I want to leave my OH but he owes me money

Aruna

maggied wrote: »

Oh sweet - if you lived round the corner I'd be coming to get you right now. What a manipulative little !!!!!!!! How dare he coerse you into having sex in this way - call his bluff and get out - let's see how much he sulks then. He sounds likes he's been chipping away at you for a while - don't let him grind you down any more.

It sounds like you have the logistics sorted so cut all ties and get out of there - it won't be as straightforward as I'm making it sound but you've all the support you need on here.

C xxxx

aww:kisses3:, :A thank you....:):)

you remind me of my friend M.C:kisses3: - who's been my rock lately

Ladyhawk

Well done Aruna for making the decision and acting on it. Please keep us informed. I am so sorry that you have had to go throught such an traumatic experience.

I know it is difficult - I called the police on a housemate who came into my bedroom one night and touched me... they were really supportive and believed me 100%. You might just want to log this with the police - and maybe one day it will help convict him of another sexual assault.

Good luck!

Greener_Grass

I'm so pleased you are getting out! I can understand the concept of reporting him to the police is scary but you must think about women he goes out with in the future. He needs to be stopped now!

Please let us know how you are getting on, everyone here is worried and concerned about you xx

Money_maker

Glad to hear you are okay. Make sure you have all the bits that you need to take - you dont want to have to return for anything.

Yes - once you have left for good, make sure you do report this to the police. This thread is traumatic reading, makes you feel hopelessly helpless to read about what is happening to you and unable to physically come round and give this scum exactly what he deserves.

Please make yourself safe as soon as possible... and don't look back.
Good luck x

zzzLazyDaisy

Just wanted to give you a hug and to reassure you that the police DO take these things seriously.

My bf's lodger is currently in prison on remand for exactly this type of complaint. His live in girlfriend reported him to the police for three incidents of rape. We were friendly with both of them and they seemed like a happy couple, there was certainly nothing to suggest that this behaviour had been going on under bf's roof. tbh because of things that the gf has since said, I do wonder if the complaints were malicious, but that isn't for me to judge - the fact is that the police took her complaints very seriously and the case is waiting to go to court.

PLEASE don't hang around. Get your stuff and just get out of there.

Hugs

Daisy

Aruna

Went to bed about 215am this morning, oh (or shall i say ex) waited till i fell asleep and moved closer, waking me up in the process. I said i needed to sleep and he should not be disturbing me. He was a little different this time, though still trying to force, he wasnt forcing for sex but for a cuddle and caress instead. When i kept pushing him away, he then asked why I'm doing this - and i said its best if i did not share my feelings with him. Next he was pushing for a conversation, something he never does, he needed us to talk - this is very shocking to me, because normally he just wants to bam wham (without the thank you maam).

He asked why i've been denying him - and i said "put yourself in my shoes"

From talking to him, it seems he strongly believes that his actions are justified, him being cold towards me if he does not get his way is perfectly alright because as the woman in his life i should be supportive of him in all ways, - in other words agree with him and go by what he says, which means, drop the debit and credit cards at the click of a finger without asking any questions, same thing with the knickers. In other words, i have to be the yes yes woman, let him lead the way (because he is THE MAN). It kind of tallies with with how our life has been, he was only nice to me if he got what he wanted, i have had to pay for affection, cuddles, or happiness throughout our life!! Now that i've stopped paying everything is in ruins. Once again he made reference to the time that I pulled out of the joint account we once had, saying to him this showed that i wanted to do my own thing and wasnt as supportive as i should be.

I asked him why he forces himself on me nearly all the time - his answer was

"for you, no means yes" how shocking is that?

Also asked why he never makes an effort to make me want it, at least start off by being nice during the day, talking to me, being friendly etc, his answer was pretty much if he hasnt had his way he's not happy enough to do that, i should still be able to please him in the bedroom because i am the only woman in his life as he can't get it nowhere else.

I also asked why he still expects me to sleep with him after he's told me to leave each time he does not have his way - initially he denied asking me to leave but when i cornered him with some of his statements he said he did not mean it like that, that i misunderstood him!! That I was emotional and twisted his statements to suit my emotions at the time.

So in the end I said to him I dont think i was born to be a yes yes woman, and to that he said knew all along, which means he only hung about because of financial gain. He also said it is not going to work if i'm the type of woman i've been lately. I think he said this so he can give himself the satisfaction that he ended it. (not me leaving him). He also said he strongly believes that wherever I go, or if I meet a anyone I will have similar problems because i'm not obedient, which means to him, a woman has to be obedient to earn love affection etc.

Later on, he came forcing for a cuddle, literary taking my arms and trying to force them round him just so i can cuddle back, asking me if i hated him, and that i should answer him now. He spent about 15 minutes asking the same question "Do you hate me, you hate me don't you?"

I am glad i had the chat with him because i know when i leave, there really is nothing to miss, feel sorry for, or come back for, the man loves himself and his c*ck too much to love anyone else. oops electricity just gone off while i'm typing, back to reserve again lol, luckily i'm using the laptop, would have lost all this typing if it was a computer!!

Aruna

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I'm so pleased you are getting out! I can understand the concept of reporting him to the police is scary but you must think about women he goes out with in the future. He needs to be stopped now!

Please let us know how you are getting on, everyone here is worried and concerned about you xx

Thank you. This is what most people have said, maybe when i leave i will have enough courange to do that, its just that i have a lot of pain and anger inside me, and if police doubt me one bit, i feel i will be devasted and might actually break down. My friend suggested i book an appointment and talk to someone anonymously at rape crisis, from there i'll be certain of what to expect should i report him to the policel

RAS

Hi

Please talk to rape crisis. What can happen is that you report the situation and they and the police take the necessary action - tests, statements but at this stage they do not arrest him.

Then if you want to proceed at a later date, or if he does this to someone else who reports him, the police have a statement on file from the time when this happened and that is much more valid in court.

Greener_Grass

I feel more shocked everytime you tell us more about this horrible man, He is truly horrible. I once was with a very horrible man but this man seems to be even worse.

Please don't believe his LIES about you never finding anyone else blah blah blah, these are indeed lies and he is clutching at straws trying to hurt you. Please see him for what he is, a pathetic coward who will end up with noone.

I don't know any women who are yes yes women or obedient women, that is a lot of rubbish. Personally I think if you are "obedient" in your relationship there is something far wrong as a relationship is a partnership and both parties should be equal.

I feel heartbroken knowing you are there suffering this kind of abuse, Do you live close so I can come and rescue you?:rotfl:

Please keep in touch, Thinking of you and hoping he keeps out your way :grouphug:xxx

BitterAndTwisted

Aruna wrote: »

Monday when i got in from work (about 11pm), he stayed up till late watching tv and then moved back into the bedroom around 1am. Again he came closer, initially saying "I'm not gonna do anything, just wanna lie on top of you and cuddle up", and again he managed to get his way after about 45 minutes of his usual persistent style. He then waited for an hour or so and repeated again. I will not go into detail because as i'm now aware that what he is doing is wrong, it certainly will be too graphic and upsetting for everyone here - this is a man who if i tell him i'm not comfortable or this hurts he will not listen, stop or slow down, pain seems to turn him on.

Obviously I don't know anything about you or your life other than what you've told us here but when I read this I WEPT for you.

Please, please do go and make an appointment with the Rape Crisis Centre. If nothing else it should help you to come to terms with what has been happening, to learn from it and to start to heal. The abuse you have suffered can result in the most profound harm to yourself, your self-image, your future relationships, your soul.

Please be assured that this is not normal, not commonplace and is not the way the majority of decent men think and behave. With luck, one day in the future you will discover this for yourself and rejoice.

I wish you all the very, very best!