Miscarriage support

TeamLowe

Oh tea I'm so sorry that he's being a !!!!!!, can I come round and slap him?

Seriously, you need a lot of support right now and if he isn't willing to give it then you need to find it somewhere else- are your friends/parents close by?

Only you know if this attitude is as horrible as it seems or I'd it comes from him not being to able to cope with his own grief. Frankly if it was me and it was the former I'd be thinking of my exit strategy, it would be unforgivable for me to be abandoned when I need someone most x

claire16c

TeamLowe wrote: »

Only you know if this attitude is as horrible as it seems or I'd it comes from him not being to able to cope with his own grief. Frankly if it was me and it was the former I'd be thinking of my exit strategy, it would be unforgivable for me to be abandoned when I need someone most x

I agree. If this is generally how he behaves then...

I think its unforgivable for him to leave you to go off on a holiday. And then a couple of texts? That's beyond belief.

My DH was amazing when I had a miscarriage. And to be honest I wouldn't expect anything less. And neither should you.

Have you ever had someone older die in your family whilst you've been with him? How did he act then? Does he generally support you?

If he does then perhaps this is his way of grieving. But if hes generally an !!!!!!! then Id be googling for sure. And throwing his stuff out in black bags.

BadlyWrittenPoem

Tealover, I'm sorry he's being so unsupportive. As others have said, it is possible that his way of coping with it is denial. I know that that doesn't make the lack of suport any easier but if it is that then I hope you are able to work past it together. I think any loss can be hard on a relationship because we grieve in different ways and need different support and sometimes can't give the support the other one needs when they need it.

Peonie

Tea, I can't believe he's acting like that. You deserve support from him.

I agree with what everyone else has said.

Is there a family member of friend you can speak to. Maybe write yourself a letter and put into it absolutely everything you are feeling. It won't change how your OH is acting but it may make you feel better. Big hugs.

skintchick

Toooldforthis wrote: »

Yes please if you don't mind xx

Well, I had my tests done at St Mary's Hospitaal in paddington. They did a scan of my uterus, and then blood tests based on my history and the scan.

Because I lost my babies at various stages of the first trimester, and had a small fibroid, they decided to operate to remove the fibroid and do tests into my blood stickiness.

They can also test for other things but on the NHs they base it on your history. If you go private they do all the tests.

The op wasn;t successful cos when they got in there the fibroidy bit wasn;t big enough to remove, so they left it.

The bloods came back, eventually (they lost one sample!) as showing I have Factor V Leiden which is a blood clotting disorder and I now have a treatment plan for my next pregnancy, of heparin injected daily to thin my blood throughout the pregnancy.

I have two friends who went there privately (and got much better service) and one just had the blood tests and scan, and the other, she had that and her OH had to give a sperm sample. She also has Factor V Leiden so I think going private you can choose to have what tests you want and she had all of them cos she has also had five miscarriages, and at that point had no baby (she now has a child and is pregnant with her second).

Does that help a bit? I posted at the time on the multiple miscarriages thread so you could read back on there, I just posted it on it for something else so it should be visible on the first page or so.

Just ask if you want to know anything else.

Toooldforthis

Thank you skintchic .... I just dont know what to do anymore :-( ... am not getting on with OH I just want him to go away and leave me alone .... I hate my body as it's let me down ... and I want tomorrow to come but part of me doesnt as they are going to take my baby away

I know it gets easier but stupidly I believed it was going to be ok this time xx

any_name_will_suffice

Toooldforthis and tealover,

Sorry to see you here.

TOFT, I'm currently awaiting results from the tests I have had. My GP referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic after my third mc. I had had a very detailed ultrasound around the time of my third mc, the consultant viewed this. I have found out I have polycystic ovaries, but the consultant was not too worried as I am not overweight, and I have not had any problems getting pregnant.

Like skintchick, I have had blood taken, to test for blood clotting, and also thyroid and prolactin levels. She also took blood from my OH to check for chromasonal incompatabilities with me. She also took a load of swabs to check for infections etc, as I have had BV in the past.
I am waiting for the results in the next couple of weeks, but she said if nothing showed up, she would plan treatment involving aspirin, progesterone supplements and an antibacterial cream to start when I get pg again, as a precautionary/ preventative measure.

I had my first mmc in July, second in October and another mc early this year. I think it's only been in the last month or two that OH and I have felt like we're ok again. I was so angry at him for being able to carry on going to work like nothing had happened, and he was so angry at himself for not being able to do anything to make it better for me. I actually asked him to leave when I was being prepared for my first erpc (read, threw him out the hosptial), and when I had my second I asked him to drop me off and come back for me later on. In fact, the day we had the bad news at our first 12 week scan appointment, we came home, he opened his laptop and started work-I was soooo angry about that for a long time. We have talked about going our seperate ways a few times since we started this journey, and what I think I'm trying to say, is that finding times tough after pregnancy loss is quite normal.

budget_budd

Today would have been my lost baby's due date, can't believe how much time has gone by... I have a gorgeous new niece who is so tiny and beautiful and makes my ovaries sing, she is only 11 days old. I could just cuddle her forever!

I have done a lot of soul searching and thought I had decided that no more pregnancies and then I can have no more heartache when it goes wrong, (I have mental health issues and am currently on the edge of a breakdown) but today I am thinking what if this pain is all because I need to be a mother again? Now I don't know.

I have been reading everyone's recent experiences and my heart breaks again and again, I haven't been able to talk much about my experiences, Im so glad that some on here are much more open than me. I still wish I could make it ok for everyone though.

I made a little memory for my second lost baby today, so now I have two cute ladybirds to represent my angel babies.
:A2/5/2010 and :A6/5/2013.

Take care of yourselves and be kind to yourselves everyone. If it helps anyone to know I had 2 and a half months off work sick after my last mmc / erpc. Please don't be in a rush to get back to work, I did the first time and it was not helpful.

Toooldforthis

Big hugs budget_budd .... my first was due feb, second july and this one would have been due November ..... have to be at hospital for 730am part of me wants to go so I can start grieving properly but the rest of me just wants it to be a mistake and my baby is ok....
Take care every one x

budget_budd

((Big Hug for you too Toooldforthis)), be kind to yourself x

Try and get some sleep tonight, I know I couldn't sleep the night before my hospital appointment

I'll be thinking of you x