Husband in debt

Aruna

Could he be getting cash back from tesco and then place some cash bets in ladbrokes, william hill etc on a daily basis? It really is a mystery what them 30 and 40 quid spends are on.

hulagirl79

The £30-40 quids are spent on buying food we already have in the cupboards, because he cant be bothered to look to see if we need it and a bottle of wine or beer. not cheap wine.
Thank you aruna- your description is him down to a T.
I am not about to hack into his computer, i dont feel like i need to know all the details now.
It hit me yesterday, i felt really low and sad but i g uess that is to be expected.
He has not told anyone about the split yet not even his family so i am waiting for him to do that as we have a few family things coming up that we are meant to be doing and keep getting asked what we are doing [i keep refering them to him] #I am not sure if the reason he hasnt told anyone is because he thinks the split is not going to happen, i have no idea what goes on in his head.
Thanks for the advice.

ChefBungle

Sounds like he's burying his head in the sand at the moment about everything. If you get things moving with the Estate Agent tomorrow, then maybe when he sees the "For Sale" sign, that will galvanise him into taking some kind of action.

At the moment it certainly sounds like he's not taking you seriously and doesn't think you're going to go through with what you're saying.

Keep your chin up, it's his loss.

curlygirl1971

I think weekends can be very lonely when you are either on your own and don't want to be or in a house with a person that things aren't working out with - work and routine isn't there to distract you. Is there any where you can go today to get yourself out and about? Perhaps plan some things for next weekend?

Keep your chin up - you are going through a really tough time but you are heading in the right direction. One way or another life will be better on the otherside of all this, just ride it out.

Have you set up a support network - friends, family? People who know what is happening and who you can go to if need be?

hulagirl79

Curlygirl1971- I have told 3 close friends and my mum they have all been really great leting me talk and moan and being supportive even offering to hit him [only joking]
I spent the day with my mum yesterday and this morning have been to the gym, i am going to put some stuff on ebay this pm so am keeping busy.
I know i will get through this and that it will just take time.
He is out at the moment so the house is all peaceful.
Thank you for all your support
xx

lilac_lady

You've definitely made the right decision. Trust is a major part of a relationship and he's lost your trust and respect. Good luck for the future.

salesaddict

hi Hulagirl,

I have subscribed to your thread and just want to say I think you are doing the right things at the moment. I hope that he shows true remorse and that he will put things in place to change his behaviour and maybe save the marriage?
You sound a great girl. I hope for his sake he will come to see what he is losing before it is too late . In my bil's case who I mentioned at the beginning of your thread, he just seems to have settled for second best and a lifetime of debt.
I will be following developments with you and I wish you all the luck in doing what's best for you. You sound an admirably strong person and I am glad you have the support of your Mum and friends.
Take care

Primrose

I posted my earlier thoughts before getting to the end of the thread and it now seems as if you've made your decision.
Such terrible breaches of trust as this usually leave such scars that it's difficult to rebuilt a relationship so I think you have probably made the right decision. I hope that you are able to salvage something to enable you to move forward. At least contact the bank and ask them to register that the joint account is under dispute and possible ask if you can change it going foward so that both signatures are required for any withdrawal. I don't know if this is possible with online banking. You may have to return to cheque book banking for this to be possible. Good luck.

ERICS_MUM

hulagirl79 wrote: »

Curlygirl1971- I have told 3 close friends and my mum they have all been really great leting me talk and moan and being supportive even offering to hit him [only joking]
I spent the day with my mum yesterday and this morning have been to the gym, i am going to put some stuff on ebay this pm so am keeping busy.
I know i will get through this and that it will just take time.
He is out at the moment so the house is all peaceful.
Thank you for all your support
xx

You sound so level-headed and strong, which I'm sure will help you get through this and emerge with your self respect and confidence intact.

Your OH on the other hand sounds like a weak and self-indulgent man who will never be truely happy with his life, which is a shame.

I can't offer any practical advice but I really want to wish you well for what you now have to do - no matter how bad it gets please always believe in yourself and your right to a happy life.

Linda xx

ChefBungle

Hey HulaGirl,

Just wondered how you were getting on today.

Hope your day's going as well as it can and that you've managed to get the ball rolling with the Estate Agents.