How to deal with a child who has mental health issues.

elfen

Ok, this is going to be hard:
1) GP; for you and for him. For you, to give you an outlet to talk about the worry so it's not affecting your relationship with your son. For him, to help him see someone (you can ask for a male - I have mainly female support) to let him know there IS a safe outlet where he can start to talk and go over what has happened. It may take time, but you have that on your side.
2) You need to stop hacking into his personal things. Don't look at his Facebook, any of the sites he uses etc etc. This, for people with MH and SH issues, is a clear breach of trust, and he is less likely to seek help on his own if he thinks he is being watched by his own family. He needs his space to get things out or he never will, and things could get worse.
3) Let him know the stealing cannot continue....perhaps ask why he does it? Is he scared you'll not feed him, or is it so he can get away if needs be? If he won't answer you, maybe he will answer someone outside the family.
4) The being watched - this is a sign of paranoia. You NEED to get your GP involved NOW - you can ask for an URGENT referral based on the SH, the behaviour and the paranoia. Please please do not stop until you get him someone to talk to about his problems.
5) Don't force talking to him about his dad - it is obvious this is a catalyst and that is a very troubled young man. I can only reiterate letting him know you are there - even if he just wants a hug, or someone to sit with. Pay no attention to the ticks, they will get less but right now they are a sign of some severe stress your young man is feeling.

How do I know? I suffer from more than one mental health problem, and see myself as a recovering self-harmer. I'll never be 100%, it's a battle to stop it everyday. Can I give you one more thing? https://www.nshn.co.uk - if you could give this to your son too. It's the link to the National Self Harm Network, and on there is a link to the forum, which both you and your son can use in times of stress, or to talk it over (for you) with other parents, (for him) with other sufferers. It's a safe place I still use if I'm having trouble - but again, I'll reiterate - do not ask for his password/username or hack into it. When he is ready, he will tell you, and for now, this could be a place he needs to help him.

stef240377

Thank you for your post, i have been on his fb account as he was suffering cyber bullying from the boy who attacked him so its better to act on that than to ignore it. School emails are monitored so they check all pupils emails where as facebook is supposedly banned but the kids all know how to get round it - something i have already raised with the school.

I appreciate all the help and support given through this post and will update after the apptnt. I have asked hubby to sit with him in the waiting room while i give the dr the run down on events because i know he will get verbally agressive and defensive other wise, atleast this way the dr can then ask to see him without us in the room if necessary and then offer whatever advise is forthcoming.

stef240377

Have just got back from the doctors. Went in to see him on my own leaving my son with husband in waiting room. Explained situation to him and he said he would not see my son incase it caused more distress to him and has sent a fax to CAHMS as i left for emergency apptnmnt and int he mean time if he attempts to do anything i am to ring 999. Am slightly more at ease now as i know the wheels are in motion. CAHMS will contact me in the morning. Hopefully now i can attempt to get some sleep tonight.

floss2

Sounds like you have a very understanding GP. Sleep well, don't forget to try & look after your own health as well as your son's.

stef240377

Thanks Floss, although if need be to make sure he doesnt do anything daft i will stay awake tonight and catch up on kip while he is at school. He was abit aghast to hear i had a drs apptmnt for him then he didnt go into see the dr. He was very worried on the way there and ticks were quite strong. Have broken down to him what the dr says so it does not sound so scary and he just shrugged his shoulder. Only other thing i have said to him about last night is he must have been tired to sleep for nearly 12 hours and got a 'yeah'. So he has now had his tea and gone back to his room, am now going to leave him to do his xbox, ipod or whatever and wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks everyone.

Errata

stef240377 wrote: »

Have apptmnt with GP at 6pm, school nurse is sorting out the school side of things for me so i was just wandering in the mean time if there are any other organisations out there i could touch base with in the child sector. Alot of the ones i have seen on the net are either for a child to contact and request support or the other end of the scale for adults with mental health probs, there does not seem to be a neutral ground for parents to contact anyone for help.

Stef - these people will be happy to talk to you and are very supportive of children and young people with mental health problems, and their parents
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/parents/parents

Good to hear you had a very productive consultaion with the GP. Best wishes

stef240377

Thanks for the link only my pc wont let me open it as malware protection goes mental. Will try and access it directly.

elfen

stef, the site I gave you caters for everyone, be you sufferer or parent/carer. It's a friendly bunch and no-one judges there, not on age or sex or whatever the hell people can judge on.
there's also these sites: http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
http://www.selfharm.net/

that may help you with the other side, the why of him hurting.

kazzieg

Just like to say that I hope things get better for you!

Sitting here with tears in my eyes when you typed about the bullying.

My son is 14 and having problems too, been bullied for over 3 years in secondary school, hit ,punched even had a knife held to his throat in a lesson.

One day he retaliated and got caught by the teacher, been referred to the unit in the school that helps kids with problems and now they think he is suffering from a form of autism called ASD. Been waiting for an appointment for CAHMS since July 09, just been told he is at the top of the list and should be seen soon.

He does things like your son but on a smaller scale, the twitching, hand movements, fidgetting and sniffing. He has gone from a child in primary who loved after school clubs and with plenty of friends to someone who goes straight to his room after school plays the xbox, comes down for meals.
He never goes out to play with anyone, no-one ever calls for him and he doesn't talk about anyone from school.

Like I said before I hope everything gets better and I will be follwing this thread. x Hugs to you and your son.

Errata

stef240377 wrote: »

Thanks for the link only my pc wont let me open it as malware protection goes mental. Will try and access it directly.

Could you try entering www.youngminds.org.uk in your browser window? The website is clean and shouldn't flag up as an iffy one on a firewall/virus checker/malware app.

If you can't access it, here's the freephone number
Worried about a young person?

YoungMinds provides a telephone helpline service to parents with a concern about their child's emotional problems or behaviour. If you're a worried parent, call us at the YoungMinds Parents Helpline on 0808 802 5544. Our opening hours are 9.30am-4pm Monday to Friday . Calls from landlines and mobiles are free.