unbiased opinions plz

newcastlebelle

cant talk to my friends about this as I know they would be biased, but really need some opinions please.
awkward situation....started divorcing my husband last april, started a new relationship and moved in with him in august. his wife and teenage daughter had already moved out as they'd been having problems for years and moved in with her daughter from a previous marriage.
he visited his daughter in november for her birthday and booked into a hotel. have just found out he slept with his wife that night and she has been blackmailing him with threats of telling me. she is extremely manipulative and is using his daughter as a hold over him. she phones/texts him 15/20 times a day.......doesnt want him, just to ruin his life and nag him.
so, what should I do?
he knows what he did was wrong and deeply regrets it.....should I still trust him?

Mutter_2

You were/are having an affair with a married man and now the wife has become his mistress.

Serves you right.

newcastlebelle

she had already moved out and he had started divorce proceedings before we started our relationship

Penny35_2

Only you can decide what to do. Personally I would not not trust him.

Its not his wife or daughters at fault. It is him, he should of slept with her behind your back in you are in a committed relationship.

peachyprice

No, I don't think you should trust him, if he's been that easily 'manipulated' once, he can be 'manipulated' again.

Do bear in mind she couldn't have forced him to have sex with her if he wasn't willing.

Pollycat

Mutter wrote: »

You were/are having an affair with a married man and now the wife has become his mistress.

Serves you right.

Why don't you read (and understand) a post before jumping in with inaccurate, hurtful comments?

celyn90

I would back off until he works out what he wants. Sounds like although they had separated they still don't quite know what their relationship is and that emotions are still running high. It is difficult when you split with someone to redraw the boundaries, but you owe it to a new partner to have those boundaries set before you get involved in their life. Some people find it easy to flick the switch and have a clean break - others do not.

He should not be allowing her to text/contact like that every day and yet he is. He could stop it if he wanted it to stop.

Only you can decide if you give him another chance but I think you should be blaming him. He slept with her. She didn't force him to do that, manipulative it or not. Like it or not, he chose - then tried to hide it from you - and you have to come to terms with that.

Teenie_D

Hi don't know if I can offer much advice but it does seem an awful short time from when you started divorce proceedings and moving in with your new man. Only you can know yourself how you feel and if you trust him but personally I would leave him-you had only been living with him for 3 months and he cheated on you!

You should maybe get over your own marriage break up by having time on your own for a while and in a few months see how things are if you feel that you DO still trust him.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Lotus-eater

When you've lived with someone for that long, the bond is still very strong, even when you split up. I'm not making excuses for him, but if she came on to him very strong, it's difficult for a man to say no. He may have feelings for her still, even if she is just trying to get back at him.

You moved in quickly after his relationship broke up. It does sound like he hasn't cut off the baggage from his old one yet, maybe not enough to have a new one?

Pollycat

newcastlebelle
only you can know if you can forgive him and trust him again.

He will always have this link to his ex-wife through his daughter, he will give her away when she gets married, he will be grandfather to any children she has etc.
How exactly is he using his daughter as a hold over him?

Has he said WHY he slept with his wife?
Was he drunk?
Was it the only time?
Did he use protection? :eek:

Was he going to keep it a secret from you until his ex-wife decided to blackmail him?
You say 'you've just found out that he slept with his ex-wife' - did he confess or did she tell you?

If she phones him 15 to 20 times a day, why doesn't he change his phone number?
Is he secretly relishing this contact with his ex-wife?

I've not given you an unbiased opinion, just a few points to consider and questions to think about.

Person_one

My unbiased opinion? Leave him. If his relationship with his wife was really and truly over before you got together then this is no different than if he had cheated on you with any other woman, except this particular woman will always be part of his life. You're setting yourself up for a lot of hassle if you stay so cut your losses before things get any more serious.