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Please help - about to tell my daughter about her father
Comments
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I've been following this thread and just want to say well done for telling your daughter.
I know that it must have taken a lot of courage to tell her. Now you can only move forwards and be prepared for lots of questions over coming days and weeks. It will take a while for it all to sink in.
Wishing you and your daughter all the luck in the world.0 -
Maybe if you make clear you didn't want her to spend her childhood wondering why the sperm donor didn't love her or want her when she had a lovely loving daddy who was with her when she was ill and helped her learn to ride a bike and came to parents evenings and christmas plays she will understand.
She will most likely want to see him just to make up her own mind whether he is a total tool or not.. this doesn't take long in most cases. She hasn't lost a daddy, she has gained a grandma and cousins and sisters (toguh she might never meet them) and uncles and aunts.. that is a pretty special gift.. being loved by people you don't remember meeting, knowing they spent all this time looking out for her.
What would really help I think is if her dad would behave the same as he always has with her and also talk to her about how he feels towards her and maintains that relationship. He can't be all bad to have wanted her for his own.
Good luck, buut I'm sure you don't need it and everything will work out perfectly nicely.LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14Hope to be debt free until the day I dieMortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)0 -
So...what is a good age?
I found out that my older sister and 2 brothers weren't my older sister and 2 brothers when I was around 8 and that they were from dad's previous marriage
Someone in my class told me on the way home from school:eek:
It was never, and has never been discussed within my family
My parents both died around 5 years ago and it was never discussed but generally "known"
I have a bit of a bombshell about sperm donation to drop on mine (currently 3 and 7)
Is there such a thing as a good age, good time?
DH doesn't want to tell them at all, but they will find out and I don't want them to hate us for not having told them
DH found out something similar about his brother at his mums funeral
Families, too many secrets...
So glad you're out in the open Rockfan, far healthier - well done
UDTotal debt at 01/01/2010 £34,262 (Excludes mega mortgage) Daily interest £12.42
02/10 Now £3.12 due to repayments, BT and :money:
Olympic challenge £5081/£28,000 (18.15%)
Aim to lose 35 lbs from 01/01/2010 to 30/06/10 9.5/35
1 debt in 100 days £2886/£38390 -
Just a quick update. We are going to talk about the details and implications tonight but she is handling this very well so far. I will not conceal anything from her and let her take in everything at her own pace, I know her other relatives would love to forge a relationship with her over time but that's for her to decide if she wants that. I think she will once it's sunk in as she is a very bright and bubbly girl who makes friends incredibly easily. I feel so relieved but think tonight will be just as hard. I've thought about all the comments and advice I've had on here and they have really helped.
Thank you all so much, I'll let you know what happens over the next few days xxxx it's really meant a lot to me to be able to share this and hear from different propectives xx0 -
Hi rockfan didn't have anything to say when you first posted but well done for telling her. You must feel so much better within yourself now that the secret you have been carrying around with you is out in the open.
There may be some hard times ahead of you, but the biggest step has been made.
All the very best, will be thinking of you xx"That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad."0 -
Rockfan, so glad you have told her. Now you can move forward with your lives with no skeletons waiting to jump out. Best wishes.0
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Well done and good luck, it must have been really hard and now she knows the truth it will be easier for everyone. What about asking her grandparents to write a letter introducing themselves? they could add photos and memories of her and them and any time they spent together when she was little.0
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Really glad your daughter has taken the news well Rockfan.
In a way, your post had has made me feel better about my own decision... My daughter is 6 in a few weeks and the guy that got me pregnant the first time left before I had the first scan... I was on my own with her for 3 years and for the first couple of years she had a real Daddy fixation, all men were called Daddy and she just desperately wanted one of her own... The christmas before she was 3 the guy's mother got in touch with me and asked to see her which I allowed and then he randomly turned up on the christmas eve with some presents for her... He saw her again a handfull of times in between christmas and her 3rd birthday and then disapeared again and his parents stopped contact too, she was devestated at the time...
A couple of months later I got together with a friend of mine and 12 months later we were married... My daughter calls my husband Daddy, as far as she is concerned he is just as much her Daddy as her baby sister, but occasionally she mentions her 'other' Daddy (and older brother who she has never met) I made a resolve to never hush the situation up and although I don't encourage her to talk about them, I'd never discourage her either... I know sometimes my husband isn't happy about it, but at the end of the day I really don't know how I would handle the situation if it were closer to your own...
I really wish you well and I hope your daughter can forge a relationship with her paternal grandmother and siblings without cost to your own...A very proud Mummy to 3 beautiful girls... I do pity my husband though, he's the one to suffer the hormones...My Fathers Daughter wrote: »Krystal is so smart and funny and wonderful I am struck dumb in awe in her presence.
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Rockfan - if her first reaction was to hug you and say she loves you and that she does understand that you were trying to protect her, then she will forgive you, I'm absolutely certain.
Mmmmm - I do so love a happy ending! :j0 -
Tell her gently, tell her truthfully, and make sure she underdstands that a 'dad' is the one that nutures, loves and cares for a child over the years - and not a mere 'sperm donor' who has never had any involvement.
It may be a shock, But I'm sure she'll come round.
LinYou can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset.0
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