Husband in debt

paddy's_mum

How heartbreaking!

Once you get talking on Friday, if you find he's even a little bit amenable, would he consider Relate counselling, with the hope that he might get a glimmer of understanding of where you are coming from? Or, is it already way too late ..

I suspect that I would find his attitude a death-knell to everything. Why would anyone put in months and years of effort and sacrifice when the original perpetrator is not in the least concerned and cannot even see the burden on the relationship. I'm sorry and I wish you happier times.

grastgirl

I know this might sound terrible, but I think it's for the best that this happened before you had children. It sounds like he hasn't fought for you at all, which is by far the worst part of it.

Do wait to see how he reacts when you actually leave, he might surprise you (and himself), afterall men can be awful at expressing their emotions unless really pushed.

hulagirl79

Well he did decide to sit down thursday eve after all
He did not take responsbility for things and said he has been feeling that things are over for the last two weeks [as i didnt offer to help him out financially with his debt, he did not realise i was that type of person]
I feel very calm about the whole thing, it will prob hit me later.
The only issue i have now is he does not think a 50/50 split is fair as he has always paid more into the house [he earns over £1000 more per month than me and put the deposit down as well £10,000] he thought 70/30 was fair.
I am unsure i know the solictors will say usual is 50/50 and i dont want to spend loads arguing over it.
Any advice.
Thanks

choille

Hi hulagirl - I think you need time to catch your breath & make an appointment with a solicitor.
Don't think you have to decide any amount just like that - you've put a lot into the relationship & I think you have to take a considered view not a rushed one.

hulagirl79

I have an appointment with a solictor tomorrow so will speak to him see what is suggested.
Tbh i just want this sorted as quickly as possible, it is not going to be enjoyable living in the same house as him now. He does not always act like a grown up at the best of times.
I t is going to take a lot of work but is the only option.

Money_maker

Good luck for tomorrow. Dont shortchange yourself, you put a lot of effort into your marriage.

I rather suspect that there's something going on here that you don't know about. Could be just about anything but that sort of money doesn't just get spent in tescos and on bits without anything to show for it.

Rather seems that he's been backed into a corner. You are absolutely right not to take on a secured loan - with his attitude you probably will lose the house. It sounds as though he has been pampered financially by his family and he feels that this is a demonstration of love rather than the actions of the foolish.

Lets hope he takes his head out of the sand (or his !!!!) and realises he is about to lose the most precious thing he has that money can't buy - you.

Good luck

savingmummy

Money_maker wrote: »

Good luck for tomorrow. Dont shortchange yourself, you put a lot of effort into your marriage.

I rather suspect that there's something going on here that you don't know about. Could be just about anything but that sort of money doesn't just get spent in tescos and on bits without anything to show for it.

I totally agree!!
I would be very suspicious about his spending,
Has he come clean yet as to what his spending on? or still keeping to his original story?

hulagirl79

He is still trying to say my car and other things for the house. My car is £1000. which still leaves 19000 on credit card.
I have thought of plasma tv, flight to california for him, play station 3, green house, stuff for his car, meals out for him, weekend away with boys etc i could go on as these were bought over time i assumed it was being paid for not put on credit.
I agree that there must be more stuff but thats all i can see.
The other thing is he goes to tesco at least 4 times a week and spends about £20-£30 per time [ food and drink, very few things for me] that all soon adds up.
I cant see the c/c statments as he is keeping them all at work not at home.[ yes i know that is odd i have had this decussion with him.

Little_Miss_Winner

Thinking of you today hulagirl79, let us know how you went on chick xx

sunshine_shell

get yourself sorted, put your documents somewhere safe and start moving your things into a storage space or ask your mum if you could borrow the garage for a bit. make sure you phone the banks in relation to any 'money' that you share and make sure they know what is going on. Then start saving your money or cash somewhere he can't find it, even if its your locker at work!