Settling for Mr Second best.

dieselhead

000000000000000000000000000000000000

BitterAndTwisted

Maybe Mr Good Enough is Mr Right, it's just that he's not (and possibly never could be) Mr Perfect. Mr Second Best is another kettle of fish altogether: I'd rather stay Ms Old Maid than marry him

lostinrates

The man I married is nothing like my imagined Mr Perfect. so much so I really wasn't that interested when we first met. He won me round, and pretty quickly...but I'm SO glad I didn't let my checklist get in the way. DH might not have been Mr Imagined-Perfect but he has turned out to be Mr Right, or even Mr Better than I could have a imagined.

as a matter of interest, women holding out...do they have high self esteem and think they are too good for the men they meet, or do they not think well of themselves, and see compromise as ''another failure''?

I agree with Bitter and Twisted, better by far to be single than with Mr Second best...but so often Mr Right is actually Mr Second Best...just in very good packaging.

Alikay

DH and I read a very similar article at the weekend in the Guardian (puts the philosophy more positively I think) http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/24/women-stop-looking-mr-right

Well I was realistic enough to know I wasn't perfect so I didn't expect or want it in my OH.....who'd want to overlook my flaws unless they had a few of their own in need of some ignoring too? It didn't bother me that DH was 3 years younger and just a squaddie who was a bit rough round the edges, I just loved him: He was kind, funny, intelligent and I fancied him...he loved me too..so what else mattered?

After 23 years of marriage, 3 kids, 7 years of him attending uni p/t and 4 house moves he'd be now be (excluding kids and wife!) what some of those women would aspire to marry - good job, high income, educated, confident and charming in all sorts of company. Maybe some of us who appear to "settle" for someone are just smart enough to snap up someone with decent raw ingredients and nurture them ourselves :rotfl:

By the way I don't think kindness, sense of humour and intelligence can be trained....if they're not present at 20 they're never going to be!:D

vixarooni

The grass is never greener i always find!

I think women suffer from Mr darcy syndrome. Often the right man is straight infront of them but theyre too busy searching for mr darcy to realise it.

I however have found mr darcy and im deciding to stick and not twist. Even if he will be the only man ive ever slept with, but then im sure my vagina will cope with that.

briona

I sincerely hope that I would NEVER see any boyfriend/husband of mine as being "Mr Good Enough". That instantly suggests that he's not what I really want, and that if "Mr Even Better" came along, I'd be off in a shot! For me, a husband wouldn't have to be perfect – in fact I'd rather he wasn't or he'd show me up quite quickly! – but he would have to be Mr Right.

Right now, I'm happy being single – despite being over 30 (shock horror!) – and I definitely don't want a relationship with "Mr Good Enough" or "Mr OK For Now" just for the sake of it.

I think the author of that book is clearly desperate to get married and is trying to justify her feelings by suggesting that ALL women over "a certain age" should be feeling the same.

ManOnTheMoon

I never married either of the mothers of my girls, just because something was nagging me and I was proven right.

I'm now with a young lady who is far more worth thinking about marrying, not that I have any intentions yet, it's too early.

I don't agree with settling for Miss/Mr Good Enough, as what happens when you meet Miss/Mr Right? Upheaval? Upset for anyone involved? Maybe when I am 60, if in that situation, i'd settle for companionship, but not whilst i'm reasonably young and spritely!

There is no such thing as perfect, although if there was, i'd be near the top of the list (joke!)

Snippa

I don't believe in a Mr or Mrs Right. I think all relationships are hard, and need worked at, and the ones that seem great to start with may fade, while those that grow from really good friendships can last forever. I also don't believe in perfect marriages, or fairy-tale romance.

But that said, I'm still looking for the perfect, fairy-tale guy to walk into my life. Untl then I'm happy being single.

Are those two paragraphs a contradition?

Ilovecubbage

This made me lough, there is not a Mr right or mrs. for that fact. It is the silly fairy stories we`ve been fed by our parents. Wouldn`t that be fabulous if I had the Mr. right! I am sure it would be boring!
I have an excelent hubby., but not very adventures. But I am sure he would do anything in his little power to keep me happy.
No perfect world here!

carlsberggal

You can't define a person as mister or mrs good ennough IMO. They either 'do' something to you or not. You can't conjure up feelings from no where.
The grass is never greener like another person said in this post
You KNOW when the 'right' one comes along. I spent many years with the 'good ennough person' 20 odd in fact. Have 3 lovely kids as a result and a very good mate to boot. I met my DH 4 years ago, wasn't looking for nobody in the slighest, very happy by myself and my kids, then whooosh these feelings come over you. We have just celebrated our 1st anniversary and it's still wonderful. You have to work at a relationship to make it last IMO as with everything. Take everything for granted and don't try and you'll be on the road to no where. People have to learn to be happy with themselves before they are happy with others warts and all

withabix

You women think you're the ones who pick the wrong partner. It does work the other way too you know!! After all, some of you are awful!!!

My first wife turned out to be Mrs Youmadeanawfulmistakeherebetterlucknexttimematey.

Fortunately I'm now married to Mrs WhydidntImeetyoufourteenyearsago!