How to deal with a child who has mental health issues.

stef240377

Thanks Kazzie, it helps in a way to know i am not the only one going through this type of thing and hopefully from posting this it may not only help myself/son but others too in this situation and by links provided by the good souls on here more help and support can be made accessable in the wider community.

My son does have a couple of friends he hangs around with out side of school but i try to monitor the contact he has with the one lad as he is a spoilt little rich kid who can do no wrong, the lad was smoking last year in school but tried to blame my son for it, being a non smoker would smell the slightest bit on him any way but my husband sorted it out with the school and the other lads parents by demanding to see the cctv of the high school field and predominantly the 'smoking corner'. Husband knew all the lay out of the school and where the cameras covered as he was a grounds maintenance worker before being retired on the grounds of ill health. My son seems to have an unhealthy relationship with this boy, he doesnt think the lad is every wrong and everything that comes from his mouth is the truth. It is almost like he idolises him and yet other than wealthy parents this lad has nothing different to my son.

kazzieg

Just to say too, that you are both doing a great job in supporting him, i'm sure somebody out there will help all of you.

DVardysShadow

What comes across to me is that he is afraid of something, very afraid. And also, he probably does not know exactly what. The imagined camera might be a clue - or it might be so far from the issue that you will never work it out. But I think it is related. Whatever it is, the beatings he received seem to have fulfilled those fears and given them new life. And the lies are to protect himself. The non engagement with the female form is also pointing at something.

I think you are on a long haul here, firstly just to understand what the issue is. That is ambition enough for the moment. Are you able to get away with him for a week or 2? Is there any difference in him? Would a complete change of scenery to a new locality make a difference for him? It would be a big thing, no idea how, but you might want to think whether his fears are rooted in his present environment. Probably to early to think much along those lines - you need to understand the problem first.

stef240377

When he had the main 6 weeks holiday it was like 'my son' had been returned, he was sociable, not so restricted to his bed room etc. We paid for him to go on the do it for real camp last year so he had a break from us and again it was like a new lease of life in him. I have mentioned this change to all involved with him and all they say is that school is too much stress for him, the work is too hard hence him needing xtra support in english, typing skills??? and maths.

DVardysShadow

stef240377 wrote: »

When he had the main 6 weeks holiday it was like 'my son' had been returned, he was sociable, not so restricted to his bed room etc. We paid for him to go on the do it for real camp last year so he had a break from us and again it was like a new lease of life in him. I have mentioned this change to all involved with him and all they say is that school is too much stress for him, the work is too hard hence him needing xtra support in english, typing skills??? and maths.

Oh that is good, to know that there are circumstances in which you have him in his normal self. I would say if he can manage facebook, he probably does not have too many fundamental learning problems - I would say it is more a reaction to his fears.

Now I don't think this is a cure all and it is a big thing which may not be possible, but do you have any scope to move to a different locality? Just a thought and not one to rush at - but if you find there are some aspects of the locality which are causing his issue - which won't be duplicated elsewhere, it could make a difference. I know, it may not be practical, it may cause you more problems than it solves.

Needhelpsaving

Hi,

I hope that our ideas are of some help. I found a telephone number that I was given when I came out of hospital at xmas, its for something called PALS (NHS run) - 0800 953 0045. There are trained mental health staff at the other end and they are open 24 hrs.

To be honest, it's really hard to open up and the crying is a sign of this (I tended to cry uncontrollably).

Good call seeing your GP, some of them have gateway workers who work within the mental health service.

I really hope things get better, but it can take time x

stef240377

I moved here four years ago as we had a lot of grief at the other house plus it being too close to his bio dad, one lad in the street had an asbo and would go out armed with a bb gun shooting at anyone and anything. He settled here quite well, enjoyed the idea of having a house instead of a masionette, We got pets as we wouldnt risk it before and allowed him to have a say in what senior school he moved up to. All seemed well and good till the bullying and the attacks. He has repressed further and further and like i say as soon as school is out for the hols we get some normality back.

I have been on to the school numerous times to see if there is a bullying issue present - possibly someone who has a grudge against my son for the other lad getting shifted to another school but nope all comes back as a blank. All the teachers/heads of dept/heads of year/ pastoral support etc all come back saying he is extremely popular, large circle of friends and all that and i should have nothing to worry about and i end up feeling like a neurotic parent who dreams up situations.

Now the gp has got the referal in place pending on a phone call i do have to notify the school nurse tomorrow so maybe more will come from this in time... just really dont know.

System

I am really sorry i can;t offer any useful advice but hope you can follow other'd adive and get your son the help he needs. you're in my thoughts xx

mrcow

Hi Stef,

After reading your opening post, one thing really screamed out at me (but I may have the wrong end of the stick - so correct if need be). Your son is 15, is currently going through spate of self harm and a suicide attmpts etc. He's stealing, he is agressive and you are having major problems with him......and then in the background, there is a 12 year old grl involved who he is pressuring for sex.

Do you really think it's fair to expose a 12 year old child to all of this? For her to have a boyfriend who is that unstable that he tries to hang himself?

It's not acceptable for him to be in any sort of close and personal contact with someone like this until he gets himself sorted out. Do her parents know about him and what he's been doing?......they need to know.

I know you have "had a word" but this is in no way sufficient.

Errata

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

Hi,

I hope that our ideas are of some help. I found a telephone number that I was given when I came out of hospital at xmas, its for something called PALS (NHS run) - 0800 953 0045. There are trained mental health staff at the other end and they are open 24 hrs.

To be honest, it's really hard to open up and the crying is a sign of this (I tended to cry uncontrollably).

Good call seeing your GP, some of them have gateway workers who work within the mental health service.

I really hope things get better, but it can take time x

This is the phone number for the Birmingham NHS Mental Health Trust PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service). All health trusts have their own PALS service, with a different phone number, are usually open during office hours and staffed by non-clinical workers. HTH