Miscarriage support

money_saving_diva

Caroline73 wrote: »

I just wanted to send hugs to you ladies - it's a horrible thing to happen. Don't forget the OH's though as they are grieving too. when I had mine, everyone ran around fussing after me but said things to my hubby like 'make sure you look after her' etc. I was physically not right but we were both emotionally shattered.

QUOTE]

This is very true and my dh was very hurt that no one seemed to think of him, just me. I understood how he felt and a few weeks after our mc I got him a nice blank card as I had found this poem to write in it:
A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Author Unknown

It was so true and said I understood. He really liked it.

My hubby was such support for me. I was so sad he had no one caring for him.

SUESMITH_2

too true

please dont forget the men, my oh was totally devastated and wiped out by it all, he said he had never felt so powerless, he's a big tough guy who is used to sorting problems out and he couldn't do anything to help

Metranil_Vavin

money_saving_diva wrote: »

Caroline73 wrote: »

I just wanted to send hugs to you ladies - it's a horrible thing to happen. Don't forget the OH's though as they are grieving too. when I had mine, everyone ran around fussing after me but said things to my hubby like 'make sure you look after her' etc. I was physically not right but we were both emotionally shattered.

QUOTE]

This is very true and my dh was very hurt that no one seemed to think of him, just me. I understood how he felt and a few weeks after our mc I got him a nice blank card as I had found this poem to write in it:
A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Author Unknown

It was so true and said I understood. He really liked it.

My hubby was such support for me. I was so sad he had no one caring for him.

What a fantastic poem..brought a lump to my throat.

I'm not forgetting that OH has been wonderful these last 2 (as he described) 'hellish weeks'.

I am so sorry for him too he will make a wonderful father...I just hope we dont have to wait too long.

portsmouthali

Wow I'm really glad there's been so many replies :A although obviously it's sad that so many of us have been through,or are going through this.

I am 36, and my OH is 33. We have a son who has just turned 8 (where have those years gone?) and my pregnancy with him was absolutely fine, no morning sickness, no spotting/bleeding, in fact the worst I had to cope with was a bit of heartburn (which I moaned like b*ggery about at the time:rotfl:) He was a strong little thing, almost 9lb when he was born. I never wanted to have my kids close together for various reasons, but I never intended for the gap to be this big!

Anyway, I eventually found out I was pregnant again in September 2009. I never considered that anything would go wrong, I had plenty of symptoms and thought it would go the same way as before then I started spotting pinky/brown at 9 weeks, which progressed onto bright red the next day. This was a Thursday, and I had to wait all weekend for a scan at the EPU which was horrendous. By the Friday night, I was having quite bad back pains and the bleeding was heavier. I remember then knowing that this wasn't going to have a happy ending (Laura, I remember you saying you just "know" and it is true) but I was still devastated when it was confirmed at the scan. I was told to come back for a scan a week later, they were quite confident by the amount of bleeding that I had that it would all happen naturally, and it did, about 5 days later. I found that bit very distressing, it happened in the middle of the night when I went to the loo.

We were told to wait until I'd had a period before we tried again, which we did, and I found out I was pregnant again just after Christmas. Started spotting again 2 weeks ago, had a scan last week which confirmed there was nothing there, just the sac. Had a follow up scan today, they said it looked as if everything had gone, which I thought was odd as I didn't think it had, but when I got home I had a massive bleed with lots of tissue (for want of a better word ) so I think that was it. I've bled much much more 2nd time round for some reason, but the EPU said it could just be where I've had 2 so close together and now my womb is having a good old clearout .

We're not going to try again just yet, as we feel like we need to give ourselves some breathing space, as well as time to get over it all (hope that doesn't sound dramatic!) There are times when I don't know if I can face even risking going through all this again, but I know that will fade in time.

So that's my story! Sorry to have rambled on - hope you haven't all died of boredom xxx

money_saving_diva

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

money_saving_diva wrote: »

What a fantastic poem..brought a lump to my throat.

I'm not forgetting that OH has been wonderful these last 2 (as he described) 'hellish weeks'.

I am so sorry for him too he will make a wonderful father...I just hope we dont have to wait too long.

I hope you don't have to wait too long. I am sure you will both make great parents. Big hugs to you both x

Bitsy_Beans

3 years ago I was pregnant the same time as a friend. I m/c at 7 weeks and she sadly lost her son at 21 weeks. Luckily I went on to conceive again the following month and my DD is now sleeping upstairs in bed. I started to miscarry the night of my DS birthday and as such I am always reminded of what happened at that time of year. I am grateful to have my two children but will always the remember the one that wasn't to be.

My thoughts are with everyone who's suffered this awful loss :A

portsmouthali

MSD, that poem is lovely, so moving. Thanks for posting it. I'm glad to hear that you have another baby on the way xxx

MV I had a glass of wine last weekend, and I'm having another one tonight. We deserve it!!

Billybobberyl, I felt awful earlier in the week when a lady on the "less than 12wks pg" thread said she'd felt scared by our stories, also the ladies on the ttc thread are battling their own heartaches too. As I haven't told anyone in "real life" about this m/c (other than work, and 2 v.close friends) I really wanted somewhere to get it out of my system as it were.

lauren_1

What an amazing thread!

My first M/C was when i was 18, at 17 weeks, then at 21 at 23 weeks and again at 15 weeks, 25 at 5 weeks and recently this week at 6 weeks (although not confirmed until tomorrow )

I have 2 childen aged 8 and 4 and am eternally greatfull for them.

portsmouthali

Lauren_1, so sorry for your losses. The later ones must have been particularly heartbreaking Have you had any tests at all? I'm not at that stage yet, but I know some of the ladies who have had 3m/cs are just going down that road.

I'm sure your children are a huge comfort to you, I know my boy is to me. xxxx

skintchick

I started a thread like this a while ago but it was locked. Can;t remember why. might see if I can find it so it can be added in here.

Here it is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1201963&highlight=miscarriage

Yeah, it was closed by a mod ut there's no note to say why. Think it was something to do with too many chatty threads on the board and it not being moneysaving.

Hope this one survives; I think it's important to have support after miscarriage.