Miscarriage support

lilymay1

brunettegirl wrote: »

i really feel for my friend she found out on thursday at her scan that baby had stopped growing, they made her wait till tomorrow before they will do the op. She is in bits! it is awful making her wait like this - not good for her mental health. they really should change the rules/procedures i think.

It is much the same for women who loose their child at the end of the pregnancy. I only had to wait 3 days but when I was in hospital after my daughter died I got speaking to a woman who found out her baby had died at 40+1. She had to wait until 41+1 to deliver because she had been visiting her parents in a different county and the nearest hospital wouldn't admit her. She had to spend a week carrying a dead baby. It is just awful.

Claire - I saw your update on the <12 week thread and I was so sorry to hear your news. Just before Christmas must make it hurt even more. I hope you are looked after. xxxx

msb5262

So sorry Claire. What a horrible thing to happen - you poor soul. Please accept my sympathy and very best wishes.

MsB

Courgette

Claire, I'm so sorry to hear your news xxx

TeamLowe

Claire i'm so sorry to hear your news, take good care of yourself and DH
and especially at this time of year - be kind to yourself. don't try to force yourself to be jolly just because it's christmas but on the other hand don't feel guilty for feeling jolly if you do.
take each day, each hour as it comes x x

Be thinking of you all, hope you'll all find it as easy as possible. last year was awful for me thinking of how pregnant i should have been x x

claire16c

Thank you everyone. I still can't believe it. Although I had been feeling very nervous the past couple of weeks I feel like deep down I knew something was wrong but then I am a worrier anyway. Abi- do you know what the other options are? I can't face doing it at home either. I just don't want to do anything

abis21

The other options are to wait and let it happen naturally, although this can take some time. As it is a missed miscarriage, ie your body has not automatically passed the baby as soon as it died, then your body may be not as likely to pass it naturally for some time. This can be traumatic, waiting for it to happen and not knowing when it will happen.

You can also opt for medical management, whereby at the hospital you will have a tablet inserted vaginally, which will sort of force your body in to miscarrying. You would have to stay in hospital for 6 hours (or thats what my local hospital said - don't know if it is different in different areas) to be monitored. Sometimes it can happen quickly, sometimes it might not happen in that 6 hours and in which case it would happen at home.

Or there is the ERPC. This is where you have to be nil by mouth for 12 hours before, and you will have an operation under general anaesthetic. The actual procedure takes approx 10 minutes, but altogether you are under anaesthetic for about an hour. It can take a while waiting in hospital for this procedure, but you do have a definate 'day' for when it will happen. Not so easy to think about if you are frightened of needles etc tho

I chose the ERPC as mine was a suspected molar pregnancy and the placenta needed sending off for testing to have it confirmed. I think if I was to miscarry again I would chose the same way, as it suited me and my needs best - but everyone is different and prefer different ways. It is very much a personal choice, but the nurses / doctors will be able to give you more information and talk through each of the procedures with you.

There is no right or wrongs with miscarriage. It is a process of grief. Grief for the loss of your baby, and also the future you had planned for them.

If you chose the natural method, or the medically managed (and you didn't pass the baby in the 6 hours) then you will need to go back for a scan to confirm that all the womb is clear. That is just to make sure nothing is left as that can cause an infection.

Its going to be a lot for you to take in at the moment, and you will be numb and in shock.

In the next few days and weeks your emotions will be completely all over the place I'm afraid Time felt as though it was standing still to begin with for me. It gets easier over time, but you won't be able to appreciate that right now For now the world just sucks and its not fair

So sorry again Claire Its horrible seeing familiar names on here Hope you are getting lots of cuddles from your DH.

skintchick

Hi Claire

I'm so sorry. That is so hard.

As Abis said there are a few options. I have always opted to miscarry naturally at home. I had one properly missed miscarriage and it took less than a week from being told the baby had died for the miscarriage to begin so it doesn't necessarily take a long time, but I did find that during that period of waiting I felt unable to leave the house in case it started while I was out.

In reality the bleeding starts slowly so there wasn't really any need for me to stay home.

I've had five miscarriages and have done them all at home so if you want to go down that route and want to know more then please just ask.

You could always wait a few days to see if it starts naturally and if it doesn't then go to the hospital for the ERPC. There is no rush despite what the doctors might try to tell you.

Hugs x c

brunettegirl

Claire I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

I would not recomend the tablet option,I lost mine at 21 weeks and had the tablet option it basically tricks your body into going into labour, whilst there is pain relief that they can give you, there are awful side effects to the tablets.

Make sure you ask for all your options good points and bad for all.

Give yourself time to grieve and have lots of nice supportive friends and family around xx

skintchick

So Claire do ask any questions you have. As you can see we have a wealth of knowledge and experience between us on all the options. X x

please-let-me-be-lucky

I'm so sorry for your loss Claire. I think everyone else has covered all the major points, I just wanted to add that whatever option you feel is best for you is the right option. I opted to miscarry naturally, but after 5 weeks there was still tissue left, so I went for the medical management but this still didn't clear everything, so I went for the ERPC as a final option. This wasn't without it's problems, but to be honest if I was faced with it all again I'd probably go straight for the ERPC. At the time however, I went with my instincts and I feel better for doing so. It's a tough enough time for you, do what you feel is right.

Big hugs Xx