Miscarriage support

JulieGeorgiana

My Husband and I started trying in February 2010.

I had my son in 2002 with my ex Husband, and a miscarriage in 2004.

My Husband and I concieved in June 2010, and we lost the baby at 5 weeks and 4 days.

We concieved again in Spetember 2010 and we lost the baby at 5 weeks and 4 Days.

The miscarriage in 2004 was between 5 and 6 weeks too!!!

Also as I get very faint test result (and/or need a sensitive test to detect it) we believe there may have been a pregnancy in March 2010, where my period was just under two weeks late and I SWEAR I was pregnant at the time!!

I am seeing a specialist on the 2nd December at the Miscarriage Gynocological Unit.

All I know is when I miscarried in 2004 they told me that they thought my body was sabotaging itself, as it saw the fetus as a threat, but I never had tests to confirm.

When my son was 3 weeks old my knee dislocated, and I was in a cast from hip to ankle for 4 weeks... the stress caused me to be unable to breast feed. I was told by a knee specialist that the knee dislocation was caused by the pregnancy hormones and not to fall again as the hormones would cause a 3rd trimester dislocation and this would cause my body to go into labour and an 80% of the stress causing stillbirth!!!

Anyway, i've had my knees fixed and have the go-ahead...!

I am hoping that my body see's my babies as threats to my health, which means in produces antibodies to attack. which causes clots in the placenta. I feel horible for hoping this is the cause... but I know that this can be 'fixed' with blood thinning treatments to prevent the clots!!

Anyway, my husband and I are taking this pretty hard!

We are lucky that we are turning to each other, and it's making the family unit we have (me, OH and my DS) a closer, stronger family.

We were supposed to be 13 weeks on Christmas day and we were going to annoince it to the families then... I normally LOVE christmas, but this year I am a little anxious!

We told everyone about the loss, to help them understand why we might act as we are!

Both my sisters are due babies. But one of them was due two weeks before me (June 2010 pregnancy) and I keep seeing facebook status' and it hurts when you realise that would have been you asking for baby name help!!!!

At the same time my SIL 'accidently' fell pregnant back in January, and now has a beutiful baby girl... and I have strong feelings on how the poor thing is being looked after! She fell pregnant after 2 weeks of knowing this guy!!! Now everyone is cooing over her, and saying how wonderful a mother she is... when she has no job and lives at home!!!

Sorry to go on!

SusanC_2

Julie I hope you get your answers when you see the Drs and that it does turn out to be something easily fixable.

It must be hard having your sister due so close to when you were due as it msut be such a reminder of how far you "should" have been.

Would it help if you "hide" your sister from your news feed so that you only see updates when you choose to look at her profile? I did that with someone because I couldn't deal with seeing their scan pictures and it is easy to "unhide" them at a later date.

JulieGeorgiana

I hide her for a while SusanC, but then my mum/sister would ask if i'd seen pictures of the 'boys' (my sister has a 2 and 1 year old already) and I had to unhide her!!

I've had to hide a friend who would put on her status about 'is giving sleeping tablets to my baby okay' when she had a baby!!! She suffered a miscarriage and I got fed up of the daily negative slights on her poor little boy!!!

I think I just feel like a yo-yo of emotions right now!

I am really am happy for both my sisters, but at the same time I mourn what I have lost!

My friends don;t know what to say to me, even though I act quite normal, they seem to not speak to me as much or as often. When they do they tell me not to dwell on baby making all the time!

I want to scream at them that I don't! I have a life, food, bills and a child to raise! They can't get over what i've been through, and they don;t speak to me much, so they don;t know that you have to get on with your life!!!

My MIL gushes about her new grandchild... as though she forgets I have lost two in the last 3 months!!! I don't mind the baby being there, but being ignored to look at baby pictures of a grandchild she lives with....!! My Husband and I feel very uncomfortable!!

So I am feeling more and more isolated, because my Husband and I are getting on with life... but people are pulling away from us because they seem scared! Of what I don't know!

Afetr 2 weeks work is getting back to normal (I miscarried at work and cried over a few of the lads, as there were no woman on site that day)! They have been just great and supporting!

I just hear that voice from time to time,... the one that tells you that you are a failure! Which makes me angry and more determined to be a great mother to my son!!

I think the hardest thing is this isolation from everyone but my Husband and my son!!

SusanC_2

I guess people probably don't know what to say and are maybe scared of upsetting you? I was glad that nobody IRL had known I was pregnant anyway so I haven't had to deal with awkward situations like that. I'm glad your work has been supportive - it's nice to get back to some kind of "normality". And you are not a failure.

JulieGeorgiana

I agree, people don't know what to say! Funny, it's the ones who don;t know you very well who always just give you a hug and tell you to take your time. It's those who know you well who say 'at least you have one child' which I find a very odd comment, it doesn;t hurt any less because you have children!

I feel better for just slurging a little on here!!!

SusanC_2

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

I agree, people don't know what to say! Funny, it's the ones who don;t know you very well who always just give you a hug and tell you to take your time. It's those who know you well who say 'at least you have one child' which I find a very odd comment, it doesn;t hurt any less because you have children!

I feel better for just slurging a little on here!!!

Personally I think in some ways I would have found it easier if I'd had a miscarriage when I didn't have a child because now that I have a child I really appreciate what I lost which I don't think I would have done before.

(But that is just me and I'm not saying that miscarriages in general are easier if you haven't had chidlren already.)

JulieGeorgiana

SusanC wrote: »

Personally I think in some ways I would have found it easier if I'd had a miscarriage when I didn't have a child because now that I have a child I really appreciate what I lost which I don't think I would have done before.

(But that is just me and I'm not saying that miscarriages in general are easier if you haven't had chidlren already.)

I've said the same thing. I have also had two chemical miscarriages (A horrible name for losing a pregnancy during your first period, so they 'don;t count' according to one Dr) I had one in 2000 and 2003. I found the one in 2000 much easier then 2003, or the miscarriage in 2004.

it was still devistating...

but I often say it's because I really understand EXACTLY what it is I lost... because you love them so much, that you just don't how much until you have one!!

Lauralou

Sorry to hear what you have been through juliegeorgiana.

Glad to hear you are going to the Miscarriage Gynocological Unit.
Ive had 3mcs and was referred to see a Gynecologist so have had all the tests done, so if there is anything you would like to know just ask:D

JulieGeorgiana

Lauralou wrote: »

Sorry to hear what you have been through juliegeorgiana.

Glad to hear you are going to the Miscarriage Gynocological Unit.
Ive had 3mcs and was referred to see a Gynecologist so have had all the tests done, so if there is anything you would like to know just ask:D

Did you get anything positive from the tests?

I think I have a few large fears:

1) they are going to be rude and blase! about it all like a lot of medical people have been...

2) they are not going to take me seriously

3) The worst fear... they won't find anything wrong!!!!

If they find something wrong at least they can fix it!!!

How long does it take for test results????

I really did just take you up on your offer for help!!

portsmouthali

So sorry JG, I've had 2 miscarriages and a so-called chemical pregnancy within the last year so really do feel for you. I also have an 8 year old and never dreamt for a minute it would be so difficult to produce baby no. 2!!

Thanks for posting xxx