Why so mean?

BeenieCat

Personally i would find it snoozetastic to read niceties all the time. I love the forums because of the differing opinions. I even enjoy the troll type threads, they make far more entertaining reading.

What i find more annoying is a when few people who know each other hijack a thread with some inside joke that makes no sense to anyone else reading. I think that would be called cliqueyness if that was a word, but then it's to be expected i spose.

pitkin2020

~_SKY_~ wrote: »

i totally agree! too many people on here and elsewhere just dont think before they open the mouth - move the fingers in this case.

there is no need to be horrible or reply to a thread just to make the one who started it or anyone feel bad/upset. it just shows how little they are.

i've seen some really horrid threads on here in the past week, one of which is gone now, i forget the name of the OP but she came on upset and venting as is the name of this section, had just lost someone in her close family and wasnt thinking straight, there were a lot that were really horrible to her for no good reason. attacking is the word and being generally nasty. and in other threads as well. if i'd have been registered then i would have commented!

i say if you have nothing good to say or anything good to add to a thread esp when its a sore subject then just zip it basically.

no one is better than anyone else - no one.

If I am thinking of the same thread the OP was venting about a prospective job for her other half but things had not gone the way they were expected in the way in which the interviews were conducted. Basically people told her to stop throwing her toys out the pram. I didn't post on it but read it and I think people were just giving her sound advice, maybe in a very blunt way, but if you come across as a spoilt child I think people will reply in the same manner. A 2nd thread was then started in the vent area when she didn't like the answers she had received on her first thread.

~_SKY_~

Yes but she said later on and tried to make light of the thread that she wasnt making that the main issue - the thing behind it was losing her neice i think, and people still kept having a go, if i was attacked in that way i would have done worse than what she did believe me. I can - as she said - take everyones opinion BUT once you've made it then let that be it, no need to keep on battering someone with your opinions. No one knows what is going on in someones life, thats why i dont judge people - as no one can without knowing all the facts - and you're never going to know that off a forum. I just thought it was cruel. Say it and move on.

Everyone just seemed to ignore the life ending pain she had just gone through and was having fun getting their dig in - not what i call a good person to be honest. And i've seen it in other threads as well. And i know the names of the people best to be avoided as i don't want or need that kind of negativity in my life.

Yes i think you can say what you want, but there's no need to be hurtful with it, you can say you think someone should calm down and take some time to think about the bigger picture and everything, no need to go on someones thread saying they're an idiot and should be locked up and that you pitty the one they're with, that is not on in my eyes! But then again i do have high morals with my behaviour towards other people, some on here and other forums don't sadly.

pitkin2020

~_SKY_~ wrote: »

Yes but she said later on and tried to make light of the thread that she wasnt making that the main issue - the thing behind it was losing her neice i think, and people still kept having a go, if i was attacked in that way i would have done worse than what she did believe me. I can - as she said - take everyones opinion BUT once you've made it then let that be it, no need to keep on battering someone with your opinions. No one knows what is going on in someones life, thats why i dont judge people - as no one can without knowing all the facts - and you're never going to know that off a forum. I just thought it was cruel. Say it and move on.

Everyone just seemed to ignore the life ending pain she had just gone through and was having fun getting their dig in - not what i call a good person to be honest. And i've seen it in other threads as well. And i know the names of the people best to be avoided as i don't want or need that kind of negativity in my life.

Yes i think you can say what you want, but there's no need to be hurtful with it, you can say you think someone should calm down and take some time to think about the bigger picture and everything, no need to go on someones thread saying they're an idiot and should be locked up and that you pitty the one they're with, that is not on in my eyes! But then again i do have high morals with my behaviour towards other people, some on here and other forums don't sadly.

I don't disagree with anything you said there, the problem is the OP sets the tone, if you come on posting about how the world is out to get you your going to be told to stop being so dramatic etc etc.
The OP on that thread didn't do herself any favours by replacing everything with blahblahblah, if anything it jsut made her look even more childish. I was aware she had lost her niece and yes it is a sad time, but really that is of no one elses concern and didn't even need to be mentioned.

The_One_Who

Threads that come across as the OP wanting something for nothing, thinking the entire world is against them, or refuse to take personal responsibility usually get people's backs up. That's understandable. Other times the advice is coming across as 'harsh' when really it is something that needs to be said.

d-seven

Nurseyjo wrote: »

I have noticed exactly the same thing. People have already admitted their failings in their postings, but then are looking for a way to help themselves out of their situation. I cant believe the responses some give. Posters have already realised their problem - please dont rub it in! It is a shame that these boards are not mediated as then people may think twice before being so critical.

I suppose one could argue that they are entitled to their own opinion, but not at the expense of being critical of others. There are ways of putting things across. I put on a thread asking for advice and got a real bashing from a couple of people and it took around 4 responses before anyone said anything constructive.

Like you say, there are a lot of nice and caring people on here offering good advice, sympathy etc. Just remember that the 'trolls', or however people refer to them, are in the minority - and as the saying goes, often - the minority spoil it for the majority.

Thats just forums in general as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't worry too much about it really.
Nearly all of the UK forums I've used in the past 10 years (I only tend to use ones that are relavent to the UK, so I can't speak for the ones elsewhere.) are pretty much the same.
From personal experience, on most forums there are people who seem to think they have to be 'blunt' and 'abrupt' when the reply to other posts. Maybe they think this makes them look knowledgable or authoritative. I don't know. This forum to me is one of the better ones and it would be a shame to see it degenerate into flaming and trolling that I've seen on other forums, especially as how useful this forum is to people with money issues.

Anyway, to lighten things up, why not see if you can spot anyone you know here:
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/index.htm

It's the Flame Warriors website. An artist came up with various types of people that populate forums and put some amusing artwork and descriptions to them.
Enjoy!

~_SKY_~

all i was trying to say is that at times like that people's emotions are all over the place, and we dont know what else is going on in her life, so no can say she's mad or stupid, i mean come on, i've seen people put ten times more 'emotional stupid' threads up on this forum for -much- less, 'my bins havent been emptied' - 'deliveries late, supermarkets, neighbours, work' i could go on and on.

A death i think out ways all that and puts your emotions all out of place, and she did come back on and say its over and that wasnt the main reason, and had a joke with someone i believe, but she got attacked again, i would have done what she did just took off all my posts to be honest if i was getting that much nastiness towards me. No need for it.
Now let's not start it again lol!

Norant

The one good thing about this board,and the thing that makes me keep coming back to it is that you will get a range of opinions from a range of different people.

Sure enough you will get an element of people who will wallow in your pain,however there are far many more people out there that will give you good sound advice.There are others who will just take the P**s

You choose who you listen to,and you choose who you ignore that the great thing about MSE so ignore the posters who are giving you bad advice and just go with the flow.

But remember some people may give you advice that you think is bad,but may just turn out to be the best bit of advice that you have been given throughout the whole thread.

You choose.

Maria81

I guess the one that you are talking about is me. Thank you for all your views and i actually do agree with them too.

The only reason i mentioned i lost my neice a few days before i put that thread up was to make the point - the thread wasnt mainly about what i posted - my posted point was annoying but nothing to get that worked up over. It was a mix of everything that made me so over emotional, and i didn't need people having a go.

I do agree that anyone that posts on a public forum has to expect people giving their opinions, that is so fine, but once you've made it move on don't keep going at it. You might get someone someday that isnt as strong as i am.

I do agree with the fact no one can judge anyone else, as you have never walked in their shoes, you don't know their life and what's going on.

~_SKY_~

sorry maria . just forgot your name and everything, did not mean to single you out, was just making a point for this thread. there are lots' more threads i can comment about to i can assure you.

I think your post is spot on though and you are right really. I did notice that you did try and lighten the mood on that other thread and was joking as i said above but once attacked i get defensive to, wouldn't anyone.

so sorry to hear about your neice hope everything went ok with the funeral and you are feeling ok now.