Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

ziggles50

Frogletina wrote: »

Oh, it's not me that uses Groupon

Sorry to hear how you've not been well Ziggles, and about your increased workload

My spending has been through the roof this month, though not spent it all on me - so I've decided it doesn't count.

I've been feeling a bit down today and my friends noticed it when I was out and I didn't want to explain why so tried to cover it up. Sometimes it's easier not to tell.

Sorry- that's Nglady! oops!
But that doesn't sound good at all. Is it a long term problem? If your friends could sense it then maybe you should share...a problem shared is a problem halved and all that? But i understand about easier keeping mum...i often feel i can't tell the whole truth becasue people judge so that makes it harder.
Look after yourself. I hope things look brighter tomorrow, always a good reason for a pamper yourself day...Is the weather at your end looking good. It's been grey and rainy and cold here since yesterday. Sunshine always helps:D
big hug to everyone who needs it :grouphug:

Frogletina

ziggles50 wrote: »

But that doesn't sound good at all. Is it a long term problem? If your friends could sense it then maybe you should share...a problem shared is a problem halved and all that? But i understand about easier keeping mum...i often feel i can't tell the whole truth becasue people judge so that makes it harder.
Look after yourself. I hope things look brighter tomorrow, always a good reason for a pamper yourself day...Is the weather at your end looking good. It's been grey and rainy and cold here since yesterday. Sunshine always helps:D
big hug to everyone who needs it :grouphug:

Thanks Ziggles

I can't say it is a long term thing, I'm not really a depressive character but I just wonder where my life is going - it is so boring a lot of the time. Think I'm giving up on the dating site - one man showed interest in meeting me tonight but never confirmed it even though I texted (against better judgement) to check and I heard nothing back. Another one said he wanted to meet me but his idea was to come over one night after work and let me cook him dinner! I did not feel I could discuss this with my friends (both male)

I think more sleep would help me feel better, but since I split up with my partner I find it really hard to get to sleep and that's getting worse.

Weather was colder today, but I was in during the day and caught up on household chores etc.

One of my friends came back with me tonight (perhaps he felt I needed an eye keeping on me, but he comes back every so often anyway and eats my food and falls asleep on my sofa until he's too tired to go to his own place and toddles off to the spare room)

Tomorrow I'm off to do Zumba in the morning and swimming and then to my daughter's for lunch which will be really nice.

Thanks for the virtual hug - I needed that. I messaged my muse earlier, all I got back was 'poor you' when I told him I was feeling down.

Anglea

Hi girls

Ziggles, you must be ill not to want your fudge I hope your tummy is better and I also hope that the situation at home will resolve itself in the best possible way. Have you any idea what food started you off?

As to work, you'll have to see over time if it's the right place for you if your work will be increased and you feel it's too much. Are you the only one doing that amount, I was wondering how others might be feeling?

One of the main reasons I never do online shopping is because it will be so easy just to buy everything I don't need. Especially when I read everyone's posts on here and on other forums.

Frogletina, I think happiness comes from being your own best friend, I don't think anything we need to buy (compulsive shopping) or do or other people can really bring us the peace of mind that we need.

I seem to have spend my life searching for something to make me happy and as soon as I get it, I still end up feeling the same as before.

I know from your other posts that you like being in relationships. I'm concerned that you are interested in the muse even though he is showing you that he isn't a man that really cares.

CL - I bet you surprised yourself with the low spends. Do you still go running?

I've bought quite a few necessary items in this last month for the house so will be carrying on with that in April, as well as losing the weight I recently gained. I don't know if it's that or not, but my feet have been really hurting lately.

CompletelyLost

Hi all,

Frogletina - sorry to hear you're not feeling great. It's amazing how receptive people are, especially when we keep it all bottled up. I think people pick up on little things that we don't even realise we're doing - like facial expressions. FWIW I think most of us feel a bit like that about life at times... the monotony of everything gets to me too, though I try to remind myself that the feeling will pass.

As ziggles says, treating yourself is always a good mood-enhancer, the little things do sometimes help to perk us up. I hope you enjoy your swim tomorrow - exercise always improves my mood.

ziggles - I hope your fears about the person's job don't come true. I can imagine the worry.

We should definitely badger/motivate each other to exercise. I am usually pretty good.

Anglea - yep I still run (well, more like powerwalk ), though I have a treadmill now. I try my best to go on a couple of times a week, but I'm nowhere near as good as I once was. I think it's a psychological thing stopping me - I tend to give up too easily!! I need to train myself to push through the pain otherwise I'll never progress.

Good luck with losing the weight. I think you'd have to have gained a lot of weight for it to start affecting your feet, not just a few lbs?? Who knows!

Frogletina

Anglea wrote: »

Frogletina, I think happiness comes from being your own best friend, I don't think anything we need to buy (compulsive shopping) or do or other people can really bring us the peace of mind that we need.

I seem to have spend my life searching for something to make me happy and as soon as I get it, I still end up feeling the same as before.

I know from your other posts that you like being in relationships. I'm concerned that you are interested in the muse even though he is showing you that he isn't a man that really cares.

CompletelyLost wrote: »

Hi all,

Frogletina - sorry to hear you're not feeling great. It's amazing how receptive people are, especially when we keep it all bottled up. I think people pick up on little things that we don't even realise we're doing - like facial expressions. FWIW I think most of us feel a bit like that about life at times... the monotony of everything gets to me too, though I try to remind myself that the feeling will pass.

As ziggles says, treating yourself is always a good mood-enhancer, the little things do sometimes help to perk us up. I hope you enjoy your swim tomorrow - exercise always improves my mood.

Thank you both

I did feel much better today - missed Zumba but went into the gym before swimming, and then nice afternoon with my daughter

Just completed the census form and my friend is staying over again - told him if he wanted to stay he had to agree to show on the census as an overnight visitor, which he did.

Anglea, I'm not sure I'd ever want to be in a full time relationship again. He'd have to be a very special person.

I miss male company though, I have always got on well with men a lot better than women, though I have recently made some female friends and aquaintances which is really nice. This is through going to the gym and the WI, which I have got really active with.

As to my muse, maybe he'll only ever be a muse to me - but that's important. An artist always needs a muse (I'm a poet), and he's mine and has inspired me so much this past year. And yes, I wanted more - but it seems it's not to be.

Frogletina

hollydays

Haven't read much of this thread,but knowing people who are compulsive,I am interested in other peoples views on what compulsive behaviour means in other areas of life

.From the person I know it means that their descision making is very quick,and they do not weigh up pros and cons of a descision,ie,do I need it,or will it fit,or do I have the money.This descision making affects all areas of life,as many descisions are rapidly made with no thought as to consequences.

If another person tries to reason with them,they see that person as "The enemy", a "spoiler",they are very quick to anger.
The person I know is very anxious, massivly overworries about health and safety of family members,but sees others as "underworrying" and careless.This makes relationships very fraught .This may be an extreme case,but anxiety learned in childhood seemed to be the key here.Sorry if this post is not well timed, And I am not suggesting anyone on here has these probs.,ut I am interested if others recognise any of this behaviour.

Anglea

Hollydays are you asking us because you are concerned about a family member?

For me personally compulsive behaviour stems from different sources.

Childhood events - ways to avoid bad feelings even as adults.
Not being able to get what I want in life- so a constant search
Not being able to buy what I need as unavailable - buy something else
Pleasurable experiences you want to recreate

From what you have described it sounds like something different. Impulse decisions can be because you hate dithering.

Over anxious about health and wellbeing. I think women can get very anxious about other people's health after having children. But men too if they've had something happen in their early years to a sibling.

What you have described can fit a close member of my family to a T.

hollydays

Yes,This person is getting therapy,its taken me a long time to understand their behavioue

Anglea

I think it's lovely that you want to understand what is going on.

When people are acting out, it's very easy for those around them to take everything personally and get angry.

Usually people with health anxieties worry excessively, go to the doctors, self medicate, look in medical books, overprotect. Being sympathetic helps them.

But if they are an attention addict, then sympathy makes it worse - and dangerous, like those Munchausen conditions.

NGlady2

Urgh ive been meaning to pack for a couple of days but never get round to it! must pack - must pack - must pack.
Tooo many distractions lol.