Husband in debt

belfastgirl23

hulagirl79 wrote: »

As for him taking out credit without me knowing i am not aware of any and he def has not put anything against the house as we have just received the mortgage statement through and it all is fine.

I'm not sure if I've got the wrong end of the stick here but while he hasn't withdrawn any money from the mortgage he might have secured debt against the house (ie put it up as collatoral). I would presume this would show up on an experian check? These are either very cheap or free and well worth doing just to see what comes up there. It would also presumably need to form part of any divorce negotiations, just to make certain that his debt comes of his 'half' of the house.

At this stage I don't know if it's even worth putting a lot of thought into working out the 'why' of his debt - it's his problem. Although I do think if his family are anyway decent you should give htem a big warning not to lend more money to him.

You're doing all the right things. Good luck.

hulagirl79

I have checked my credit report when i found out about all this. [3 weeks ago ish]
It all seems fine credit report is all good and nothing showing on there that i do not know about.

floss2

hulagirl79 wrote: »

.... I am also entitled to one of his two pensions [which i dont want but am prepared to use it to get my 50/50]....

You may not want it now, but if you are entitled to it, take independent financial advice before refusing it. It is very unlikely that there will be anything left in the state pension pot by the time you are of an age to receive one, so you should ideally be building up a pension fund of your own, so don't refuse this if you are entitled to it. Equally, you need to be aware that he could demand half of your pension fund...

hulagirl79

I have not got a pension [i know i should sort one out] and i really dont want his, i just want all this to be over as easily and quickly as possible.
He has come in and said nothing to me other than he is going out tonight.
I want to be able to move on.

charlea

if you have any cheque books on the mortgage account try to get hold of them and put them somewhere safe or rip em up so that they cant be used

if its joint account you can generally get texts sent to you each time a payment is taken out of the account ( i can with lloyds tsb)
i would not rely on the bank itself to let you know if anything has been taken out


have you ever been a secondary card holder on any of the credit cards if so you could probably get a copy of the bill if you have access/'authority to speak about the cards

what im saying now please dont take it the wrong way - but you think he might have been having an affair at some point ( im sure i read that on one of your posts ) my own thoughts are if you think that - then he most probably is and no your not being paranoid or crazy or distrustfull or a stupid women
The trouble is most of us women dont listen to our intuition even when its screaming at us full in the face with sirens on

I would say that you dont need evidence becuase its unlikely that he would admit it and the hiding of the bank statments could be that he has bought stuff for another women hotels meal out ect that he cant really explain or account for ie on line gambling ect But just the fact that he dosent want you to see them means that there is something very incriminating on those statements


If you know when the next statements is due then make a point of being at home when the postman arrive so that you can open them and see what he has been spending his money on and where

(at least thats what i would do but thats just me im a nosey cow at heart and wouldnt rest untill i was satisfied)



its those hiding of the bank statements that would drive me nuts
Do you know his pin numbers for his cards - cos you can always go to the cash point and request extra statements and im sure you can get statments from the cashpoints for bank account and credit cards or at the very least the last couple of transactions

you say he guards his laptop with his life but i bet it not with him when he goes to the gym or down the pub ect or out with the lads ( just a thought)

you seem to be remarkably on top of things and i wish you all the best dont let him get away with anything dont give an inch unless it is right for you
I would take the pensions even if it not worth much - sorry if i sound devious with remarks about bank statement and credit checks ect but i always think of what the worse that can happen and then anything else is a bonus

hulagirl79 wrote: »

I cant get it frozen as all the bills and mortgage come out of it.
i will give them a call to see if they can contact me if any withdrawls come out that are not the usual ones, at least if the know all that then its a bit of comeback if he does do something.

hulagirl79

Charlea- thanks for your post.
I have never been a secondary card holder on any of his cards thank goodness, I also dont know any of his pin numbers or visa versa.
You are right about the lap top he does not take it down the pub, but you need a password to get into the lap top [whiich big suprise i dont know] as for statements i agree with you i am waiting for them to be delivered, none as of yet but he could of easily changed them to paperless.
I have text message set up with our joint account but only once a week. I will see if i can change that to everytime something comes out of the account.
I think i am probably right about the affair but at this point it does not matter according to the solictor i have grounds for divorce on unreasonable behaviour.
x

charlea

even if you were a secondary card holder it wouldnt matter if you maxed the card out its his account and he is responsible for whatever you spend on it :T i would just switch on his laptop anyway and see what happens some people dont log off or have the remember me box ticked so you dont need his password

faiiling that find some geeky teenager who is a whizz with laptops and get him to crack it for you :rotfl:
if he is keeping the paper statements at work then he has probably not switched to online ones yet

anyway i truly wish you all the best - you seem to be remarkably calm and dealing with it in a very grown up way - me i would be plotting to cut up his clothes and put sugar in the engine of his ohhhh so expensive car
i did read of a lady who put prawn in the lining of the curtains and in the lining of a sofa when she left her boyfriend apparantly he had the house professsionally cleaned and the cats were going wild but thats another story

[QUOTE=hulagirl79;2
9609999]Charlea- thanks for your post.
I have never been a secondary card holder on any of his cards thank goodness, I also dont know any of his pin numbers or visa versa.
You are right about the lap top he does not take it down the pub, but you need a password to get into the lap top [whiich big suprise i dont know] as for statements i agree with you i am waiting for them to be delivered, none as of yet but he could of easily changed them to paperless.
I have text message set up with our joint account but only once a week. I will see if i can change that to everytime something comes out of the account.
I think i am probably right about the affair but at this point it does not matter according to the solictor i have grounds for divorce on unreasonable behaviour.
x[/QUOTE]

chesky369

I'd be very careful about trying to see his on-line bank accounts - unless you don't mind him knowing you've done so - accounts always say something like 'you last accessed this account at 10.25am on monday 3rd november'. So he would be able to tell immediately.

Brecon_Beacons

hulagirl79 wrote: »

He does online banking and guards his lap top with his life, he works in computers so know's alot about them and how to hide things better than i do.
As for the affair thing i thought something was going on before christmas but i can be a little paranoid, but i have no evidence and his behaviour does point that way.
QUOTE]

Oh he guards his laptop with his life, does he? This reminds me of my ex - who did the same with a locked briefcase. You know, one of those 3-barrel combination things.

WHENEVER a man (men by nature being so lax about possessions) starts locking/hiding things away like this, beware!

Hulagirl, you need to make it your mission to get into that laptop! You will think of a way. My ex thought his briefcase was safe...but he reckoned without one VERY determined woman - and after all, there are only 999 possible combinations

That's how I found out about the £30k debt he had run up, the little charmer.

And as for your concern before Christmas...go with it! I think everyone who is reading this thread is thinking the same. Your man is holding out on you about more than a few careless purchases, I've a feeling one of them wears lingerie!!!

jdturk

Brecon_Beacons wrote: »

hulagirl79 wrote: »

He does online banking and guards his lap top with his life, he works in computers so know's alot about them and how to hide things better than i do.
As for the affair thing i thought something was going on before christmas but i can be a little paranoid, but i have no evidence and his behaviour does point that way.
QUOTE]

Oh he guards his laptop with his life, does he? This reminds me of my ex - who did the same with a locked briefcase. You know, one of those 3-barrel combination things.

WHENEVER a man (men by nature being so lax about possessions) starts locking/hiding things away like this, beware!

Hulagirl, you need to make it your mission to get into that laptop! You will think of a way. My ex thought his briefcase was safe...but he reckoned without one VERY determined woman - and after all, there are only 999 possible combinations

That's how I found out about the £30k debt he had run up, the little charmer.

And as for your concern before Christmas...go with it! I think everyone who is reading this thread is thinking the same. Your man is holding out on you about more than a few careless purchases, I've a feeling one of them wears lingerie!!!

Same applies to women to be fair!