Wedding list: They have asked for money

talulahbeige_2

I'm amazed at how all the comments about no children come across as people just assuming its about hating kids, in my case it's certainly not.

My wedding is a definatley no children event because if we invited children the current count would be 31 under 8's! The number of adults invited is 68 so that adds around 45% more guests! We certainly can't afford the extra £1k it would cost to invite the children.
So what would be our options? Cut down the adult guest list so that less kids were invited, we'd have about 25 people there then.
Pick and choose which adults to invite so we still hit our budget?, how do you explain to one freind in a group that they arent invited but xx form the same group of freinds is!

We had to make the decision that no children were invited. There was one exception, my niece, we have left it to her parents to decide if they would bring her (they have decided to leave her with grandparents) and they were aware no other children would be there.
If people choose not to attend because there children aren't invited then that's their choice and i will accept it, most people seem more than happy to have a night away from the kids tho.

We have made it perfectly clear for the past 18mths that no children would be invited so I would hope none will turn up but if they do I will be asking the parents to explain to the other guests why they are there (ie they ignored my polite requests not to bring children). I dont see why myself and OH should look like the bad guys who let xx bring their children when xy was told they couldn't.

euronorris

My sister adopted a 'no child' stance with her wedding, for the same reasons as talulahbeige. The wedding is already expensive enough, so, savings have to be made where possible.

And I think the money thing is pretty standard these days. Again, my sister and her hubby asked for US dollars (they went to US for honeymoon), as they'd already been living together for a couple of years. They didn't need any of the traditional stuff, but, they did need spending money for the honeymoon. They didn't word it as rudely as the OP's friend though. It was more of a 'suggestion', so, if you weren't comfortable with it, you could always buy a gift instead. My brother and his wife did the same also.

I think people forget how difficult it is to try and keep so many people happy. Inevitably, they will upset someone, no matter what they do. But, the OP's friend certainly should've worded the invite very differently!

ginvzt

Ok, I had no time to read all of the replies yet, but wanted to add my thoughts as well.

It is incredibly rude in my opinion what they wrote. I don't mind the bit about money. We had a honeymoon organised and made into 'wedding list', but we also had a traditional wedding list with Debenhams, for those who were not comfortable with the honeymoon. However, only a few people used Debenhams and most paid for our honeymoon some amount.

The children rule I disagree a lot. Wedding is a celebration of the beginning of new family, in my opinion. It is a family celebration. Therefore, all children should be welcomed there. We had our wedding with children, only a few - I would have loved to have more around. I would have never even though to say no children! I can't believe how rude the invitation sounds! And I don't have children. I know they can be disruptive, but they are children, and one day, the 'new family' will probably have children of their own. How would they feel then?

Honestly, I would be offended and would not attend the wedding. I would make a gift, probably. But I would be looking completely different at those 'friends' from now on.

mountainofdebt

cathy2702 wrote: »

This couple is not advertising requesting people to pay for a flash holiday. They are getting married and promising their lives to each other in front of their family and friends.

They have a home, fully furnished and don't need anything further for that home. Maybe they've never had a holiday? Maybe they're planning a baby? Maybe this is the only opportunity to have a holiday? Maybe they can't afford a honeymoon?

I think it would be more selfish and really wasteful to accept gifts from people, replacing like for like, just because their wedding guests deemed them rude for requesting donations to their honeymoon instead.

How moneysaving :rolleyes:

Sorry but I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one........

and I speak as someone who had her honeymoon 4 years after she got married :rotfl::rotfl:

I agree that it would be wasteful to buy something that they don't need / want but at the end of the day a honeymoon is nothing more than a holiday and you or I wouldn't expect others to pay for our holiday now woul we?

(weirdly enough I have no issue with giving money - but if the happy couple chose to do nothing more than buy a holiday with it then that would be their choice !)

red_devil

elastigirl wrote: »

We have been invited to a wedding and i was a little surprised at how they worded some of it,
I don't have a problem with their wishes but it's how they have said it, Maybe it is just me but i have found it a bit rude.

They have a no children rule this is fine as we only take our son to them if they are family weddings and this is a friends. But they wrote on the invite

''Over the last few years it was your choice and decision to go off and have lots of children but it wasn't ours however it is our choice and decision not to have them at our wedding, so leave them with the grandparents.

The gift list inclosed was a card that said no actual gifts as we have everything we need. please give us money to pay for the honeymoon.
Then there is details of a company where we either send a cheque or ring and give our credit/debit card details so that the money directly pays off the honeymoon.

I am a little un easy about giving money as i guess it isn't the normal thing to do and we aren't used to it. I would feel cheap giving them £20-£30 in cash wheres a gift can look alot more. i don't know how much to give as they are really only a work friend, i would prefer to give a gift really.

it comes across as rude by them a large pack of toilet rolls!

FairyShazza

Personally I think the way they have worded the no children is down right rude! Fair enough if you don’t wish to have children at your wedding but I do believe that they could’ve made their wishes clear without coming across so rudely.

It isn’t uncommon for people to ask for cash presents these days however I do think some people could learn some manners in how they ask for them. We suggested vouchers for stores like Argos so we could purchase items for our new house (when we eventually get it) but some people gave us cash – this was used on our honeymoon to do activities such as swimming with stingrays and sharks. Afterwards the people who donated cash were told what we had used it for.

Personally if this invite is just from a work colleague I’d decline the invite and then spend the £20 on a nice activity for you and your family. Yes it was your choice to have kids and therefore it is your choice not to attend the wedding of such rude wotsits and spend time with your family instead

Maybe one day they will receive such a porly worded invite when they do have children and realise how they must've came accross to their guests.

red_devil

good post! Why should you bother whether you go to a work friends wedding anyway at the end of the day its their day does it matter whether you go or not!

As long as they are there;)

talulahbeige_2

ginvzt wrote: »

The children rule I disagree a lot. Wedding is a celebration of the beginning of new family, in my opinion. It is a family celebration. Therefore, all children should be welcomed there. We had our wedding with children, only a few - I would have loved to have more around. I would have never even though to say no children! I can't believe how rude the invitation sounds! And I don't have children. I know they can be disruptive, but they are children, and one day, the 'new family' will probably have children of their own. How would they feel then?

How do you stand on the children belonging to freinds, not family. Only 1 child at my wedding out of the 31 (if they were invited) is family, the rest are freinds children.

I'd enjoy the night away from the kids knowing that they were in safe hands and look forward to seeing them the next day. It;s the bride and grooms day and it's what they want that count.

Stephb1986_2

I find the wording a bit out of order, I don't particularly like kids I don't have any of my own but I've just got engaged and only inviting the minimum amount of kids as I have a niece.

As for asking for money we was going to ask for lovetoshop vouchers as then we can spend them anywhere would that be out of order?

Steph xx

ninky_2

it's interesting the whole "it's their day they should do what they want" attitude. it seems to reflect so much about the current selfishness of the west. maybe the acceptance that being selfish / "because i'm worth it "is the way to happiness is the reason so many marriages end in divorce. having lots of guests at your wedding doesn't have to cost a fortune.

what is more important - having the right table settings with "salmon or chicken" meal options or having a big and busy celebration full of all the people that surround you? is it about image, having the right backdrop for your photos - or is it about substance, having the right relationships around you to support and sustain your (emotionally) rich and diverse future together?