Miscarriage support

abis21

I know it wasn't the nurses fault so I didn't say anything cos I know she would have felt bad. Just felt so sad.

Feel like a failure I suppose.

First of all I make a form of cancer instead of a baby, then I can't make a baby for ages and don't have proper cycles, and then I can't keep hold of a baby for more than 6 days.

I know in my head that its not my fault etc etc. It just hurts a lot today. Feeling sorry for my self, which I know isn't helping at all.

DH doesn't really get it - he says he doesn't really expect anything until he gets a baby in his arms. I know its different for men, and hes definately at the other end of the emotional spectrum than I am. I just don't suppose I have anyone to talk to right now. DD is playing nicely in the other room and I'm sat sobbing quietly to myself and not knowing how to get motivated or anything.

And I bet even tho they probably won't count this as a miscarriage in resepct of being offered any help with a recurrent miscarriage appointment, I bet they count it as not trying for a year after a loss even tho I was undergoing tests for secondary infertility - so I bet I don't get any help for the next few months even if we struggle to catch on again :o

MoneySavingMamma

I'm really confused & need some help!

Levels are up, but not enough ( not doubled) i think it was 200-300 not sure.
They want to go with eptopic & give me abortion drugs to get rid! I said what if my dates are wrong, they say not likely.
They wanted me to stay in over night (i refused) and have injection tomorrow.
I've got the appointment booked for 1.30, but what if dates/cycles are wrong?! If i do this i cant TTC for 3-6 months!
Not been scanned again, told its too risky to wait until Fri.
But i've got no pain, only discomfort.
They seemed genuinely surprised by my good health, lack of pain etc.
What evidence do they have? Not a lot!
Ther was some fluid around base of tube. But uts not even the side i felt implantation (so i thought) on! I'm so confused, want 2nd opinion, but main hospital closed.
Spotting has come back pm, and bright red (probably from belly prodding)

Do i put my foot down & say wait? Or is this risking my life, and not worth my kids losing mother over a 4week old baby!?!

abis21

Why is it risky to scan again? I don't get that?

And why would you have to wait 3-4 months to TTC again? That doesn't make sense either.

I think I would definately want some more information before proceeding.

I just read on the NHS website and it said that it is usually diagnosed via a vaginal scan. Why can't they do that?

HCG levels can vary so much between people. There is no definate graph or pattern to follow.

Having said that, if you have a ruptured falopian tube then that is going to be much worse.

I know there was some confusion over your dates and different possibilities.

If it was me - I would want some more answers and tests doing before proceeding. I also thought it would be a surgical option to remove an ectopic pregnancy, because its not as simple as a missed miscarriage.

Chocolate_Cookie_Monster

Hi MSM,

Sorry to but in but I still keep an eye on these threads.

Just wanted to give you my tuppence worth as I had an ectopic in Nov 2011.

Please do not allow them to give you the drugs until it is 100% confirmed as ectopic.
With mine, the first scan showed an empty uterus and empty everything pretty much (I was classed as a pregnancy of unknown location), I was told to go back a day later to see if they could see anything else and lo and behold the you could see the sac in the fallopian tube. But I would not be comfortable with just having drugs "just in case". I can't see what risk there is with scanning. I assume the are doing the internal vag cam scan?

If you have any sort of pain on your sides or bleeding (not sure if you have had bleeding) then demand a rescan. In fact I would demand a rescan tomorrow.

CCM

Chocolate_Cookie_Monster

Also re the question about TTC after the injection.

The injection is some form of chemotherapy and seriously affects the folic acid levels (and probably other vital TTC essentials). Therefore they recommend a 6 month wait after the injection. (also the injection does not always work the first time and hcg levels need to be monitored for weeks after)

I had the operation, which although is intrusive and has a recovery period, does mean that you can TTC sooner - but then you have scarring which can affect TTC.

MoneySavingMamma

Cookie monster was yours a successful pregnancy?
Its not too risky to scan, too risky to wait!
I'm in no pain, just spotting now but probably caused by belly prodding.

MoneySavingMamma

Sorry just re-read!

MoneySavingMamma

But did leaving it to grow mean you needed surgery rather than drugs?

Greener_Grass

abis, i'm so so sorry you are feeling like this. please don't blame yourself you are not a failure, unfortunatly these things are out of our control and you are most certainly not to blame. please go easy on yourself!!! I understand completely, i think our backgrounds are similar, I have a 4 year old and have been ttcing since april 2010, had a miscarraige 6 months ago. my husband is the exact same and doesn't show any of his emotions at all, he too says hes not emotionally attached to this pregnancy because of the bad experience last time and i think its completely different for men. When your a woman and you've been ttcing for so long you want a baby more than anything, you also grow the baby within your body so are instantly connected. Please do not feel alone there are lots of people who understand. I for one do understand and am more than happy to listen to you anytime, please feel free to pm me anytime. Do not suffer in silence please xxxx

MSM, i'm gobsmacked at them!! please please please do not accept just their word for it! you def need confirmation first, the internet is full of stories similar to your own with people being told to terminate then being checked a few days later and theres a heartbeat!!! Also my levels are totally pants yet i have all the right things there at the moment, If your levels have gone from 200-300 thats a rise of 50% in 2 days, this is actually more than my levels doubled between my first two blood tests! The injection is a big decision and one not to be made lightly. i def think you need at least another scan and possibly more blood tests I don't know. My dr led me to believe you would have warning pains long before it ruptured if it was ectopic but i'm not sure how true this is. What a crap position to be in, huge hugs to you xxxx

eta you also said your periods are usually a bit late so it is very possibly your dates are wrong

claire16c

Abi I hope you can get it down as a miscarriage on your medical notes. I dont know why they would be so against it. Can you still talk to your OH even if he doesnt really 'get it'?

MSM Im afraid I dont really have any advice except that to me it seems a little odd they wont wait til Friday to rescan if they are not completely sure themselves.