How to deal with a child who has mental health issues.

Kay_Peel

I've got a practical tip for you about how to deal with your son's self-harm.

There are at least three reasons for self-harm
1. Mental illness like schizophrenia of bi-polar, or a personality disorder - in which case he needs timely and immediate intervention by Mental Health Professionals. Strong medication as well as 'talking therapies' will follow.

2. Acute trauma following sexual or physical abuse - in which case he needs to talk to a counsellor that he can trust and open up to. The last thing he needs is medication, because the root cause will not go away

3. Overwhelming emotional 'pain' where the only relief is to inflict more intense pain and suffering on the body, to take his mind off the terrible feelings that he is experiencing. In this case, he needs his family to get to the bottom of that pain and suffering.

Here's something you can try in the last type of case. Strike a bargain with him that, together, you will find a safer way of dealing with painful and overwhelming emotions. When he feels overwhelmed by them then instead of cutting or burning himself, he should do something else. Some people eat a deadly hot chilli or a tray of ice-cubes (or both), some take a cold shower - they do anything that will give them that same intense sensation of hurt and pain, but without the scars.

Give him a space where he can punch pillows and scream his head off - siblings should be prepared to leave a shared bedroom and not raise an eyebrow.

In other words, get it out in the open, acknowledge it as a fact of his present life and that the whole family is going to help him manage it safely. He's already talking to you about some of his feelings - so that's a very positive sign that you are doing and saying the right things. Keep it up!

I hope you can all get through this - it is a frightening situation to be in.

Bethankim

I tried to keep it chronilogical and put things like

self care - showers or lack of
bunking off school
eating - more less
etc

when we got to the CAHM's appointment the focus was on my son, he wasnt very talkative so we went through the list he confirmed some stuff, thought i was mad on others and stayed silent on lots. remember i was seeing it from my perspective which was fine but i was guessing at what was the biggest thing.

the 1st appointment is headlines and if my experience is anything to go by we had 2 - 3 months of assesment..he was and is in control of it, usually spends a lot of time paying with lego and appearing to be beored..but he does engage.

I really had to learn to back off - now i stay for 10 mins with a how has he been and then leave, if they need to speak at the end they call me back.

Hardest part was wanting to know what he talked about and i have learnt to keep my mouth shut and if he shares he does. Its his therapy, i will battle school and still am, will fight his corner and above all be very honest and not take no for answer..but the golden rule is it is about where he is and not you, you cant take your issues in there and you may hear things you really wish you didnt have to. to listen as my son told me all the times id let him down, etc was a bitter pill to swallow and its not been easy..but i have learnt to back off, keep my mouth shut sometimes and listen but also still be his mum.

I found an online forum a really good palce to share where my head was, and i tried to set up a parents/carers group to offload where i am in all this..

DVardysShadow

mrcow wrote: »

Actually I think that you are the one who is missing the point. This child has attepted to hang himself. He has a 12 year old girlfriend who he is obviously going to be sharing his his thoughts and problems with. If there is any sort of sustained relationship here, her parents have a right to know what sort of state of mind he is in.

No point missed at all here. The girl's parents should be attending to that themselves. There are no special indicators here for harm to the girl herself. Her parents don't need Stef's input.

In fact, your advice and the wrong set of parents could get all kinds of wrong info into the public domain which would make stef's lad a pariah for the rest of his school days.

There is no indication that anything untoward would happen given normal parenting form both sets of parents.

DVardysShadow

mrcow wrote: »

In what way.


Do any of you here have any experience of dealing with suicide? Seriously? I can tell you I have. This is no walk in the park here. These are young kids we are talking about here. Impressionable, vunerable and by definition secretive.

By definition secretive? So the ones who say nothing are the secretive ones?

Perhaps we should treat the ones with nothing to say, in case they are secretive? I think you are going OTT.

mrcow

DVardysShadow wrote: »

By definition secretive? So the ones who say nothing are the secretive ones?

Perhaps we should treat the ones with nothing to say, in case they are secretive? I think you are going OTT.

And I think you have no idea what you are talking about. What do you mean by "treat"?Do you know anything about 12 year old girls at all? They are often secretive and also very impressionable.

Do you know anything about suicide? Especially teenage suicide? Or self harmers? It's got nothing to do with whether the girl's safety is at risk, but to what extent she is being exposed to this. Have you ever had a conversation with a self harmer about what goes on in their head? Or with someone who is going through a suicidal patch? If you had then you'll know that they will often talk about quite graphic situations and thought processes. Especially to boyfriends/girlfrends. It is not something that a 12 year old should be exposed to or expected to shoulder - especially without the knowledge of their parents.

She is 12. She's not even a teenager yet. If she was 16, I'd still be concerned but she would certainly be better equipped to deal with what was going one.

As I said earlier, (but I'll state it again for clarification as there is a risk that the point being made could be lost amongst irrelvent comments) - if there is any chance that the relationship with the girlfriend is becoming more than just casual - if she is havng prolonged personal contact with someone in this state of mind, then the OP as an involved parent has a duty of care towards to girl. To not involve the parents of the child concerned is negligent.

DVardysShadow

mrcow wrote: »

And I think you have no idea what you are talking about. What do you mean by "treat"?Do you know anything about 12 year old girls at all? They are often secretive and also very impressionable.

Do you know anything about suicide? Especially teenage suicide? Or self harmers? It's got nothing to do with whether the girl's safety is at risk, but to what extent she is being exposed to this. Have you ever had a conversation with a self harmer about what goes on in their head? Or with someone who is going through a suicidal patch? If you had then you'll know that they will often talk about quite graphic situations and thought processes. Especially to boyfriends/girlfrends. It is not something that a 12 year old should be exposed to or expected to shoulder - especially without the knowledge of their parents.

She is 12. She's not even a teenager yet. If she was 16, I'd still be concerned but she would certainly be better equipped to deal with what was going one.

As I said earlier, (but I'll state it again for clarification as there is a risk that the point being made could be lost amongst irrelvent comments) - if there is any chance that the relationship with the girlfriend is becoming more than just casual - if she is havng prolonged personal contact with someone in this state of mind, then the OP as an involved parent has a duty of care towards to girl. To not involve the parents of the child concerned is negligent.

I have no doubt stef is dealing with it appropriately. Yours is by no means the only appropriate way, and as I have already indicated, it carries risks of its own.

Kay_Peel

mrcow wrote: »

As I said earlier, (but I'll state it again for clarification as there is a risk that the point being made could be lost amongst irrelvent comments) - if there is any chance that the relationship with the girlfriend is becoming more than just casual - if she is havng prolonged personal contact with someone in this state of mind, then the OP as an involved parent has a duty of care towards to girl. To not involve the parents of the child concerned is negligent.

Are you saying that the OP's son should have no close friends - and especially not ones that he can talk to?

Would you say that the OP has a 'duty of care' to ALL her son's best friends?

Should he go around with a warning badge, in case people like him and want to befriend him?

Good friendships are very important to self-harmers and the suicidal. They are necessary for building confidence, self esteem and social skills. Sometimes they prove to be a lifeline. There would have to be a very good reason indeed to humiliate them both and stop any meaningful contact.

mrcow

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Are you saying that the OP's son should have no close friends - and especially not ones that he can talk to?

Would you say that the OP has a 'duty of care' to ALL her son's best friends?

Should he go around with a warning badge, in case people like him and want to befriend him?

Good friendships are very important to self-harmers and the suicidal. They are necessary for building confidence, self esteem and social skills. Sometimes they prove to be a lifeline. There would have to be a very good reason indeed to humiliate them both and stop any meaningful contact.

To answer your question - no - that is not what I said at all. All my posts are still in tact if you care to go back and read them and what I actually said.


And yes - the OP has a duty of care to any children who are entrusted in her supervision or to any other vunerable people who may be affected by what is going on in her household. Why would you think that she doesn't?

Kay_Peel

I think we can safely disregard your contribution.

Your post is scare-mongering and insensitive. You appear to think that the OP's son is a monster and that his friends need to be protected from him. You have invented a legal obligation (a little knowledge is a dangerous and misleading thing). The unfortunate OP has enough on her plate without you making things up and adding to her burden.

DVardysShadow

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I think we can safely disregard your contribution.

Your post is scare-mongering and insensitive. You appear to think that the OP's son is a monster and that his friends need to be protected from him. You have invented a legal obligation (a little knowledge is a dangerous and misleading thing). The unfortunate OP has enough on her plate without you making things up and adding to her burden.

The words overcome by hysteria come to mind.