Miscarriage support

Nicki

So sorry for the new posters who are going through this at the moment.

I have just got back from my post miscarriage doctors appointment and am still reeling. For some reason my doctor, who has looked after me during my other pregnancies and knows me very well as a result, thought on being told that we wanted to try again, that it would be a kind or reassuring thing to say that "it wouldnt be the end of the world if you never had another child" and the classic "even if you do get pregnant (in the context of my age) there is no guarantee that you will be able to carry to term. As it is just over 3 weeks since we lost our baby, I am not in the best place to hear any of this.

Guess_who?

cozza123 wrote: »

I just MC at the weekend and it may sound strange but i could tell for a while. i consulted the doctor when i started bleeding to be told oh it'll be implantation bleeding and come have a blood test to test your hormones only to be told it was positive to pregnancy and nothing more than that.

people i knew at work who had been pregnant kept telling me oh you'll be fine bleeding happened to me so with it being my first all those feelings made me feel like i was some silly first time pregnant person and what did i know really.

now i just feel angry and feel like no one believed me, so after going to to toilet and clear in my mind was the fact something was definitely wrong me and my oh went to hospital. after not being told much in hospital we were told i was likely to be kept in overnight so OH went to get some things from home and in the half and hour that he was gone it was done and over i was 7 weeks into my pregnancy and what was shown to me in a kidney dish was referred to me as The pregnancy i was shocked i didn't know they did that.

What i want to know is how do you get over it. i know it has made me more determined to have a baby but terrified that it will happen again, i'm sat at home as i thought if i go to work it may set me off as some of the girls at work are pregnant and feel that i cant really ask anyone anything as the people i confined in told me i would be fine.

I think you are right to take some time off work, Im finding that as my body is yet to return to 'normal' its hard for me to move on. Im still bleeding heavily and getting morning sickness so my body is full of a mixture of hormones - one minute I feel fine and the next Im in a pit of despair !

People never know what to say to someone who is grieving so instead of keeping quiet they come out with some thoughtless cliche.

The best help Ive found is to talk about it - on here helps loads as there are people who can understand what you are going through with the added bonus of coming on here whenever you need to !

Jesswithwings

Hi! I'm sorry I've not posted in a long time. I'm finding it all a bit hard right now - its been over 4 months since I lost my baby and I am doing a lot better than I was in the early days but this week its all got to me. 3 girls at work have just announced they're pregnant and that's on top of the 2 girls who are due the same time I was due. So that's 5 baby bumps to avoid and/or pretend to be excited about. DH doesn't want to ttc again as I nearly died when the ectopic ruptured and he can't go through that again.. but I'm just so sad tonight. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out - don't really expect any replies Much love to everyone feeling rubbish tonight xx

*Ro*

:grouphug: Hugs to all those on this page that need them, your posts are read and I wish that I could make things easier for all of you
Ro x

SusanC_2

Jesswithwings wrote: »

Hi! I'm sorry I've not posted in a long time. I'm finding it all a bit hard right now - its been over 4 months since I lost my baby and I am doing a lot better than I was in the early days but this week its all got to me. 3 girls at work have just announced they're pregnant and that's on top of the 2 girls who are due the same time I was due. So that's 5 baby bumps to avoid and/or pretend to be excited about. DH doesn't want to ttc again as I nearly died when the ectopic ruptured and he can't go through that again.. but I'm just so sad tonight. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out - don't really expect any replies Much love to everyone feeling rubbish tonight xx

Did they give you any information about the likelyhood of it happening again? It may be worth asking about the possibility of a very early scan to check as from what I can tell (although I haven't read much) the sooner it is detected the less risk there is to you and it might set your husband's mind at ease if he knew something like that could be in place.

portsmouthali

Hi Cozza, so sorry for your loss. It's just the worst shock and I can honestly say I've never felt such sadness. I promise it does get better, but give yourself plenty of time xxxxx

Jediteacher, your story gives me lots of hope I am going to be injecting clexane next time, after 4 unexplained miscarriages. I'm also Rh- but had the anti-d injection after having my son (before my miscarriages) so don't think that caused them. We have just started trying again, and my specialist has pretty much said that if the clexane doesn't work, there is no other treatment he can suggest. So this will be the last one - we just can't keep going through this.

I have a colleague at work who is due 5th March - 2 days after I would have been had I not miscarried in August. She has a proper bump now that people are commenting on. I know it's selfish but it really, really hurts You'd think I would be used to it now.

((hugs)) also to everyone else who has posted recently and dealing with this vile experience. You're all in my thoughts xxx

Jesswithwings

SusanC wrote: »

Did they give you any information about the likelyhood of it happening again? It may be worth asking about the possibility of a very early scan to check as from what I can tell (although I haven't read much) the sooner it is detected the less risk there is to you and it might set your husband's mind at ease if he knew something like that could be in place.

Thanks. They just said that there's a 10% greater chance of it happening again and the minute my period is late or I suspect I might be pregnant I have to do a test. If its BFP then I need to arrange an early scan and I will be scanned at 5, 7 and 9 weeks as well as the usual 12 week to ensure that the foetus is in the uterus. But DH still is having none of it I can understand to a point because it was him who found me collapsed and unconscious and called the ambulance. For me I was unaware of what was happening for a lot of that day so my feelings are mainly one of sadness but for him its fear too.

It still doesnt change how I feel though

Jesswithwings

portsmouthali wrote: »

I have a colleague at work who is due 5th March - 2 days after I would have been had I not miscarried in August. She has a proper bump now that people are commenting on. I know it's selfish but it really, really hurts You'd think I would be used to it now.

Hugs x There are 2 girls due the same time as I was at work, and everyone is arranging their baby showers. They asked me if I was going to go but I just can't possibly face it its not that I'm not happy for them, but I just wish it was me too. You're not selfish - you're a grieving mother. You wouldn't be normal if you didnt feel like that xx

emsbet

Hello,

We found out this morning that our little baby's heart stopped beating. I was 13+3 but our baby died at around 11+3 just a few days after we had our dating scan. We had that scan a few days early because I had a small amount of bleeding that was red but lasted just a few hours. They said on the scan that our baby was fine and that they couldn't see any reason for the bleeding. The baby even gave us a little wave, my DH thinks (s)he was waving bye and held on long enough for us to see him/her. I think I like to think of it that way.

I have been spotting since Sunday. I spoke to the EPU on Sunday and they said not to worry. I was still spotting on Wednesday and didn't feel right about it so I went to my GP. He got me a scan but the earliest they could do was today. I was still feeling unsure that everything was ok so I spoke to the community midwives who reassured me it should be fine as long as the bleeding wasn't heavy. After I spoke to them the bleeding got heavier so we went to A&E. We were there two hours, the bleeding wasn't what they call heavy so other than taking my BP and pulse they didn't do anything. They tried to get me an earlier scan but couldn't as the EPU were busy. Again I was reassured that as we'd seen a heartbeat at 11+1 it was most likely fine. Yesterday I phoned the midwife again for further reassurance. I was having some mild cramps so she called the EPU to try and get my scan moved forward but no luck.

I feel like no one would listen to me when I said there was something wrong. I know there is nothing anyone could have done but if someone had listened to me earlier I wouldn't have had to carry my baby round inside me for two weeks when (s)he was already gone.

We have opted for the "medical" option as I'm am afraid of general anaesthetic and we felt this was the best option for us. I hope it works ok.

I'm not sure how long I can take off work. I'm dreading going back as there are two other ladies i work with who are pregnant.

xx

thebaileys

So sorry to hear of your loss, it must be very hard for you after having a scan that showed everything was fine.

Try not to worry about work, it is best to take as long as you need. When I lost my first baby I took about 3 months off work as like you there were 2 girls on my team both expecting which I found very hard.

I lost another baby in february this year I was 13-14 weeks, I was also terrified of anaesthetic and went into hospital for medical management, which didn't work for me, but I hear is normally successful.

The hospital staff were very nice, take time to recover,so sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))