Husband in debt

Money_maker

If you are happy with the 15K then it sounds ideal.

Chances are he'll default on the mortgage and lose the house or borrow against it further down the line - how long can family keep bailing him out?

Still, thats not your problem.

Glad to hear you can both communicate well and wish you luck in resolving.

curlygirl1971

Don;t feel that I can offer any opinion on the amount. A clean break with minimal trauma does sound ideal. If I were you I think I'd talk it through with family and see what they think - they know you and your situation better - although perhaps they would naturally like to see you walk away with more because they naturally think you deserve better. It's a hard one. Just go through all your figures again and if £15k is what you'd think you'd gain by going down the other route then I guess there is nothing to loose and everything t gain. Sorry am rambling rubbish cause I don't feel qualified to advise. Do you still intend to run it through solicitor?

hulagirl79

Thanks for your advice.
The only family i have is my mum, i have spoken to her tonight [she was waiting to hear what he had said] she told me that if it feels right to go ahead with it, as long as i am happy. [bless her]
As for solictor i already brought this option up with him and he said as long as it is all done with the current mortgage company and that i see the paperwork with my name taken off and that i have a copy of that then thats fine.
We have both agreed that we are not in a hurry for a divorce, that can wait a while.
The amount is what i am happy with, i was not after lots just something that shows the effort and money i have out into the house and so i can start again.
I will be renting a place to start with.
One of the only hurdles i now have is my cat, he does not want her and if i rent most rented places wont take animals.
Anyone want a stressed out half bald 5year old cat who likes to scratch everything. lol
She is nice honest.
xx

charlea

if you do do this then def make sure you name is off the mortgage you dont want it when he defaults on the mortgage to go bankrupt /hand the keys in and get repossed and becuase your still on the mortgage you get chased for the shortfall /mortage payments
This happend to a friend of mine year ago and its only now 13 years on that she is clear and free of the shortfall of the house
cant help you with the cat but if you offer the landlords a security deposit of some sort for the cat some will let you have animals never harms to ask
wish you all the best

hulagirl79 wrote: »

well we sat down and talked.
He wants to keep the house and if he can take over the mortgage will give me £15,000.
This is roughly what i would get if we sold the house [top price] and split it 50/50.
He should be able to take over the mortgage [at quite a high interest rate, due to credit rating]
He will need to borrow the £15,000 from his sister. [yes i know more borrowing for him but not my concern]
If we go down this route it should all be done in 4 weeks ish.

If we sell it could take up to 6 months and we might not get the asking price.

What do you think.
We have decided to sit down on sunday to talk further.

smartpicture

I really would advise you to get a solicitor to do your part, even if it costs you a bit extra. You need to be 100% certain that you are removed from all obligations later, and that all the factors come together at the same time. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the mortgage company insist that you have independent advice, they certainly did in my case.

As far as the money goes - thats up to you, but getting out with everything settled within a month or so is worth a few thousand, in my opinion.

ninky_2

it sounds like you've come to a good arrangement. as you say if you sell the house you might wait ages, property prices could fall etc. and you will be stuck waiting to get on with your life.

i'm sure you will find somewhere that lets you have a cat.

good luck.

hulagirl79

Hi everyone.
Just a little update.
well other half is now stalling on everything. We first agreed that he would take over the mortgage and he would pay me off, we decided to get valuations anyway.
They came back about what we thought [either way i would walk away with same amount of money] i was happy for him to have the house as long as my name is off the mortgage.
But he just does not seem to see that i am being as nice as i can be, i could insist that we sell the house but i am not.

He finally told one of his sister on sunday but only as he needs to borrow the money to buy me out. He has not spoken to the mortgage advisor or our mortgage company to sort it out. He has also not told anyone else about us splitting up.
I am just getting really stressed with the whole situation now, i want it to be getting sorted.
I have told him that if he has not got things going by friday that i am going to put the house on the market.
I am just fed up with all the little snid comments [iwent out on friday for the first time since this has all happened, i thought i looked nice and he said are you going out on the pull in a really sarcastic way] I know i maybe over sensitive but i just feel that there is no need to make comments like that. He also keeps saying that i never liked his family and other stuff like that [not sure what this has got to do with anything] but he keeps saying it and when i question it he says stop being sensitive

Am i being to sensitive about all of this, Is he right.
I just dont know anymore, i just feel very stressed and want all this to be over, so we can move on, he keeps telling me thats what he wants.
Sorry if i am rambeling and not mmaking much sense.

floss2

hulagirl79 wrote: »

....well other half is now stalling on everything...

... He has not spoken to the mortgage advisor or our mortgage company to sort it out. He has also not told anyone else about us splitting up.

.... He also keeps saying that i never liked his family and other stuff like that [not sure what this has got to do with anything] but he keeps saying it and when i question it he says stop being sensitive

Am i being to sensitive about all of this, Is he right..

NO you are not being sensitive - he is being a total A**E and sniping in a way he knows will get to you. DON'T respond, no matter how hard it is. Start to tell your family & friends, they will prefer to be told now to understnad why you may be upset or stressed.

You REALLY NEED to get a solicitor on side, and start the ball rolling re divorce & selling the house. Also, go along with suggestions from the solicitor re increasing your share & going for his pensions, as it may make him accept your original offer to be bought out & removed from the mortgage if he thinks he may have to give you more than that.

Sorry for "shouting" but he's trying to hurt you, and you've taken enough s**t from him with all the financial issues

Oh, and by the way, :grouphug: for standing your ground

Karen_30

hulagirl79 wrote: »

Am i being to sensitive about all of this, Is he right.
I just dont know anymore, i just feel very stressed and want all this to be over, so we can move on, he keeps telling me thats what he wants.
Sorry if i am rambeling and not mmaking much sense.

Hello,

I've just finished reading your thread from beginning to end and just want to say that you should be SO proud of yourself and the way you are handling this - you are being so strong and even if you are being 'sensitive' about all of this SO WHAT!!! I'd like to find someone that wouldn't be sensitive to the situation when it involves the end of their marriage and losing their home - he is being insensitive and as floss2 says 'he is being a total A**E and sniping in a way he knows will get to you'

I do agree though that perhaps you need to get a solicitor on your side as something tells me that he is likely to be cagey and devious about all of this just as he has been with his debt, perhaps he's stalling as he's been told he can't take a mortgage on his own or something like that and that to keep the house he'd have to have both your names and so on - don't under estimate him even if he is being nice or offering £15k.

You must make sure that your name is off of the mortgage and to do that ensure that a solicitor is involved to make sure. Now his family is involved be prepared for a little bit of a rough ride - from the experience of a friend (in same situ) they all like to put their opinions in and will be telling him to do all sorts - hopefully they'll not want to get involved and clearly are only seen to him as a bank to lend him money rather than family from what you have put!

You can hold your head high in all of this and good on you for going out and enjoying yourself! Be strong and most of all don't be hard on yourself.

Take care,

K xx

January20

I have just read your thread from the beginning too and it seems to me that you are being too nice. He is obviously a devious character, used to telling lies and getting his own way. This is not the time to be nice to him. This is the time to do whatever it takes for you to get what you want: your share of the house, your name of the mortgage and eventually when you are ready a divorce (why don't you want a divorce straight away?) Take the advice of your solicitor and since he specialises in divorce law, listen to it and act upon it!