Miscarriage support

please-let-me-be-lucky

BadlyWrittenPoem wrote: »

Having had it happen to me at different stages, I would say that it is a different experience later on but I don't think that there is a magic number of weeks at which grief becomes valid or that before a certain point it should be easier. Although my latest one I think has been the hardest, there were other factors which made it harder such as the fact that it was the third in a row, the fact that I had been so ill and lost four months of my life seemingly for nothing, the fact that I thought I was "safe" because I was ill, the fact that my four year old knew and grieved for her eagerly anticipated sister and a myriad of other reasons. And I actually found my earliest miscarriage (the second) harder than the first miscarriage because I hadn't expected it to go wrong at such an early stage which made it a shock. From the moment you get that positive pregnancy test your entire future is changed and you start to make plans so when that baby and that future is suddenly whipped away from you it is a shock and it is difficult whatever stage you were at.

BWP I'm so sorry for all of your losses Xx

I had a similar conversation with my Grandma yesteday. She is 79 and possibly one of my best friends, I love her to bits. She lost 3 pregnancies, 2 at full term, and she said that whatever stage you lose a baby at is hard, she found them all equally difficult. She said that from the moment you know you are pregnant it is a baby to you and your life instantly changes, so to have it taken away at any point then on in is just cruel.

We had told my 8 year old I was pregnant as he was worried about me being sick all the time. We didn't officially tell my 3 year old, but he had picked up on it anyway (or his brother told him, not sure which!). The youngest kept telling me there were 2 babies and bless him he was right. The hardest part has been telling him that the babies won't be coming anymore and he keeps saying "can't we just have one of them?". They are both upset at the losses.

Sam, it is totally understandable that with your Dad's anniversary tomorrow everything seems more raw. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks to everyone who wished me well. Big hugs to everyone Xx

samtoby

Well I just wrote a long message and DS was talking and I was not concerntrating because I was doing both and managed to delete it all :mad:

Anyway. Thank you all for your kind wishes. I am feeling a little more positive today. Last night I went to the fireworks near our home and I really enjoyed getting out that was not shopping or chores if you know what I mean.

It is Dads anniversary and I don't feel as bad today as I have over the last few days. I do agree Claire with what you said. I think because I didn't really take any time off it has really only started hitting me now. I need to keep going though because if I don't I will crack I am that kind of person. I just trundle my way through trouble.

We have had a rubbish year as a couple. My car blew up in a car park in January, we had a close family member in intensive care in April, my grandad died in May and then I lost my baby in July. We have just got over one mess and sorted it out and then another comes. We need a break. But then I know some have had way worse years. You just keep going as best you can.

PLMBL - I am sorry your children are having to face this too. How terrible for you all as a family. My heart really does go out to you espeically as you have mc before.

BWP - I know what you mean about when you get the BFP and you start planning. I was thinking I would get the whole summer with a baby as she (I totally believe it was a girl, don't ask me why) would have been born in February. I was thinking at Christmas we would be sat round the table as our last time as the three of us. Something felt like it was going to be a cold winter coming and I was going to be snuggled up with my family on the sofa waiting for our little girl. But no. Not now.

I have been ov testing since I got my BFN on Tuesday. Today I have a flashing smiley so that means I am going to be ovulating in the next few days. At least I know an Af is coming. I am expecting it to be a nasty one, clearing out the rest of what ever is left. I will wait for that one

I do hope you all have a good day, weather looks a bit pants at the moment, but it could change, you know this english weather.

And once again thanks. You don't know how much your replies mean to me.

rosie_78

Hello. I'm really worried about my OH.
We found out we were expecting about 5 weeks ago. I had an early scan at 7w + 5 and was told there was no heartbeat. They arranged for another one the following week (Thursday just gone). I was told that whilst my sac etc had grown, there was still no heartbeat and the embryo had not grown at all (CRL 3mm). They've said I have three options: Natural miscarriage / Medical / or Surgical.

I've opted for surgical, but Have to go back for yet another scan on Friday of next week. I think this is more for OH as I know there is no hope for the baby now.

He's still talking to my bump, still fussing around me and he and his mum and dad are still making all these plans.

I don't really have many people irl to talk to about this. My two best friends are pregnant, so I don't want to worry them.

He is in denial and wont accept it at all. I feel so bad for him.

It doesn't help that I've still got pregnancy symptoms: extremely painful boobs, nausea (no MS) and tiredness. He says it's a sign that the baby is growing and will show both a massive growth spurt next week, as well as a heartbeat.

Yesterday evening, my ankles and feet felt a little weird. I looked at them, and they are massively swollen. I don't know why. Still very swollen today.

I've had no cramping. No bleeding, not even a little spotting.

I don't know what to do. Wait wait wait I guess. but it's so hard.

One "friend" that I did tell said something really awful to me.

"Oh so you're basically walking around with a dead baby inside you!"

Yeah .. nice (!)

please-let-me-be-lucky

Samtoby I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. I feel the same for the last 2 years since my DH's accident, we just launch from one disaster to the other. As I wrote on my diary on here, every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's another bloody train coming!!

Rosie I'm sorry for your loss and moreso for the added strain of your OH's reaction. It's hard enough to deal with it all without someone else not dealing with it. That said, I can understand why he doesn't want to let go.
For what it's worth, it was 5 weeks between when the twins stopped growing and my first signs of bleeding. My previous mc was 3weeks after the baby stopped growing. During those times I still had symptoms, particularly strong with the twin pregnancy.

I'm sorry for your "friends" reaction too. Who needs enemies when you have friends like that!! Xx

rosie_78

Thank you please-let-me-be-lucky xx

I was told baby stopped growing at 5/6 weeks. I should of been just over 9 weeks today so I guess I could start bleeding soon? Quite worried about it. My job is very full on, I run events. I have a wedding next Saturday, and one on Sunday. My assistant is away and I have no way of getting help in time in case something happens then.

I'm stressing out so much at the mo. my lower back is agony too which doesn't help as it means i'm not really sleeping. sound like a real whining !!!!! now .. .sorry x

samtoby

Rosie - I had what is called a Missed miscarriage and I was told I was unlikely to bleed for sometime and loose the pregnancy as my hormones were still rising. Check with the Dr's I am sure if you were 5/6 weeks that there are non surgical options. Hugs to you and your business, make sure you look after yourself.

PLMBL - I do hope that the latter end of 2013 is going to be a bit better. I am remaining positive. Cheapie ov test shows I am ovulating so things are going back to normal with my body, who knows how long it will take my emotions to be back to 'normal' but what is normal!!

claire16c

Rosie I don't understand why they keep sending you for scans, I'd be pushing to get it over with to be blunt. I'm surprised too because I found out 3 weeks after the baby had stopped growing & they said I had no more than 1 week to decide which option to take because of the risk of infection. Have they actually booked you in for a date to have the operation if they're saying have a scan on Friday? Or are you going to face more days after that?

I'd be calling the hospital/gp and getting it arranged. I don't know why they seem to be dragging out for you what is a complete nightmare for anyone to go through in the first place.

I'd be scared it could start at home or when you're at work. The lady in the hospital bed next to me lost her baby at 5/6 weeks but didn't bleed til 11, and even then had to have the operation as it didn't all come out. I think you need to be pushing for better medical attention & if you can't face it, get a friend or family member - or even better your OH to help.

I feel awful for you.

ttc39

Should be 9 weeks tomorrow but had an early scan at7 and 4 which showed just an empty sac.

Had visit to emergency gynae dept Tuesday, same on scan, sac had grown 2 mm but no sign of baby. Made me an appt for further scan 29th, Thursday coming.

Sat nite started brown blood spotting, but since yesterday it is bright red blood and cramping on and off.

Rang docs earlier who said go to a n e, but couldn't face it on a bh.

Currently coping with painkillers n hot water bottle.

Will go docs 1st thing in am, just hope he will sign me off work as I don't think I can face going in at moment . Had to leave last week as I had an anxiety attack.

Feel so gutted and just want this bleeding to stop :-(

sweaty_betty

ttc39 wrote: »

Should be 9 weeks tomorrow but had an early scan at7 and 4 which showed just an empty sac.

Had visit to emergency gynae dept Tuesday, same on scan, sac had grown 2 mm but no sign of baby. Made me an appt for further scan 29th, Thursday coming.

Sat nite started brown blood spotting, but since yesterday it is bright red blood and cramping on and off.

Rang docs earlier who said go to a n e, but couldn't face it on a bh.

Currently coping with painkillers n hot water bottle.

Will go docs 1st thing in am, just hope he will sign me off work as I don't think I can face going in at moment . Had to leave last week as I had an anxiety attack.

Feel so gutted and just want this bleeding to stop :-(

I'm so sorry ttc39. Really hope the bleeding stops soon.

When I had my miscarriage (earlier than you though, around 5-6 weeks) they took a couple of blood tests 48 hours apart just to check that my hormone levels were dropping as expected, so might be worth being prepared for that.

They should give you a sick note - depending on how sympathetic your GP is, I would let them know that you're in physical pain and emotional distress (mention the anxiety attack) to make sure that they realise you're not fit for work.

My bleeding lasted around 7-10 days, but was bright red and heavy over the first few days, then became lighter. Hopefully as the week goes on at least the physical side should get better.

Sending you a big hug.

sophiasmum

Hugs ttc39 - sorry to hear your news.
The bleeding is horrible - I had a natural miscarriage at home and just had to deal with it - sorry you have to go through this. Go and see your Dr, he will sign you off work, you don't want to go to work while you are bleeding. I miscarried over the Easter Hols and 'luckily' had a week off work as holiday, but I would have had no hesitation in phoning in sick in this circumstance - I hope your employer is sympathetic.
Hope you manage to get some rest x