Husband in debt

DigitalJedi

hulagirl79 wrote: »

He has not told anyone about the split yet not even his family.......i have no idea what goes on in his head.
Thanks for the advice.

Sounds symptomatic of his behaviour. At least he's consistent. He's still in denial. Denial that he has a debt problem, denial that he has a matrimonial problem.

From what you've described, him being flash with the cash to impress friends/family, I wonder who he is seeking approval from? Why is he so insecure that he needs to seek approval even at the risk of losing everything?

hulagirl79

Hi chef bungle
It was not such a good day today , i think it all hit me and i started crying at work [not so great as it was to pick up time at the school and i was getting strange looks from parents and the children i look after]
I was really doubting my descision but read back some text messages from him some quite old and it has made me realise that even without this current problem we have been having problems for such a long time nothing will ever get change and i feel stronger in my descision.
I did not phone the estate agents today as i couldnt get myself together to talk about anything, but i will call them first thing in the am and get them round on friday.
He is at home and we have been talking about estate agents and he seems accepting and polite about things, hopefully it wil stay this way.
Thanks for all the support it really does help.
xx

Turtle

Keep strong, you're being amazing so far.

curlygirl1971

You are going to have days like this. Perhaps even several days together. But bit by bit, as you move forward, these times will get less frequent and less intense. You've had a normal reaction to a really crappy situation today - just go with the flo and don't feel bad for having an emotional reaction - just get it all out when you need to and if you need to

Keep yourself healthy - make sure you are still eating

Edit: PS. Shame its not later in the year. Last time I went through errr 'Emotional turmoil' I had this leaky eye problem. I saved the sobbing for home but during the day at work my eyes would slowly but steadily stream. I blamed it on hay fever - and they believed me!

ninky_2

a year from now things will be so different for you. this is a hard time but you are making the right decision. you need to make room in your life for good things to come. that means there is an emptying process. feeling empty is hard. but think of it as creating space for a positive future. why don't you plan a nice day for yourself on valentine's day. put the energy into thinking of something you'd like to treat yourself to and do it.

hulagirl79

Hi everyone.
Well i have two estate agents coming round on friday to value the house and i have also spoke to husband and asked him to go to the mortgage company [they are also his bank] to make sure he cant get the mortgage transfered into his name [i just want a def answer on this question]
We are going to sit down tonight and discuss the logistics of the split [ the split of the money etc]
Will update you all when i have spoken to him.

OuterNet

Good Luck talking to your husband. And well done for taking such a brave step.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi hunni,

Thinking of you tonight. Hope all goes well xx

belfastgirl23

Good luck!

hulagirl79

well we sat down and talked.
He wants to keep the house and if he can take over the mortgage will give me £15,000.
This is roughly what i would get if we sold the house [top price] and split it 50/50.
He should be able to take over the mortgage [at quite a high interest rate, due to credit rating]
He will need to borrow the £15,000 from his sister. [yes i know more borrowing for him but not my concern]
If we go down this route it should all be done in 4 weeks ish.

If we sell it could take up to 6 months and we might not get the asking price.

What do you think.
We have decided to sit down on sunday to talk further.