Wedding list: They have asked for money

Eloise80

I have to say, I personally wouldn't ask for money as a wedding present, but I'm going to a wedding in spring where the couple have done just that. However, they phrased it really nicely, something along the lines of "some people have asked if they could give us a present. We don't want anyone to feel obliged to and your presence at our special day is all we ask for. If you would like to give us a present, we're going to X on honeymoon and any contributions would be gratefully received." As they've phrased it so nicely, and it's a friend I've known for years, I'd be more than happy to either send them some money using the gift code or to drop a similar amount of the currency of the country into a card.

As to kids, fair enough not to want them at the wedding, it's their day but I can't believe the rudeness of that. And I have to say that at the wedding I went to recently, the best behaved guest was probably the one year old baby. I think he gurgled twice during the ceremony :-)

shiningdove

Its possible that i'm the only that thinks like this but the kids bit could of been a bit of sarcastic humor?

snowmaid

They obviously thought they were being funny, afterall they have seen comedians on telly speaking like that and everyone laughed......:rolleyes:

Obviously it is their choice not to have kids at the wedding, however, they obviously are extremely lacking in social and etiquette skills. They sound as if they are a very young couple. Wasn't there anyone around to guide them out of such childish 'humour'?

How can I put this delicately.....I would tell them to get stuffed.

jcr16

I think the wording on that is awful. could of been worded alot better.

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks. a huge very posh expensive wedding. ( can't wait) anyway she invited us and our 3 children but when we were talking she said the children and more than welcome to the service so we can all have family photo's together ( she has bought the kids matching outfits to match the bridal/ groom ware ). but would we mind if they didn't come to the evening meal. if we really wanted them to come then of course they would be welcome. but he menu isn't child friendly so the hotel has said it will proivde the kids with a chip dinner however it will still cost £30 per child!!!! ( same as the adult meal ) so as much as i'd love to have the kids with us all day there is no way i'd allow them to pay just under £100 for 3 kids meals. My kids are off to their grandparents for the evening. The wedding list also states which i think is wonderful ' Please do not feel obligated to buy a present asare very appreciative of the effort and expense that guest have already gone to , to share in our special day. and we do not expect any gifts but if you wish to purchase something then we have a wedding list avaliable online..


i think if i had an invite worded as OP then i would be busy on that day.

Becles

I can understand it's the personal choice of the couple if they have children present or not, but think the couple here could have worded it better. It sounds very rude what they've written.

I know I'm in a minority, but I think it's rude when people ask for presents, be it a gift list or cash/vouchers, on the invitation. I think it's more polite to just ask people to come to your wedding, and then offer a gift list or cash/voucher suggestion if guests as what you would like as a present.

We did it that way for our wedding. He moved into my home that I'd lived in for some years, so we did a small gift list of bits and bobs we needed and said we'd also like DIY vouchers as we wanted to decorate and put his stamp on the house so to speak. When made sure we spent the vouchers on specific items so when we wrote thank you letters we could say things like "thanks, you bought the light fittings" or whatever

Snowmoredebt

Hi

I can understand people not wanting children at their wedding, but i think they could have worded it differently personally i think they have tried to add humour which they havent really pulled off.
I am gettting married in August and our daughter will be 18 month as will our friends little un we dont mind if they cry or cause a fuss we expect it they are at that age for us we are just glad they will be there, and we both agree children are welcome at the reception aswell.

The wedding list we dont agree with having spoken with our parents and we have said if anyone asks to say we just would like their company and if they persist and would like to buy a gift then anything would be appreciated as we are still living with MIL and will be looking to move out 6 months after marrying.
For us we want our family and friend with us and wouldnt feel hurt in the slightist if not one person gave a gift.

mandragora_2

What about making a donation to this charity in their name?

http://www.ippf.org/en/About/

Seems like a very worthwhile cause and one they would prsumably be in favour of. Then you can attend, have a lovely day and do something to make the world a little bit better and no harm done, all in the spirit of the original invite....

I know I'd do it!

mountainofdebt

To be honest if I received an invite with that wording I think I would have to politely decline.

Are people that ill mannered that if their children aren't included on the invite then they still bring the children? If my son (when younger!) hadn't been included I wouldn't have dreamed of bringing him along.

Also if there is a baby crying in the church is it really beyond the parents' wit to take the child out?

As for the request for donations to the honeymoon - I think I would be telling them to take a running jump.....I don't expect people to pay for my holidays so why should I pay for theirs?

Have no issue with gift lists - makes everything far more easier .

gs1967

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think the no kids thing is absolutely fine but very badly expressed. I must admit it's a sentiment I do feel myself in every single restaurant I go to with badly behaved children but I don't ever say it even to strangers never mind to close friends and family.

On the money thing, could you club together with other people from work and give a 'joint' present, even if it is cash...

We did that at work for one of our (male) colleagues, after the wedding, he told us that his new wife had used it (£150) to pay for her hairdo. Not really what we all had in mind for a wedding gift. :rolleyes:

Fly_Baby

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I wouldn't expect anyone to 'accomodate' my life choices bur nor would I like to be kept out of things because I have a child.

It's their wedding, their day and if they don't want kids then they shouldn't feel pressured or have to pare down the guest list

By accomodating their guests' wishes I did not necessarily mean including children in the guest list.

But I would think how to phrase my invitation. And if after a child-free invitation, for example, my dear cousin rang up to say that she would have to bring her children with her because she cannot arrange childcare for them - well, I'd rather she came to my wedding to share this day with me even if I wanted a child-free wedding.

But then, I suppose other guests might get offended if they had children and didn't bring them... Tricky, I admit.