unbiased opinions plz

daska

He could use a separate mobile number for contacting his child - DH's provider changed his number within a couple of hours when we rang to say that his ex was harassing him.

He could just not answer the phone.

He could keep his trousers zipped.

But all in all he's obviously still in a relationship with his wife, and until he's sorted that out there isn't space for you to develop a proper relationship. Do you trust him? If you have to ask then I suggest the answer is 'no'.

Pollycat

Lotus-eater wrote: »

LOL

Always makes me laugh on forums how quickly everyone tells the OP to "LEAVE NOW!"

When they nothing about the people in reality. Most of them don't even bother to read the posts properly.
Why don't you just put it in your sig. Leave now, he's a man, he will only hurt you.

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I was laughing at other people being judgemental, are you too thick to see that?

No, I'm not thick.
Unlike some people whom you mention in your post, I DO read posts properly.

You SAID you were laughing - but you WERE being judgemental about posters always advising OPs to leave.

Money_maker

Well I am judgemental and as an outsider looking in, my unbiased opinion is I would be up and off.

You may have invested emotions in this relationship but not much time so get out whilst the goings good. The ex wife is not some old nag who keeps ringing him to upset him, nag him. She is someone he obviously still has feelings for - perhaps absence has made her more attractive.

He's a loser, theres no excuse whatsoever (whatever anyone else thinks) so save your pride, dignity and love for someone more worthy.

BTW, there was a similar post a week or two back. If you read between the 'you broke up his marriage' posts, there's some helpful information.

Michelin

Money_maker wrote: »

Well I am judgemental and as an outsider looking in, my unbiased opinion is I would be up and off.

You may have invested emotions in this relationship but not much time so get out whilst the goings good. The ex wife is not some old nag who keeps ringing him to upset him, nag him. She is someone he obviously still has feelings for - perhaps absence has made her more attractive.

He's a loser, theres no excuse whatsoever (whatever anyone else thinks) so save your pride, dignity and love for someone more worthy.

BTW, there was a similar post a week or two back. If you read between the 'you broke up his marriage' posts, there's some helpful information.

But she still wants to see if she can make this work hence the question she is asking - can I trust him again.

Not every relationship that encounters cheating is always over. It can be worked out if both parties want to do that. It is easy to say leave him or her but it is not alwasy as cut and dried as that if there is still feeling. You may be 'up and off' but that is not always the case for others.

It would be good if people that had been through this - both those that stayed and those that didn't - could give their views here and that might help the OP with her decision. I think this is definitely one of those questions that can only realistically be answered by those that have gone through it. I always say that I would not stand for it but realistically, I really don't know how I would react if I still loved that person.

Kandipandi

Like others have said only you can really decide.

If you agree to forgive and forget, this will always be in the back of your mind and the ex is going nowhere - they will be in contact one way or another for a long time to come as they have a child together, this will keep coming up again and again.

Do you think that you have found the perfect man and that you could be so happy if you could just put this to one side, and are you sure that this will never happen again, do you think that everyone you tell will tell you to dump him and find someone that adores you and would never do this to you, but you dont belive that they know him as well as you do???????

Personally I could not deal with this and I know that I deserve better than this, do you?

Good luck in whatever decision you make.

celyn90

newcastlebelle wrote: »

has changed home number once and mobile twice, but she still gets them as he speaks to his daughter every day

he told me

But there *are* ways round this. Delete (don't reply to) text messages straight away. Get his daughter to phone at prescribed pre-arranged times. Hang up if she calls without saying a word. Say nothing - nothing at all. Get a solicitor to write and ask her politely to stop. Get a restraining order in place. Harrassement is an arrestable offense.

Attention seeking is perpetuated by a response - any response. It may take a while of not responding, but people do give up eventually when the get no reinforcement for their behaviour. If she can get hold of numbers, don't change them as she will see a little victory when she gets the new one and it's this sort of one-upmanship that has to stop.

I know it is hard if you have been beaten down by this, if you are conflict shy or don't want to rock the boat but he needs to define what he thinks is acceptable behaviour then put a stop to anything outside that. Have you asked him how he feels about her contacting him?

I would also watch out for her throwing the physical contact up as a means of disrupting divorce proceedings if she is inclined to make trouble. One can hardly say that a marraige has broken down if the parties are still sleeping with each other.

It will be tough road ahead whatever you decide to do and I wish you all the best. At the moment, I think you need to talk to him. And it will hurt. cel x

peachyprice

newcastlebelle wrote: »

has changed home number once and mobile twice, but she still gets them as he speaks to his daughter every day

he told me

He can install a 'Blacklist' program on his phone, her calls/text won't get through but his daughters will.

See, there are ways around this for him, if he wants there to be. IMO that's the problem, he seems content to let the harrasment continue.

peachyprice

celyn90 wrote: »

I would also watch out for her throwing the physical contact up as a means of disrupting divorce proceedings if she is inclined to make trouble. One can hardly say that a marraige has broken down if the parties are still sleeping with each other.

x

Oh yes, I hadn't even thought of that aspect, but that would give her very strong grounds to contest the divorce.

Lotus-eater

peachyprice wrote: »

He can install a 'Blacklist' program on his phone, her calls/text won't get through but his daughters will.

Not sure about this, I know I tried it once and couldn't do it, I think it depends on your provider.

You may well be right though, he may be content to let it continue. Either because it's a link to the past that he isn't totally ok with being in the past, or because it makes him feel good, or he just feels overwhelmed with it, or something else.

Errata

Clearly the answer to the 15/20 txts and phone calls every day is for him to instruct his solicitir to write to her telling her to stop. Or is that too obvious ?