Wedding list: They have asked for money

Smashing

Fly_Baby wrote: »

But I would think how to phrase my invitation. And if after a child-free invitation, for example, my dear cousin rang up to say that she would have to bring her children with her because she cannot arrange childcare for them - well, I'd rather she came to my wedding to share this day with me even if I wanted a child-free wedding.
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If you have stated that you do not wish to have children attending the wedding it is incredibly rude of a guest to request special treatment.

*Louise*

Smashing wrote: »

If you have stated that you do not wish to have children attending the wedding it is incredibly rude of a guest to request special treatment.

I agree with that in principle, but it must be difficult to refuse if it's someone you REALLY want to be there.

wifeforlife

mountainofdebt wrote: »

As for the request for donations to the honeymoon - I think I would be telling them to take a running jump.....I don't expect people to pay for my holidays so why should I pay for theirs?

Have no issue with gift lists - makes everything far more easier .

This couple is not advertising requesting people to pay for a flash holiday. They are getting married and promising their lives to each other in front of their family and friends.

They have a home, fully furnished and don't need anything further for that home. Maybe they've never had a holiday? Maybe they're planning a baby? Maybe this is the only opportunity to have a holiday? Maybe they can't afford a honeymoon?

I think it would be more selfish and really wasteful to accept gifts from people, replacing like for like, just because their wedding guests deemed them rude for requesting donations to their honeymoon instead.

How moneysaving :rolleyes:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If I still had to give the time of day to this joyless parade of narcissism (sp?), I'd probably chuck them a couple of quid, as they obviously have everything they need, other than some coins for the trolleys at the airport.

I bet they are horrendous when they have kids - insisting on them disrupting every social event imaginable.

Although they do need something - a set of DVDs with comedians other than Ricky Gervase on them, as they appear to require urgent help in identifying what is funny and what is just offensive.

SingleSue

Maybe I come from a different age but for my wedding, the thought of having no children there never even crossed my mind. Now bearing in mind that at that point we had no children (and in fact I didn't want any for at least another 15 years) and it was a very formal event in the High Church, it just would have seemed wrong not to have all family members or friends there, child or adult.

I have also been to umpteen weddings where there has never been a request to leave the children at home, mostly coinciding with when one of mine was very small....any sign of crying etc from the children and I or my husband went outside with them until they had settled again (sometimes it would be quite funny outside as myself and quite a few cousins were having babies at the same time and it would be like a little parents event outside the church).

As for gifts, for ours we did have a list but it was only given to people if they were really stuck and asked what we wanted, otherwise we took pot luck and accepted gratefully anything someone had bought us (we had been living together for 3 years before we married, so had most things...except a toaster)...and must admit, the 6 sets of 24 glasses came in very handy, have finally used/broken the last one 20 years later! We didn't expect a gift at all, just having our friends and family with us was enough.

No blooming toaster though! :rotfl:

Edit - Must admit, for evening receptions for friends, the children were always left with a sitter unless their presence was specifically requested.

Fly_Baby

Smashing wrote: »

If you have stated that you do not wish to have children attending the wedding it is incredibly rude of a guest to request special treatment.

I would not see it as such. Speaking of my cousin.. Her mother would be invited too so that would leave her mother-in-law to babysit. And if she is not available then my cousin would not have any choice but either to decline the invitation or bring the kids. I would really want her to share my big day so I guess that would have to be the Option 2. Not for her but for me too. Mind you, I love my nephews to bits.

When I got married none of my friends and relatives had small children so it wasn't an issue.

KME91

It's funny, we went to a wedding last year, and the bride and groom, had lived together for ages. they said 'look, we don't need anything, don't feel you need to buy us a gift. if you want to give something you are welcome to pay into our honeymoon fund, but really all we want is your company on the day'. we knew they were going to america, so gave them dollars to spend, and were very happy to do it.

another couple are getting married this year and are working on the assumption that the gifts from guests will be paying for their honeymoon. the way they've talked about it has put me off giving them anything at all, in fact i'd rather not go to the wedding. but OH is the best man so what can you do?

Lilith1980

I agree that the way it's been worded is harsh, especially the bit about the children!

Some of my OH's family have children and whilst we BOTH would have preferred there being no kids (we're not "kid" people), there was no chance of them getting babysitters so you have to go with the flow.

We also asked for money for our honeymoon because we'd been living together for a year. But when writing the invites I put a lot of thought into how I worded it (unlike the OP's friend by the sound of it). I made it light-hearted and said something along the lines of we'd appreciate gifts of money so at least my OH didn't have to sleep on the beach in Cornwall!

I think it's just how you word it, and these guys seem to have been pretty blunt!

OrkneyStar

elastigirl wrote: »

We have been invited to a wedding and i was a little surprised at how they worded some of it,
I don't have a problem with their wishes but it's how they have said it, Maybe it is just me but i have found it a bit rude.

They have a no children rule this is fine as we only take our son to them if they are family weddings and this is a friends. But they wrote on the invite

''Over the last few years it was your choice and decision to go off and have lots of children but it wasn't ours however it is our choice and decision not to have them at our wedding, so leave them with the grandparents.
Although I understand some couples do not want children at a wedding (and lets face it, it is their choice!), the wording here is rude and un-kind. It could have been written in a much more sensitive way! There is no please mentioned and it also suggests you have been bad in some way to 'go off' and have children!

The gift list inclosed was a card that said no actual gifts as we have everything we need. please give us money to pay for the honeymoon.
Thenthere is details of a company where we either send a cheque or ring and give our credit/debit card details so that the money directly pays off the honeymoon.
Lucky them to have all they need! As for money, well surely they could have send, if you do wish to give a gift then money towards our honeymoon would be much appreciated. The wording again sounds very harsh and assuming!
I am a little un easy about giving money as i guess it isn't the normal thing to do and we aren't used to it. I would feel cheap giving them £20-£30 in cash wheres a gift can look alot more. i don't know how much to give as they are really only a work friend, i would prefer to give a gift really.

Comments in red.
Unless this person is a close friend (you mention work) I would be inclined to be otherwise engaged, and simply give them a nice card. LOL if you want to continue along their theme you could include a very harsh description of exactly what you think of them!.....don't do that, only joking, but seriously it is very badly worded imho!

MrsE_2

cathy2702 wrote: »

This couple is not advertising requesting people to pay for a flash holiday. They are getting married and promising their lives to each other in front of their family and friends.

They have a home, fully furnished and don't need anything further for that home. Maybe they've never had a holiday? Maybe they're planning a baby? Maybe this is the only opportunity to have a holiday? Maybe they can't afford a honeymoon?

I think it would be more selfish and really wasteful to accept gifts from people, replacing like for like, just because their wedding guests deemed them rude for requesting donations to their honeymoon instead.

How moneysaving :rolleyes:

I agree I think its strange to want to foster a gift on a couple of something they already have.

Its easier to give cash:D

No deciding, shopping, wrapping;)