Miscarriage support

tea_lover

samtoby wrote: »

I went straight back to work. I just took a day off and made up the hours.

In hindsight I should of taken the sick note I was offered. I am extreamly distressed now which is evident in almost everything I do.

I could have written this too. I had a m/c at about 6 wks after IVF (in april). I'd luckily (ha!) got a long weekend off work so didn't take any time off other than that, was back in work on the monday. Lots of great people on here did try to tell me that some time off might be a good idea but I didn't listen and I wish I had now.

I haven't dealt with things at all tbh. I'm really struggling to have any motivation at work (or even be polite to people!) as I just don't care about any of this. I should be preparing for maternity leave, not this.

Lara44

(((((Huge hugs TTC39))))) It is such a painful experience in all senses of the word. I hope that you are making yourself as comfortable as possible. My natural mc at 7 weeks took a week. It was painful at first but then tailed off to be more like a period. Of course far more upsetting though.

My OH is also SE, and told a couple of his clients who were able to ease off on the deadlines a bit which helped a lot. Not sure if that is possible for your OH. I took two weeks out and then kept getting sick with allergic reactions and gastroenteritis, so it has actually been a month now since I studied properly full-time (PhD student). If you don't feel ready go back to your Dr and explain that you need more time. It is perfectly legitimate.

((((((Huge hugs too Rosie)))))) I am so sorry I missed your posting before. I am sure it is so hard to deal with the uncertainty. I really hope that your Drs are looking after you in the best possible way.

((((((Huge hugs Tealover))))))

Thanks for your post Samtoby, I am starting to get some hope for the future back too

samtoby

tt39-I am sure you will be able to get your sick note extended. No Dr surely would deny you a couple of weeks. I was offered that to start. Obviously didn't take any. OH said to me last night that it is sad I am so bitter to people I know who are pregnant around the same length as me. It kind of upset me a bit. It hasn't even been a month.

Sophiasmum - I have cut caffine from my diet and am just drinking water. I feel so much better for it and downstairs is uhem......a bit more than usually (just ovulated/ ovulating)

I am expecting a nasty AF in a couple of weeks.

Lara44- A Phd wow. I wish I was that applied. I have just applied for two Foundation Degrees and I am awaiting a response from either.

Tea lover - I totally lack motivation. But just thinking time passes faster when I keep busy. Hopefully means my sticky BFP might be closer.

Rosie - Any news?

ttc39

Thank u all for lovely messages.

The hospital confirmed there is nothing there now, everything is on its way out so to speak, said may take a day or two.

The doc there said if I need more time off gp should ok it. Will see, have no idea how I may be, at the moment I don't even feel like I am me iykwim.

Hubbie gone out to do some jobs, ended up having a go at him as I feel he thinks I should be happier? Getting on with it better! Quicker !

I don't know but he just doesn't seem to care as much as I do :-(

Big hugs to all of u x

BugglyB

tea_lover wrote: »

I could have written this too. I had a m/c at about 6 wks after IVF (in april). I'd luckily (ha!) got a long weekend off work so didn't take any time off other than that, was back in work on the monday. Lots of great people on here did try to tell me that some time off might be a good idea but I didn't listen and I wish I had now.

I haven't dealt with things at all tbh. I'm really struggling to have any motivation at work (or even be polite to people!) as I just don't care about any of this. I should be preparing for maternity leave, not this.

You should be signed off sick at the moment. Even if its just for a couple of weeks. I feel like if you don't you might just end up shouting at someone and walking out, then you'll feel you have even more to be angry at yourself about!

ttc39 - I feel most of us know how it feels to be on a different page to oh about all this. As for not feeling yourself - my own feeling is its a form of post traumatic stress. Go easy on yourself x

ttc39

Started reading this thread from beginning - now on page 45.

Comforting to know how others have coped or managed to get by since their miscarriages.

Not much pain this evening now just the bleeding feels heavier .

Going to have nice bath and then upto bed.

Feels like a bad bad dream :-( xx

rosie_78

ttc39 xxxx
hugs to everyone

I've been really low past few days, worse than before. No date for D&C. Just keep being told "come back next week". Third week (on Friday) of scans. first scan showing baby died three/four weeks before. then second scan showing yolk sac growth, but CRL of embryo same as week before. So this week is to see if there is any hope. I know there isn't. it would of grown. and whilst my symptoms aren't going away, I just know im not pregnant now.

I've still not had bleeding or any cramping.

No mention of infection - am very worried about that but was told "they know what they are doing"

I cried so much today. got home from work to find my maternity nhs exemption card had arrived big slap in the face ... xx

rosie_78

and im sorry, but if OH pushes for sex again tonight, i'm liable to chop the damn thing off

sophiasmum

Rosie - really feeling for you. Sounds like you are caught up in a horrible situation, be kind to yourself x

TTC39 - I too felt as if I was caught up in a bad dream, its a way of coping I think. I just kind of got on with life and let the miscarriage happen - did mean it caught up with me a couple of weeks down the track when I felt truly awful and was back in work. Just to let you know, am thinking of you.

tea_lover

Big hugs ladies, hope everyone's doing ok today.

Rosie - I hope you get a date soon, they do seem to be dragging things out a bit. Hope your OH didn't try it on!
ttc39 - one of the main problems I had through all of this was feeling like OH just wasn't bothered. I find that men just don't connect in the same way that we do. It's us that are doing things (whether that's knowing what CD it is, checking for ov, taking vitamins, having IVF... all of it really) - men* just aren't as connected to the whole process. The ones I know (not just my OH) can't really get their heads around there being an actual baby in there. It doesn't seem real to them until the birth, whereas for us it's real from the second we see that second line.

Had a chat with my OH about this again last week, about how upset I was by his reaction, how it felt like he was almost denying my grief. He is upset, of course he is, but he's said he just couldn't imagine there was actually a baby. After all these years of trying it was too huge to get his head around. I think that's the difference - he was trying to imagine it was real, but I knew it was. As soon as the embryos were transferred they were my babies.

*Not all men obviously.

Heavens above, what a ramble.

ETA: buggly - that's my worry too! I have absolutely no patience right now (I don't have much at the best of times tbh). But I don't see that I can take time off 4 months afterwards, just seems like it's taking the p.