unbiased opinions plz

whitewing

If it was just a one-off with the ex, then I would be inclined to forgive him and see where you go in the future.

I have certainly slept with ex-boyfriends in the past, when I was younger and more stupid, partly out of loneliness, maybe a bit maliciously if I knew they were seeing someone else. But there does come a point when you accept it's over for good. In some ways, initially ex's don't count, as you have slept with them before.

I would of course be extremely hurt in your situation, and he should not have done it, and must never do it again if he wants to stay with you. It will be tough to move forward though as he will still want to see his child, the situation is nothing to do with the child, and he will need to be trusted to see the child without you sometimes.

newcastlebelle

many thanks everyone for your comments........good and bad

it was a 'one-off', he deeply regrets it and swears it wont happen again

she admits she did it deliberately to keep a hold over him. she doesnt want him, nor anyone else to have him and has sworn to 'ruin his life'!!

changing phone numbers hasnt helped as she just uses his daughters phone.....even rings me on my mobile at 3am.

we all make mistakes in life, should we all be given a second chance?

Money_maker

Yes, but sex with your ex is a conscious decision not a mistake.

Good luck.

Person_one

newcastlebelle wrote: »

many thanks everyone for your comments........good and bad

it was a 'one-off', he deeply regrets it and swears it wont happen again

she admits she did it deliberately to keep a hold over him. she doesnt want him, nor anyone else to have him and has sworn to 'ruin his life'!!

changing phone numbers hasnt helped as she just uses his daughters phone.....even rings me on my mobile at 3am.

we all make mistakes in life, should we all be given a second chance?

Depends on the person in the position to grant the chance or not! I wouldn't be but if you are then good luck to you and I hope things work out how you want. I would bear in mind that if his wife really is determined to ruin his life and you become part of it then it won't be terribly pleasant for you either!

Gingham_Ribbon

Did he tell you straight away or lie to you for a while first? Did he tell you because he felt guilty or because he was worried you'd find out from someone else? Did he use a condom? These would all influence my decision, but only you can make the call.

MrsTinks

If this was a long term relationship (YEARS) and it was one single blip... they perhaps a second chance yes... but he cheated on you less than 3 months after you moved in together!!! Hello?? Of course he deeply regrets it - he gave his ex the perfect blackmail tool and eventually decided that it wasn't worth the hassle and told you looking very sorry in the hope you'd forgive him... would I trust him again? No. I'd be leaving/kicking him out about 1 minute after he'd told me. If he was serious about the new relationship then he'd be working his bottom off for the next few months proving to me that he was not only sorry but also serious about it. That would include starting harrassment suit against his ex, refusing all contact with her apart from through solicitors and sucking up for a LONG time to come.

But the point is... this is YOUR life... the choice is yours but I would seriously ask you to look at how much you value yourself if you are willing to take him back immediately with nothing more than a well acted "sorry luv"...

Pollycat

newcastlebelle wrote: »

many thanks everyone for your comments........good and bad

it was a 'one-off', he deeply regrets it and swears it wont happen again

she admits she did it deliberately to keep a hold over him. she doesnt want him, nor anyone else to have him and has sworn to 'ruin his life'!!

changing phone numbers hasnt helped as she just uses his daughters phone.....even rings me on my mobile at 3am.

we all make mistakes in life, should we all be given a second chance?

Should we all be given a second chance?
Only you can know that with reference to your specific circumstances, but if that's the decision you're going with, I hope everything works out for you both.

Disregarding the one-night-stand (if you can), I think you're going to have a massive problem with this ex-wife if she's as vindictive as you say she is.
Is there nothing you can do to stop this harrassment - which is what it seems to be to me.

celyn90

newcastlebelle wrote: »

many thanks everyone for your comments........good and bad

it was a 'one-off', he deeply regrets it and swears it wont happen again

she admits she did it deliberately to keep a hold over him. she doesnt want him, nor anyone else to have him and has sworn to 'ruin his life'!!

changing phone numbers hasnt helped as she just uses his daughters phone.....even rings me on my mobile at 3am.

we all make mistakes in life, should we all be given a second chance?

If she is repeatedly ringing your mobile at 3 am then either switch it off or report her. You can't fight harassment on his behalf - but you can fight it on yours. There is no way she should have your number.

If you are going to hang in there you need to create a paper trail and a log of these events. Show her that you will not be beaten. It will not be very pleasent.

I am not going to justify his behaviour - I think it's quite upsetting - but it sounds to me like she is dishing out a great deal of abuse and he hasn't much of a fight left in him. I had similar with my current partner (not the sleeping around bit, but certainly the nightmare ex- part). You can't fight battles for them, you can only pick up the bits and support them as they find their own way through the mess. Recently I asked my OH how he would judge his ex's behaviour if the gender roles were reversed and he just burst into tears.

Only you can decide if you want to give him another chance. Talk to him openly about it. cel x

Errata

Was it a one off ? Or was it the first time, to be followed by others ? Sorry, OP, you have no way of knowing and unfortunately talk is cheap.

leanneq

I would leave, hard as it is. It is easier to stay i know but he made the decision to have sex with her. That's just so disrespectful to you!