I want to leave my OH but he owes me money

worriedsik

Kavanne wrote: »

Why not? if The house is hers outright. He's been livin there rent free for so long I'd say that's pretty generous on maggies part

Hi kavanne...the reason i was asking was a selfish reason because you see i done similiar...i left the home we had together morgage in both names i just wanted out and occasionally i think ''how stupid off me''

ninky_2

do you have a friend or relative you can confide in who can help you?

elfen

Aruna...GET OUT NOW. This man is not only a manipulator, but has already proven he's not beneath using physical force to get what he wants. Wait til he's out, get your paperwork and some clothes (and your mobile) and get yourself to the police station. Report him for rape, report him for what he is doing and ask them for help/access to a phone to phone Shelter or your local HA/women's refuge. Honey you need to get out now, somewhere he can't get to you, and need to get the balls rolling on getting that little *can't find a word harsh enough...but grrr* put where he belongs, away from other women so he can't do this again.

RAS

Aruna wrote: »

He actually didnt say anything but just continued with them "I'm gonna help myself to you gestures" (and ofcourse keeep the atmosphere the same), I struggled for a good 15 minutes or so telling him not to come onto me, but he is a man who has never had to take no for an answer, if he wants it he has to have it.

Same thing happened again the next day. So I had a chat with somebody after it happened the second time, and she thinks this is some form of rape. I don't know what to make of it, because I've always thought its normal for a man (long term) to resort to using physical strength, anger and agression, sometimes showing dissapointment if I say no. Tbh this is how its been all our life together and I thought it was normal.

Love

This is pure simple abuse. No means no and no man who loves a woman would do this.

Jeeps, my ex got worried because I enjoyed an early morning cuddle but did not make a lot of noise. He was worried I was not enjoying it!

This is not normal behaviour and you need to get out urgently.

SuziQ

I haven't read the full thread,so apologies if this has already be said. A friend in a similar situation took her ex to small claims. For the amount you are owed ( up to £5,000)the court fee is £120. My friend lost her claim as it was decided that as she had continued to 'lend' money despite the earlier amounts not being repaid,she knew she wouldn't get any back. As others have already said, I would see this a pretty cheap lesson considering what a leech he is!

thorsoak

Aruna - will you let us know that everything is ok please? You haven't posted since 17th .........

Money_maker

She logged in on 20th - hopefully she's okay.

merlin68

I was with a guy like this once, once he started asking me to have sex with his lesbian ex girlfeind and her new girlfriend and asked me to film sex on webcam. I was out. What if you get pregnant by him.
Then I found he'd been texting women for phone sex as well.

*Louise*

Jut found this thread. Aruna, hopefully you are in the process of moving and haven't had the time to update

So pleased you have decided to get rid - no one deserves to be treated the way you have been, £1600 is a small price to pay to get your life back.

Best of luck - please let us know how you get on x

Aruna

Thanks you all for your replies once again. You are all so amazingly caring, I am struggling to hold back tears. My apologies for not being able to reply to all the individual posts.

In brief, this is what's happened so far,

On saturday and sunday he slept on the sofa, and i was so relieved, hoped it stayed that way till the day i leave.

Monday when i got in from work (about 11pm), he stayed up till late watching tv and then moved back into the bedroom around 1am. Again he came closer, initially saying "I'm not gonna do anything, just wanna lie on top of you and cuddle up", and again he managed to get his way after about 45 minutes of his usual persistent style. He then waited for an hour or so and repeated again. I will not go into detail because as i'm now aware that what he is doing is wrong, it certainly will be too graphic and upsetting for everyone here - this is a man who if i tell him i'm not comfortable or this hurts he will not listen, stop or slow down, pain seems to turn him on. As usual afterwards he fell asleep straight away, I didn't until about 5 or 6am.

When i went to work the next day, i felt tired, drained and shaky, and close to tears all day. I felt angry as well and could not eat. So i phoned my friend (the one who told me that this was marital rape), and explained everything that had happened. she offered me a place to stay since tuesday and when i logged on on the 20th i was at hers showing her this thread.

I spent tuesday, wednesday, and thursday night at my friends's OH did not bother to phone me to see if i was ok or why i hadnt come home until thursday nite (AT 1.15AM). I actually think he only rang because when i left, the electric prepay was on reserve and needed topping up!! He rang saying he was worried because i just went off without saying anything, all i said was "i'm fine, thanks for worrying, and i will see you on friday"

I'm at the flat now, (place looked unusually tidy than it does if i'm away) he hasnt made any advances, so i'm thinking he's bringing women in already???

i will take my paperwork, laptop, few clothes and leave either on saturday or sunday while he's out.

my friend suggested that i contact rape crisis and the police, but i'm worried about going down that route - fear of not being believed. I believe if he can do this to me, he will do it again to another woman and at some point will get done for it.


Thank you all so much.

xx