xmas pressie - am still peed off

tandraig

shell - i feel so upset - thats why I am asking what others think. I may be overreacting. to another poster I would probably say - Your husband is insensitve.
I have actually tried to divorce my husband twice, and been defeated by the fact he isnt physicaly abusive and social services wont help. also, he turns charming when I leave. and i am really stupid and fall for it, and believe him when he says 'I am his soul mate' and he will change.
I see him now for what he really is. I stay, but , in my mind its on my terms.
thats no reason to insult me though - is it?

KiKi

I'm a girl - and I would have NO clue whatsoever if pearls were real or fakes. I would have no clue about perfume, either, or gold.

It depends what the motivation is. If he is thoughtless, unkind and generally doesn't bother then I'd be upset. But then I also wouldn't be with him.

Without trying to be stereotypical - most guys just don't see material things like jewellery in the same way that girls do. He probably thinks one is as good as the other. If he's just clueless, then I would forgive that, and have a conversation with him.

Obviously, I don't know the relationship between you and your OH or what he's like, but you sound very resentful and annoyed that he hasn't got you exactly what you want. You also see it as an insult that he hasn't spent money on you. But that may not be his motivation - and he may not realise the impact. It also could be - and please don't flame me! - that although you're clear on what you like, you might have assumed that he's just as clear as you, when he's not. (As I said, I don't know because I don't know you or him.)

So, yes; I'd tell him, but I'd tell him kindly, and I wouldn't accuse him of insulting me straight away. I'd also be clear first on why you're so upset - is it that he isn't putting the thought into the present (totally understandable)? Or that he doesn't seem to know you well enough to know what you want (maybe you need to be clearer)? Or is it that he hasn't spent the money you'd have liked him to?

Hope you get it sorted.
KiKi


EDITED: to add that I've just seen your last post, and to be honest it seems that this isn't perhaps quite so much just about the present. No, it's not a reason to insult you - but you want to divorce him, let him treat you badly, go running back to him on a promise of him changing....and the part you're upset about is that the present has insulted you!!!!??? I think this is a slightly bigger issue.

Alikay

If it's just the present-buying that's upset you, I think you're being silly....lots of men don't like shopping, even more have incredibly bad taste, plus he won't have a clue about the subtleties of good and bad stuff - perfume is perfume, pearls are pearls, right?! :rotfl:

If the gift is an indictment of your marriage and his general attitude towards you (stingy, thoughtless and dishonest), well he obviously needs a kick up the bum.

DH and I don't do Christmas and birthday presents beyond chocolates/flowers etc and instead go shopping together to treat each other. That way we each get what we want, enjoy the experience (usually have a nice lunch out and buy some books or CD's too) and no-one suffers stressful shopping trips or disappointment on present-opening.

shellsuit

tandraig wrote: »

shell - i feel so upset - thats why I am asking what others think. I may be overreacting. to another poster I would probably say - Your husband is insensitve.
I have actually tried to divorce my husband twice, and been defeated by the fact he isnt physicaly abusive and social services wont help. also, he turns charming when I leave. and i am really stupid and fall for it, and believe him when he says 'I am his soul mate' and he will change.
I see him now for what he really is. I stay, but , in my mind its on my terms.
thats no reason to insult me though - is it?

If there is that kind of history between you, then I think you have every right to pull him up over it, especially as you feel so hurt.

I was going to say initially that you were ungrateful, but then I read that this wasn't the first time he had done it.

Could it have been a case of him knowing you like pearls, which prompted him to buy them, but he hasn't listened to you when you have said you can't stand fake pearls? That's fair enough, and a common man problem with some.

To be fair though, if this is a regular thing with the presents, and you've never told him before, how is he meant to know it is a problem?

Maybe he thought you wouldn't notice?

Maybe he didn't give a toss and bought them as he felt he had to get you something?

Either way, you won't know unless you ask him.

What did you buy him for Christmas?

littlemissmoney

What did you buy him for Christmas?

jackomk

I would pretend they were broken, ask him where he got the from, then when he says poundland......give it to him !!:mad:

diable

I must be lucky that my girlfriend loves silk ;o)))))

and for her last birthday I managed to get her an amethyst pendant with a small diamond set in the frame (see loves amethyst btw)

not all men are clueless when it comes to presents

BitterAndTwisted

Your husband isn't superstitious is he? My dear old Ma always told me that giving pearls for a present represented giving tears so were considered very bad luck. I reckon it's really because good pearls were always inherited, not bought.


Either way, I think you should put those fakes away in a drawer and never mention them again. Then, save up and buy your own if you really, really want some. He really dose sound like a typical lousy-present buying man to me. I knife! One Christmas back before the Flood my father bought my mother a hoover. That was kicked from one side of the room to the other and the puzzled look on my Dad's face was a picture. He never got it, the daft sod.

diable

littlemissmoney wrote: »

What did you buy him for Christmas?

Grief, don't know how it was wrapped up though :rotfl:

epsilondraconis

OP - It sounds like you need to have a sit down and talk with him about all of these issues. Perhaps he is also having some of the same thoughts as you are having. It may be that you are thinking the same thing - that the other person seems to be uninterested in them and that the spark has gone.

Maybe by both talking through these issues will help. In many cases in a relationship, the biggest problem is a lack of communication. The fact that you asked on this forum what you should do about the necklace perhaps indicates that you find it easier to talk to others rather than each other.

How about you both set aside some time this weekend to have a talk about your relationship in general and where you think things can be improved to make life a lot more exciting for the both of you.

Whatever happens, keep communicating with him so that he knows how you are feeling and talk through any problems you have. If he isn't interested in making things better then at least you know where you stand and you can deal with it. Who knows, your relationship may take on a whole new lease of life.

Good luck and keep talking...