I want to leave my OH but he owes me money

Aruna

Firefly wrote: »

Fantastic! You've done the right thing but beware the doubts are bound to haunt you at times. We'll all be here to reassure you at those times and you WILL get through them.

You'll have a bright future ahead.

Good luck.

you can say that again firefly, i've had mixed feelings in the last few days, mainly feeling sorry for him, worrying that he might break down or something worse, but i think i needed to learn to be a bit ruthless, otherwise I would have gone back to him - taking steps backwards after going this far is not an option. Life's too short for that (i've learnt).

Aruna

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Well done Aruna - what a brave and amazing step you have taken. I have nothing but admiration for you for escaping this dreadful man.

All the best for the future - don't forget to keep us up dated from time to time as to how you are getting on.

Thanks lady hawk, will be updating every now and again.

knithappens

Aruna wrote: »

about £1600 he's borrowed off me in the last 6 months. He says he can't pay me back now because he hasn't got the money. (he works fulltime) Is there any kind of letter I can draft and get him to sign and admit that he owes this money before I leave, (incase he denies owing this money)?

It's taken me years to realise what a gold digger he's been, he's only happy and nice to me if I give him money or my cards to withdraw cash, if I say no he distances himself from me and becomes unfriendly, cold, and moody. He snaps and becomes rude if I ask him to pay it back on the day he would have promised to

I refused to let him use my debit card on monday and he hasn't spoken to me for 7 days now, he's sleeping on the other side of the bed avoiding body contact with me. I'm fed up of buying his love all the time.:mad:

cut your losses, my ex husband has left me oin so much debt, but it was my own fault for allowing it, I am so much happier in debt but without him inthe grand schemem of things 1600 is not a bad price to pay to get rid of himonce and for all, draw a line step over i and dont look back.

Aruna

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Aruna, I hope you're ok. Reading this thread has brought back memories for me. When I was younger, I went out with a 'man' who was constantly borrowing money from me. I don't know why I put up with it, but I did. On one occassion (very close to the end of our relationship and two weeks after my dad went into intensive care) he stole every penny of my monthly salary from my bank account. I should point out that at that point he'd been sacked from his job as a pub assistant manager for having his hands in the till. After he'd stolen the money, I was so angry with him and we had a blazing row. About a week later, he complained that we hadn't slept together for three weeks. Given the fact that my dad was seriously ill AND he had stolen SO much from me in one go, it's not surprising. That night he raped me. The next morning he was my ex.

I never reported either the theft or the rape. But people who do know about it never doubted me. Take your friend's advice. I hope you've moved out now.

If you want a chat, PM me as I've kind of been there x

I now have the answer to that question - but i never had it when i was with him, i think i did it to make him happy, or to makes us happy, because if he was happy after getting money from me, then there wasn't an atmosphere in the home. It's a bit like funding someone with a drug addiction so he's calmer - so people around him don't suffer the effects of his cravings. In the long run a relationship based on what you give somebody will sure end if you stop giving - its material based.

Aruna

curlygirl1971 wrote: »

Fantastic news!! You're in charge again! You have your life back! I bet you feel like a dead weight has been lifted. It's great - am so pleased for you. Hope you are proud of yourself. You'll sort yourself out bit by bit - you do one thing at a time - You'll get yourself on track and where you want to be. I don't think you'll back

Best of luck x

Thanks curly girl i'll be around for a while, coz i've got ppi matters at FOS stage, I usually come here to read the PPI reclaimsection

Aruna

maggied wrote: »

Aruna that's great news - it takes guts to walk away from a situation like yours. Well done for being so controlled and so determined. :j

Sending you a virtual glass of wine and a huge squishy hug :beer:

C xxxx

:beer: thank you, maggied:kisses3:

Aruna

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Thanks for giving space to my questions. And thanks to those who PM'd. It has opened my eyes to debt dependency in a realtionship being just the tip of an iceberg. Aruna, hope everything works out well for you going forward.

Thanks dvardyshadow,
I trust it will, because it's now clear that its his loss, he made me see a bad woman in myself because he was so good at that if he did not have his way. It's good to be able to rediscover myself again, i know i have a long way to go, - put i've got all the time in the world to do that.

Aruna

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I feel more shocked everytime you tell us more about this horrible man, He is truly horrible. I once was with a very horrible man but this man seems to be even worse.

Please don't believe his LIES about you never finding anyone else blah blah blah, these are indeed lies and he is clutching at straws trying to hurt you. Please see him for what he is, a pathetic coward who will end up with noone.

I don't know any women who are yes yes women or obedient women, that is a lot of rubbish. Personally I think if you are "obedient" in your relationship there is something far wrong as a relationship is a partnership and both parties should be equal.

I feel heartbroken knowing you are there suffering this kind of abuse, Do you live close so I can come and rescue you?:rotfl:

Please keep in touch, Thinking of you and hoping he keeps out your way :grouphug:xxx

i'm getting there, thanks, :) many hugs and kisses

Aruna

RAS wrote: »

Based on my experience of this forum, there have been a good number of women who originally report economic abuse but are also subject to other forms of domestic abuse, which comes out once they start talking to other people. (not being sexist here but only encountered a few men on here who stayed in this sort of relationship). Sometimes the support they got on-line encourages to talk to someone in real life, sometimes it is when people start suggesting remedies that cannot be actioned because of the fear of retalitation that the abuse becomes apparent.

When someone has lived in an abusive relationship for years, their expectations of relationships are different. It seems that sometimes a financial crisis pushes them to divulge things they previous kept quiet. Once they start to operate in a different paradigm, the shift in perceptions is massive.

There are also women who have left or are about to leave abusive relationships who have often acquired substantial debts, because their partner has signed them up for joint accounts, not paid bills which have been put in their names, failed totally to provide the means to keep the roof over the families head or food on the table and often prevented them retaining employment. They have put themselves in hock to feed the kids and pay the bills.

well said RAS:T:T

Aruna

Between 4pm and now, I've had 11 texts and 34 missed calls from ex. (1 missed call from his older brother:eek::eek:

First message was to ask if i had taken his cds that he is the missing. :rotfl:that was funny - i didn't take any cds, ripped all music i needed onto computer weeks ago

second message saying we should have shared the goldfish I keep two and he keeps two, because I took the fish tank with me when i went round this afternoon - would have txd back saying 1600 can buy you more goldfish and a tank, but i'm gonna be moneysaving and not reply him:D

third message was to say i should not ignore his calls (i was sleeping for crying out loud), and i should call him so we can make arrangements for him to pay back the debt - yeah right !!

4th message - to say he's waiting for my call, his brother and his dad want to talk to me bla bla bla

the rest are just the same old
(Had my phones on silent to try and get some sleep with no interruption.)

Way forward - no txting back, phones will stay on silent and i wont pick his calls, numbers are definately changing - I'm keeping all the goldfish:D, simply because i know they're better off with me, i looked after them anyway. Time to put myself first for a change, because i have learnt that sometimes in life, the people you put first tend to put you last.

I might not be back here for some days and i think once the numbers change, the dust will settle.

To everybody who replied in this and many similar threads all i can give you back right now is a massive cyber hug and kisses:kisses3::kisses::kisses2: and thank yous to last a life time. Your advice has completely changed my life for the better.

thank you
thank you
thank you

Aruna