Miscarriage support

Lauralou

Amara no you are not a bad person to feel that way, it's only natural. You always think 'why me'. Check with your doctor.

SusanC_2

Amara wrote: »

Today, I've seen girl almost 10 years yunger then me, 8 months pregnant. Very happy and I was like I'm so happy for y0u. Of course. I came back home and cried. My DH had no idea how to behave. Am I a bad person for feeling like that ?!!! I'm 35 next month and my period started yesterday. I remember, when I miscarried last tmie, my hormone levels were over 3000, when I went to hospital and about 700 when I left, after. Does it mean, everything was fine with baby? I 've got doctor apointment on Monday, I'll see what can I do.

I'm afraid I don't know anything about the hormones but you aren't a bad person just because you're upset about other people being pregnant when you are not, I think it's fairly normal to feel like that.

Amara

Thank you for all your answers . I've been at doctor today, been refered to specialist. I'm waiting for the letter now.

cozza123

I just MC at the weekend and it may sound strange but i could tell for a while. i consulted the doctor when i started bleeding to be told oh it'll be implantation bleeding and come have a blood test to test your hormones only to be told it was positive to pregnancy and nothing more than that.

people i knew at work who had been pregnant kept telling me oh you'll be fine bleeding happened to me so with it being my first all those feelings made me feel like i was some silly first time pregnant person and what did i know really.

now i just feel angry and feel like no one believed me, so after going to to toilet and clear in my mind was the fact something was definitely wrong me and my oh went to hospital. after not being told much in hospital we were told i was likely to be kept in overnight so OH went to get some things from home and in the half and hour that he was gone it was done and over i was 7 weeks into my pregnancy and what was shown to me in a kidney dish was referred to me as The pregnancy i was shocked i didn't know they did that.

What i want to know is how do you get over it. i know it has made me more determined to have a baby but terrified that it will happen again, i'm sat at home as i thought if i go to work it may set me off as some of the girls at work are pregnant and feel that i cant really ask anyone anything as the people i confined in told me i would be fine.

Metranil_Vavin

Hi cozza. So sorry you have been through this.
I can't believe the kidney dish thing! I have never heard of that happening before, and to be honest I would complain about that. Talk about b*oody insensitive!
I don't know how you get over it, but you just do. It took me a while, and I won't lie and say it was easy.
I think you just need to grieve and cry as much as you feel you need to. Let people around you look after you too.
I had a mc in January 2010 and was pregnant again by the April and gave birth to my beautiful son in January this year.
After the mc I was terrified of it happening again, and I was very cautious throughout the pregnancy but all went well thankfully.
Take some time off work if you need to as well. I had a week off as couldn't face going in straight afterwards.
It does get better as time goes on, just be kind to yourself for a while x

SusanC_2

:grouphug: Cozza I'm so sorry for your loss. Apparently miscarriages are more common in a first pregnancy (and having had one miscarriage is not considered to affect the odds of having one next time) so there is no reason to expect that you wouldn't have a successful pregnancy in the future. I'm sorry you feel like nobody believed you. Bleeding is fairly common in pregnancy and half the time it does lead to miscarriage and half the time it doesn't and although it wasn't helpful I imagine people were probably trying to be encouraging by saying that it wasn't necessarily a miscarriage. If you can't face work at the moment, it's fine and if you need to you can go and see the GP for a doctor's note - take whatever time you need. It is hard but you will feel better in time. (And like MV I am shocked by your treatment and would recommend making a complaint if you feel up to it - I made a formal complaint after my first miscarriage and they appear to have improved slightly since then.)

jediteacher

I wish I had found this thread when I was going through my miscarriages - you are all very lovely and supportive. A common thing that I felt was that no one understood what I was going through - hubby was very practical about things and didn't want to discuss what had happened.

I've been through 3 miscarriages over the last 2 years but I do have a happy ending so there is hope. I had a healthy first pregnancy with my daughter who is now 4 but when we tried for our second I had 3 consecutive miscarriages. It was heartbreaking but it made me all the more determined to be pregnant. The odd thing was with each of the pregnancies I just 'felt' things weren't right and miscarried naturally at 6 weeks. We went for testing but nothing wrong was found. We were then refered to a specialist who prescribed baby aspirin and then when I fell pregnant clexane. This all worked and I now have a very healthy 4 month old son.

However, I cannot help but wonder what went wrong all the times before. I'm rhesus negative and strongly believe that I should have been given an anti-d injection after each miscarriage but was told this was not procedure any more. I believe that I miscarried this many times as the babies blood was not rhesus negative - my son is rhesus negative. But I will never know.

Also I would love another child in the near future (hubby not keen but I can work on that) but am too terrified of going through the miscarriages again.

Just wanted to share that I understand your pain and loss. It does get easier in some ways but everyone is different. Just hang in there and make sure that you do not bottle up all those feelings and if you feel like you need a good cry then cry.

Sending huge hugs to all those who need them.

thebaileys

jediteacher- Just read your post, so sorry to hear about your miscarriages, but happy that you have your son.

I am rhesus negative too, I miscarried at 13 weeks, with my 1st pregnancy -I wasn't even aware I was rhesus negative until afterwards and was given an anti d.

I was lucky enough to fall pregnant 6 months later, and had my lovely son who is almost 6 now, who is also rhesus negative.

Sadly I miscarried again in February this year at 14 weeks, again I was given a anti d afterwards.

I also think about why I had my miscarriages, I can't believe they no longer give the anti d!

I would love more children but Im also terrified of it happening again , and had an awful time last time round. Ending up with 2 ERPC's after trying tablets twice too.:(

*Ro*

Cozza,

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

I had a mc in Aug 2009 at home around 10 wks, My work colleague who I sat next to was pregnant so I sympathise with you worry about going back to work. I did not know that I was pregnant as I thought that I was having a period before I had the mc so did not test. I was sometimes irregular due to pcos.

I took a total of 5 days off work plus a bank holiday as I knew that I was not ready to return and it helped me try to come to terms with the enormous shock. My hubby and I also decided to make a plan to go away for a week quietly just over a month after it happened to a cottage and it did help us.

Before I returned to work I had emailed my acting boss to tell her what had happened, she agreed that it was ok to take the time off and that I did not want to have a chat about the sick leave with my line manager who was a chap. He was very understanding and actually said his sister had suffered a mc too so he understood. I specifically wanted to wait until the bleeding had stopped before I went back to work too. I chose not to tell my pregnant colleague. But I really felt that outlining my wishes in advance of my return helped me feel in control and cope with going back. Its not easy only a couple of weeks after my boss came in with her new baby and of course I was upset, but at home and so I should be it is normal. I hope that your work are very good to you and give you the space you need.

My mum who also had a mc between me and my brother told me to not underestimate how upset I might be and to be gentle with myself.

I hope you have a good friend who can support you, I found it surprising how many other women who I knew had also suffered but it is not talked about.

One thing I noticed that you said that your oh left and then it all happened, my hubby went for a walk and mine started as soon as he was out the door, I phoned my mum who came over but I really understand how just him not being there upset me, but of course rationally it cant be helped, but I will admit to being very clingy with my husband in those early days of recovery

I want to say that as sad as things are at the moment that there is always a light somewhere. We waited quite sometime before trying (although out of the people I knew some did not wait everyone is different) and I am now pregnant so want to say that yes of course I was terrified (and still am from time to time) but that I really hope you feel better soon and hope that things work out for you. I did take a preconception vitamin too as I felt it would help me feel better prepared, I also packed in work this year and look after my mothers puppy, we have less money but I know for me it was the right thing, everyones circumstances are different though (I had been worrying about pcos so wanted to take a chance).

I am so so sorry that you had a bad experience at the hospital, it really makes me cross that they were so insensitive.

I hope what I have said is ok as I realy did not want to read and run.

The ladies who mention about rhesus negative, I also am rhesus negative too so understand xx

Take Care

Ro xx

manda1205

So sorry cozza123, I can't say it will be easy, but gradually it gets easier, if you get me.
Jediteacher - I am also rhesus negative, yet my 7 year old daughter is the same as my husband (not sure what, but I know its not rhesus neg). I too have also had 3 MCs, and have only been given anti-d with the first as I had to have an ERPC, I also can't help but feel that my rhesus neg state has something to do with the MCs, even though they say it doesn't, maybe I just want to blame something. I haven't had any tests and we aren't trying any more, I just can't keep doing it, I feel like every pregnancy will end in MC and my body had just had enough of it (I had 3 MC in just under 5mnths), I was so knackered and achey and run down.
Anyway hugs to everyone, oh and definitly have good cry's when needed.