Miscarriage support

Miss_Imaginative

Miss-L wrote: »

There was a book that helped me after my recent miscarriage called 'WHEN A BABY DIES' its especially for late miscarriage/stillbirth/neonatal death.

I know it feels like nothing else in the world matters and you just need your baby back, either inside you or in your arms.

I spotted this post last night and went and looked at that book on Amazon. Your recommendation alone was enough for me to buy it, but some of the reviews really spoke to me about knowing when it's the right time to return to work (am worried I'll return too soon and cause all sorts of issues further down the line) and (dare I say it) when to think about trying again. I really think it will help me and hubby, so a massive thank you Miss-L.

Your last sentence also spoke volumes - that is exactly how it is. Everyone says to let them know if there's anything they can do or get for us, but as I said to my parents the one thing hubby and I need or want is the one thing that no one can do for us.

Mrs_I

d_l_r

Having to join this thread as a couple of weeks ago I had a misscarriage, it was my first pregnancy. I was 8 weeks when it happend.
Still struggling to deal with it at the moment so glad I have found this as hopefully I'll get support from others that have been through it.

Gelly123

d_l_r - so sorry to hear your sad news - I'm thinking of you.

No matter what people say to you, only you will know how you are feeling and when you feel like moving on but for now, please take every day one day at a time.

So many of us have been through the same but we are here for you if you need us.

Massive hugs
Gelly
x

d_l_r

Thank you Gelly, my husband has been great through it all but he's also suffered the loss not just me so I'm trying to be strong for each other which is so hard. I know in time it will get easier but at the minute it doesn't seem like it.

Thanks for the support though x

sweaty_betty

Welcome D_L_R and sorry you find yourself here.

ttc39

Sorry you are here d l r , i found reading this thread from the beginning a comfort the first time I had a mc xx

Lara44

((((Hugs d_l_r)))) I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your partner, thinking of you.

boat_girl

Hello to everyone here x I have been reading some of the stories and it makes very sad reading.

I am sorry to say I am in the process of a miscarriage. I had my first scan last Wednesday at exactly 13 weeks to be told the baby was small, had a weak heart and was showing signs of a chromosome disorder, I was booked to have a cvs today but had an extra scan yesterday to be told the baby had died. I should have been 14 weeks exactly yesterday so somewhere in the last week the baby has died. I have not experienced any bleeding, still feel nauseous so didn't expect this yesterday. I really don't know what to expect, I have never had a miscarriage before and being 14 weeks am worried it is going to be very painful.

Mrs_T_M

First off, boat girl *hugs.* I had my miscarriage at 20 weeks and went through full labour, but it's unlikely that will happen with you. All of the advice I can give, let yourself feel however you feel, there is no right or wrong right now. Also, know that you are definitely not alone, and don't keep quiet about it (unless that's how you grieve). In my opinion, more women need to know that, very unfortunately, miscarriage is normal sometimes.

I know that this next question may seem a bit harsh, but if you are going in for surgery, will you be getting them to do chromosomal testing? At least then you may have some idea of what happened and what the chances will be (if any) of it happening again. Ours didn't have any problems with the baby, but with the placenta, but having that knowledge brought so much closure to us, and we are taking steps to ensure it never happens again.

Started painting the future hopefully nursery today. Hopefully it will help take my mind off the past and point it towards the future. I've also been cross stitching a lot. Seems that keeping busy really does seem to help.

Miss_Imaginative

Welcome D_L_R and boat girl, so sorry to see you here.

Boat girl, I second Mrs_T_M's advice re: asking for chromosomal testing - the more answers you can get now, the better prepared you will be for future pregnancies and will be able to have your mind put at ease one way or another, rather than having all these "what if"s. That's what Hubby and I keep telling ourselves anyway. Like Mrs_T_M, I was almost 20 weeks and went through full labour, so can't tell you what it will be like for you - but I am sure that someone will be posting here shortly who can advise you.

I've had a better day today, felt a bit stronger in myself. Yesterday and Tuesday were horrible bad days, but to be expected given that it was involving arranging things for Thomas' funeral (booked for next Tuesday).

Frustratingly, I have just spent the last two hours back at the hospital. My midwife who home visited me today was concerned that my uterus hasn't shrunk down as much as it should and that I may still have placenta/after-birth/something inside me (a valid concern given how broken up it was), so she referred me for a scan. Managed to get a scan this afternoon and they confirmed there is something still in my uterus - blood, lining, placenta, who knows, it's hard to tell from the ultrasound. After much discussion and uncertainty, the doctor has asked me to go back tomorrow first thing to see the consultant who will be able to advise better, as I shouldn't have anything left in my uterus given I had surgery/D&C after the birth of Thomas. So either we wait it out and see if it passes itself (whilst on another course of anti-biotics), take medication to encourage contractions and see if it passes that way or have yet another D&C to ensure everything is fully removed.

So I am to go to the hospital bright and early tomorrow, see the consultant and what they decide to do. I am nil by mouth from 5am, just in case they decide they want to do surgery. I just want the physical stuff sorted and over with, so I focus on the mental/emotional side of things, especially with the funeral next week.

Mrs_I