says he has no problem paying but wants to set up a private agreement, the conditions being that his name is put on the birth certificate and he has parental responsibility.

I,would rather go thru the CSA as I read the PA is not a legal document, and I want everything to be above board as I currently claim benefits and am expected to return to work in the near future.

What I'd like to know is, do i have to comply with his "requests" or can I just go ahead with making an application? Its worrying me about what him having parental responsibility and how if may affect my child.

bossymommy

Have a look here

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

hth

RedSky

Financial responsibility and parental responsibility are separate issues legally but personal opinions may differ.

Would it not be reasonable if asking to bring the father into your child's life with financial support that you also accept his invitation to contribute with parental support?

missmontana

Thanks for that link Mommy.

RedSky, he has been in the child's life for most of it, but it is not until now that I have asked for money that he has decided he wants responsibility! It feels to me like he wants some sort of ownership and almost as if he is saying I have to give him what he wants, before he will agree to pay out. I have managed perfectly well on my own all this time, so what he could add in terms of responsibility? i don't know!! ( he added the other day, if was promoted and transferred, he could use the child as a reason not to be moved. charming. )

Also, from his earnings he gets his student loan repayed, does the CSA take this into consideration?

RedSky

Understandable on the ownership issues, only you and he will know the true meaning behind any actions. Without knowing either of you, if I was personally faced with a similar situation where financial and parental responsibility had been based on a casual agreement, then if one responsibility was moved to a more "formal" agreement I would be also inclined to want the other made more "formal".

DUTR

missmontana wrote: »

I have just asked my childs father to help me out financially.

He is in a well paid job, but has a new partner/house etc, they are due to be married sometime this year.

He says he has no problem paying but wants to set up a private agreement, the conditions being that his name is put on the birth certificate and he has parental responsibility.

I,would rather go thru the CSA as I read the PA is not a legal document, and I want everything to be above board as I currently claim benefits and am expected to return to work in the near future.

What I'd like to know is, do i have to comply with his "requests" or can I just go ahead with making an application? Its worrying me about what him having parental responsibility and how if may affect my child.

You don't have to comply with his requests, you will probably be better off going via the CSA. Do be aware what PR is all about, should something happen to you then certain 'privaleges' do not go to the Father which maybe detrimental to the child.
Take note of what redsky has posted, I can sort of see your ex's logic. I think he will contribute without too much further resistance.

speedster

DUTR wrote: »

You don't have to comply with his requests, you will probably be better off going via the CSA. Do be aware what PR is all about, should something happen to you then certain 'privaleges' do not go to the Father which maybe detrimental to the child.
Take note of what redsky has posted, I can sort of see your ex's logic. I think he will contribute without too much further resistance.

way off the mark there. but i wouldn't expect you to be too insightful about PR.

basically, as a father, parental responsibility gives you a legal footing and certain "rights". ie, name change issues, religious issues, medical issues. also, if the worst were to happen to you, if the father cdoes not have PR then he would have to apply for leave of the court for even a contact order.

PR doesn't effect day to day stuff and is automatically given now at birth (if on certificate).

also worth noting that you can swear out a PRO together in the court reception if agreeabale, saves the hassle of going to court as he will suceed as you have to be some kind of monster to not get PR. the courts know it was an oversight in the regulations, hence the change in rules after 2003 and granting it as a "given".

shell_542

If you refuse to give him PR, then he can apply to the courts anyway and it is very rare that it is rejected.

This is completely an outsiders point of view, but it seems you are accusing him of what you yourself are doing. He may want PR to have some sort of legal "ownership" of his own child ... but it sounds like you don't want to give it to him because you don't want to share the ownership you currently have. PR will not affect your child negatively in the future if he is already in the child's life now.

There is no reason to get CSA involved if he (the NRP) will keep up to regular payments via a private agreement. A private agreement is a completely "above board" method of child support payments. You do not have to involve the CSA as you are on benefits anymore. As long as you notify the benefit agency of the maintenance you receive via a private agreement, then you will be doing nothing wrong.

This is a personal view, but I really hate the threat of using the CSA when it isn't necessary. The CSA can cause some right royal balls ups. If an NRP is willing to pay by private agreement, a figure you are both in agreement with and they keep to it, there is no reason to involve the CSA.

We were threatened with them when my H asked his child's mother if he could see her. Sometimes it appears to be used as a threat to somehow "punish" the other party.

I also don't see why he shouldn't have PR. He is the child's father and you haven't mentioned any threat to the child from him.

romanempire

here here :beer:

Wish my ex had your attitude.

Cozworth806

If he is willing to pay then a PA can be setup quicker, and be far more useful especially if there are items that you need from time to time in addition rather than getting a set amount.
If you are on benefits currently then you can keep the first £20 CM and the rest is deducted, so may be worth getting an interim position started?
You can speak to CM Options and they can send out the private agreement forms.
The CSA could be easy but then again....

missmontana

Thanks for all the replies peeps, Shell you're not far off the mark! lol, Its just that I am very protective of my child, our routine and family life, as any mother should be. It pains me to even be asking him for money in the first place!!

Its not that I am threatening him with the csa I just want a fair decision about how much I will get paid. I am not sure if we will agree on a figure, its already changed twice, the more research he seems to do...

He reckons he only takes home £300 per week, after NI, Tax, pension and student loan payment has come out (altho he told me he has been doing overtime) but I find this quite hard to believe and he avoids the question of how much he gets paid per annum. And the offer he is making me is less than the 15% as on the csa site.

I've never asked him for anything before, I let him see his child whenever he wants, which at most purely due to him is only about twice a month. For example, the last summer holidays he saw him for 2 days, yet managed to go abroad with friends for a week!

Because of his job, he can come across quite arrogant (which winds me up) he seems to think he can just provide all the relevant forms, set a figure, I will sign it all and off he trots! But its just not that simple is it?