Advice on Child Maintenance please!

daska

You never know, he might just fall for it, you are being ultra reasonable after all LOL

shell_542

missmontana wrote: »

As I said, I plan to do that as in the half term my child wants to go to playscheme! any other suggestions for child related costs??



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When you are working, as long as over 16 hours, you will get help from the Childcare Element of Working Tax Credits.

missmontana

daska wrote: »

You never know, he might just fall for it, you are being ultra reasonable after all LOL

Doh.... not quite falling for it. doesn't like the idea of providing paperwork at all. says its private. which to me means that his figure of 300 quid was a bit of a porky... offer has no gone up to £180 pm... funny that eh? but I am not backing down, still being reasonable, have even told him to book a slot at the reg office to do birth cert. So now he is almost telling me to go to the CSA, told him that was silly as he'd be doing himself out of money.

shell_542 wrote: »

When you are working, as long as over 16 hours, you will get help from the Childcare Element of Working Tax Credits.

I'm not working yet, am looking at going back to work after October when my child is in the new age bracket thing and they change me over to JSA.

DUTR

missmontana wrote: »

Doh.... not quite falling for it. doesn't like the idea of providing paperwork at all. says its private. which to me means that his figure of 300 quid was a bit of a porky... offer has no gone up to £180 pm... funny that eh? but I am not backing down, still being reasonable, have even told him to book a slot at the reg office to do birth cert. So now he is almost telling me to go to the CSA, told him that was silly as he'd be doing himself out of money.



I'm not working yet, am looking at going back to work after October when my child is in the new age bracket thing and they change me over to JSA.

Heh heh , if I didn't know any better, why do I get deja vu from some of this post?
I remember similar questions from my child's mum , and indeed to me the figure is private, after all I don't ask her what benefits n stuff she gets, anyways I put it straight to her that if she wants contribution to go via the csa (which she did) I suppose she can guess near to what I earn but now I pay I still manage several foriegn holidays per year and brand new cars CASH, in the long run I saved money as it was costing me more in incidental expenses.
Good Luck .

ps pray he doesn't adopt my stance and become a pay and go dad

missmontana

DUTR wrote: »

Heh heh , if I didn't know any better, why do I get deja vu from some of this post?
I remember similar questions from my child's mum , and indeed to me the figure is private, after all I don't ask her what benefits n stuff she gets, anyways I put it straight to her that if she wants contribution to go via the csa (which she did) I suppose she can guess near to what I earn but now I pay I still manage several foriegn holidays per year and brand new cars CASH, in the long run I saved money as it was costing me more in incidental expenses.
Good Luck .

ps pray he doesn't adopt my stance and become a pay and go dad

I'd be more than happy to tell him what benefits i get, how much all my bills are etc.
I just want a set amount a month so i don't have to keep asking him for "incidental expenses". because like you say it would probably cost him more in the long run, just want to see what the csa would take, what he is offering and meet in the middle somewhere, is that not fair?
I have complied to all his conditions of setting a PA up, we just had to sit down do some paperwork and agree on an amount, but he can't even do that.

What do you mean by a pay and go dad?

DUTR

missmontana wrote: »

I'd be more than happy to tell him what benefits i get, how much all my bills are etc.
I just want a set amount a month so i don't have to keep asking him for "incidental expenses". because like you say it would probably cost him more in the long run, just want to see what the csa would take, what he is offering and meet in the middle somewhere, is that not fair?
I have complied to all his conditions of setting a PA up, we just had to sit down do some paperwork and agree on an amount, but he can't even do that.

What do you mean by a pay and go dad?

Remember though you said "but has a new partner/house etc, they are due to be married sometime this year." Which means that is where his priority in life will steer , not that the child does not matter (he/she does) , so I don't think he can't it just that he won't (which I can understand) . It doesn't seem like it's really about CS but still having some kind of 'hold' .
Sorry I'm not as good with words or diplomatic as Shell or Redsky, to me this episode can be closed quickly by applying for CS via the CSA/CMEC it's a win win or lose lose rather than a win/lose. :beer:

shell_542

Its not a win win situation if the CSA would take more than the NRP can afford.

Personally I wouldn't expect to see his wage slips etc. Also last yrs P60 is not relevant. His pay may have increased or decreased in almost a year.

If you're going to go for a private agreement you'll have to have an element of trust that the figure he is offering isn't too bad and whether an extra £180 a month will help contribute towards some of the costs of the child.

If you don't trust him in the slightest and want to get the maximum the CSA would (attempt to) get for you, then go through them.

tsstss7

missmontana wrote: »

So if we get the birth re registered, then he automatically gets PR?? that would save one lot of forms...!

He started off with an offer of £100 pm, then looked at the website did his sums and offered me £160, 20 less than what it should be as he reckons he can't afford it, but then said he would pay for extras like school trips etc. But if he cant afford any extra then how is he going to pay for such things? His logic just doesn't add up... I'd rather just have a set amount so i don't have to keep pestering him.


Right, I have text him to say just to give me £20 pw till the law changes, as a few of you have said, every little helps and there's no point him paying more if my child is not going to see it! then we'll see if the poor love can cope with that for a while, half term is coming up so I am sure I can think of a few payments in kind that might come up!
Then the fun will begin on us trying to settle on an amount! I think I am being quite reasonable, what do you reckon?

I will ask him to bring copies of all paperwork on Monday when we meet... could be interesting!!

Miss Montana

the reason I say that I think you should go direct to the csa as although they can be a bit rubbish at times they know their stuff and it avoids A LOT of hassle in negotiations with the nrp. Also they can investigate his pay rates directly so you would get a FAIR estimate of what he could afford/should pay.

My ex didn't even want to give me cash when we split up and opted for buying me groceries. Hence why I went to the csa as far as I was concerned I needed to set something up that would last us until my son was 16/18 and not have a constant need for interaction/conflict between us. We get on well now but at the time he was very controlling and naturally this was pretty much the only way he could continue this behaviour.

It was irrelevant to me that I was "only" getting £20.00 extra per week being on income support at that time as I knew that there would come a time that I would go back to work and that the last thing I would need then is to renegotiate child support.

In any case from April this year there will be a TOTAL disregard on csa/ child support payments with regard to income support/ housing benefit and tax credits so whatever your situtation you would be better off getting the child support you are due.

I certainly wouldn't feel too sorry for him as afaik rates aren't that high any more anyway - I have a friend on £65k and he only has to pay £300.00/ month (it is slightly lower because they have split the time and he gets 12 nights out of 28 but that option is open to your ex also).

missmontana

DUTR wrote: »

Remember though you said "but has a new partner/house etc, they are due to be married sometime this year." Which means that is where his priority in life will steer , not that the child does not matter (he/she does) , so I don't think he can't it just that he won't (which I can understand) . It doesn't seem like it's really about CS but still having some kind of 'hold' .
Sorry I'm not as good with words or diplomatic as Shell or Redsky, to me this episode can be closed quickly by applying for CS via the CSA/CMEC it's a win win or lose lose rather than a win/lose. :beer:

I understand where his priorities lie.. obviously with his new life. I don't have a problem with that and have no desire to maintain some sort of hold over him at all! (we have both moved on) If that was the case I'm sure I could make life alot more difficult, judging by your responses I feel you have some experience of this?!!

His attitude just suddenly changed last night even tho i have been nothing but nice about the whole thing. I'm now quite upset that he won't even come and talk to me about it, but this is what he is like, as long as things are going his way and all his terms are complied with then he's happy but the minute a spanner gets thrown in the works, he turns hostile (its not the first time its happened) so please don't judge my situation from your experiences. I am just trying to do right by my child.

I'd still like to know what you mean by pay and go dad, does this mean you pay for your child but don't see them??

shell_542

When you're not on the receiving end, its very easy to come out with comments like "the rates aren't very high".

Your friends pays £300 a month when the child is only at the other parents 6 days extra out of 28. That sounds a lot to me. They almost have shared care.