xmas pressie - am still peed off

patchwork_cat

You said that you tried to divorce him twice, but social services wouldn't help. Why are Social Services involved, is this because you couldn't afford to move out?

Is this a divorce issue, is this yet another example of how you think he feels about you? Are you happy at the moment in other ways?

As for the present I really don't know what to advise, as I wouldn't advise the way I dealt with the 2 issues below, but if you are generally hurting then I would think it is time for a heart to heart. A long time ago my DH bought me a CD for a group that I quite liked, but that he preferred, it wasn't his only present to me, but my instant reaction was I don't want that. It really hurt him and I still feel guilty that I was childish about it. However I know that he had bought it because he was stuck as to what to get. He is a lovely man, but not 'romantic', iyswim.

My kids were away with my MIL this year on my birthday and he forgot to get them a card from me - yes they are old enough to do it, but he has always done it. He didn't even realise until I said is there no card from the kids. Again I was childish, but I was really hurt that both he and them hadn't even thought about it.

In the 2 instances above I am not proud of the way I reacted and wish I could have been more magnanimous, but you can't help how you feel and that is what makes us all different, thank goodness. I am emotional and that means I love and hate in equal measures- although I do fight it and try to be more logical, but it comes out!

JBD

OP is this about your husband not being good at present buying or is it about your marriage being unhappy?. You state you were going to divorce him twice but social services wouldn't get involved as he wasn't physically abusive. I'm not really clear on this point-why do you need Social services to get a divorce? Have you consulted a solicitor?
I think women do tend to look for meanings in presents which may not neccessarily be there. It may just be that your OH is simply not very good at buying presents. Perhaps he comes from a family where presents are not that important. Also I think some older men [which I believe you and your husband are as you have described yourself as a grandma] just are not so 'tuned in' to what women want. It sounds as if you want your husband to express something emotional with his choice of gift and it sounds as if he is on a different wavelength.

Mischa

I have been in this situation with certain gem stones in the past with my husband and I must say that in your other halfs defence, he probably got completely ripped off! Remember, cost and worth are very different things and I say this because he might (perhaps!) have gone into what to him looked like a nice jewellery store and bought something relatively expensive (to a bloke!) and thought, cool she'll love these! He probably hasn't a clue they're fake at all! On the other hand, they may be cheap and he may well know, but all I ever do is keep it in a draw for a bit, wear the item in the house in front of him because I don't want to hurt his feelings (and trust me, if you don't wear the item they notice!!), then maybe sell it and use the money to buy the actual thing I wanted or just leave it in the draw and wear it every so often. But don't be mad at him, he could be completely innocent and thought he was doing a good deed! ;-)

*Louise*

Having spoken to my own hubby about this subject he said he would prefer to be told, in a nice way that something was unsuitable so he wouldn't make the same mistake again.

So along the lines of 'darling, it was a lovely thought and I know you were trying to get something I would lke, but the fake version isn't really very suitable for me so next time could we choose something together?'


But, regarding the OP's situation, it sounds like there are many other underlying problems which are far more important than an unsuitable Christmas present

RoxieW

I would be upset if this happened to me but then I am in a loving relationship where it's expected to put thought, effort and romance into a gift. If divorce is on the cards maybe he doesnt want to paper of the cracks at xmas and spend money on you.

Buffy_the_Vampire_Bat

welshmoneylover wrote: »

One thing I've learned in life is that fellas are crap at getting christmas presents 100% correct.

Not all men are crap at buying presents (and I'm a woman so please don't think I'm a disgruntled bloke rising to the defence )

Sorry OP, I have no better advice to add than that other posters have given you. I hope you get your desired pearls in the end though

chesky369

He's probably fed up with buying presents for a woman who wants to divorce him. Do him and yourself a favour, leave him and buy your own pearls.

euronorris

I too am curious why you think social services would get involved in a divorce? Can you clarify please?

I know you stated he has thousands in his current account, but are you sure he doesn't have hidden debt that he's also trying to service? Although, can't see why he wouldn't pay it off in that case.

He may just feel that gifts are not that important and doesn't realise that they are to you (especially if you have never spoken to him about this before).

Or, he may be cr ap at buying presents. My OH is useless (and he freely admits it), so I always pull together a list of things I would like in plenty of time(usually with details of where these can be bought), so that he can then choose something(s) from the list. It means I get what I like, it's still a bit of a surprise as I don't know what he chose in the end and the pressure is taken off him.

Or, his presents could be an indication of deeper problems within the relationship.

I'm afraid you simply won't know unless you talk to him about it, calmly. Why have you not brought it up with him sooner?

3_cheeky_princesses

I think you need to sort out other problems in your relationship rather then be worried about a set of fake pearls Do you have children is that why social services are involved? Sorry if that is not the case just couldnt understand why you would contact them to leave your husband. I hope you get yourself out of the relationship if your really unhappy.

My husband is not very good at chosing me presents so he asks me what i like and i do him a "wish list" with various things i would like different prices with where to buy them from and then he choses what he wants off the list to buy me for Christmas or Birthday or Valentines etc. This way i do not know exactly what i am going to get but i know it is something i would like and need.

pattycake

At least you got a present! I told my husband I did not want anything for Christmas and he fulfilled that wish. I got nothing. I was pretty peeved at the time but I am not still brooding about it three weeks later.