I want to leave my OH but he owes me money

brownbabygirl

euronorris wrote: »

Sounds just like my ex too! Is there a breeding ground somewhere for these guys???? lol

I wonder too! IDIOTS


OP, I have been through the same thing. You have had great advice and please take it. Well done for coming here and seeking support. It will help you, especially if you take the great advice you have been given. DO NOT FEAR.

Aruna

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies, just to update you on what's been happening..

The same night I last posted here, i noticed that he was sleeping a little closer to me and trying to to cuddle up - guess you all know what he was after. So I made myself very clear that I'm happy keeping it the way it's been since I refused to give him my debit card. He actually didnt say anything but just continued with them "I'm gonna help myself to you gestures" (and ofcourse keeep the atmosphere the same), I struggled for a good 15 minutes or so telling him not to come onto me, but he is a man who has never had to take no for an answer, if he wants it he has to have it. Instead he started going on about how cruel i'm being to him by denying him sex, eventually i just gave in because I was getting tired because he was proper full on (he uses the same tact to get sex as he does to get money off me, i.e agression and physical strength if its sex). He has not bothered to ask me why i'm upset or don't want him.

Same thing happened again the next day. So I had a chat with somebody after it happened the second time, and she thinks this is some form of rape. I don't know what to make of it, because I've always thought its normal for a man (long term) to resort to using physical strength, anger and agression, sometimes showing dissapointment if I say no. Tbh this is how its been all our life together and I thought it was normal.

So today, he made another move and I refused, really put my foot down, and he turned around and said "What's the point of you being here if you're denying me it?" So I said "are you saying I can only be here with you if I agree to it all the time?"

He goes, "yes"

So I said "Well now that I refused what are you gonna do about it"?

Him: "Well not very much coz you're blocking me"

Me: "blocking you?? meaning?

Him: I need a woman who wont turn me down, if you're here and not giving me it then I can't do anything about it can I?"

I did get emotional when he said this, mainly because i'm realising how he tries so hard to make me feel trivial - a bit like a bit of tissue paper he can just flush down the loo! I didnt cry in front of him, but in the bathroom.

Can I just say, the atmosphere is still the same, he makes no effort about anything whatsoever, except when he needs sex he will pretend to be nice, and if he does not get it he gets so ANGRY, and if i say angry i mean frighteningly angry, the look in his eyes changes, and he will sulk again, so the sulking goes on and on and on arrgghh - but while he's sulking, i sulk in my own ways, i dont clean up or pick up after him like i used to - he is literally a baby learning to fend for itself. I put my feet up and just chill.

I spoke to the LL today, thankfully she's very understanding, (because she's been on the receiving end of him twice) I will get the deposit back and I trust she will not say anything to him about my plans.

Gas and electrics are on prepay, and phone line and sky tv is in his name
Checked with equifax, my credit report is excellent, one dodgy thing though, someone did a search with two mobile phone companies in jan and feb 2008 using my name (I know it's definately not me coz I've been with the same company for over 6 years) - and coincidentally i know he took out a rolling contract round about the same time!

Reduced all my paperwork by a third, will keep the ones i'm taking somewhere safe and leave the rest in the folder so he suspects nothing.

I really wish him well in finding another woman he is gonna be able to use as a donkey like he did to me.

Aruna

euronorris wrote: »

Sounds just like my ex too! Is there a breeding ground somewhere for these guys???? lol

I cut my losses and left. I knew the probability of getting any money back was very slim, and even if he did agree to pay, it would keep the lines of communication open, which I didn't want. I didn't want to give him anymore opportunities to manipulate me.

6 years on, 2 weeks after I moved country, he sends me a message on FB saying how sorry he is and that he's a w a nker (thanks dear, I'd already worked that one out! lol) etc etc. I didn't respond, I just deleted the message. Funny how he came over all apologetic when he learnt I had moved to a new country. I'm convinced he (wrongly) thinks I'm loaded now and was hoping I'd take him back, pay for him etc etc.

He can take a running jump!

Can't rule that out:rotfl:

Aruna

OH came in from work an hour ago, has slept on the sofa (supposedly in protest) this is the first time he's done something like this.:eek:

Have the bed to myself tonight
maybe he's trying to manipulate me again

delain

Well done you! sounds like you're all sorted :T

Greener_Grass

Aruna, I am so sorry to hear of your awful situation and was truly upset reading about him demanding sex from you. This is not right in any shape or form, This is a type of rape and you need to get yourself out of there asap. Just because men like sex does not give them a right to have it whenever they want. Our bodies are our own and they cannot use them whenever they feel like it. Please know this is not normal and no decent man would make you feel like this.

Please try to be strong and do not let him use you like this again. He sounds like a horrible man and you sound lovely. I hope you get out of there soon. You are worth SO much better xx

curlygirl1971

Absolutely agree with GreenerGrass. It is a kind of rape and sadly it isn't uncommon. Please continue to be strong. Am really pleased to hear that you have started preparing - am excited for you and your future without that piece of sht excuse of a man dragging you down. I know every day with him must be very hard (could you go to a friend or a relatives?) but keep focussed, remember your objectives, think of what your new life will be like, keep planning and moving forward and one day soon you will be free of him

x

ailuro2

You really need to GO NOW....

go stay with a friend or relative, or a cheap boarding house, but get out of there quick. Don't stick around and wait for more violence to happen.

worriedsik

Some words to describe him

Bully
Manipulator
User
Selfish

If i were you i would go ASAP and let him stick that in his pipe & smoke it ! , he might find another woman he can use but only for another short period these type off people never find a long term meaningful relationship
A Taker is what he is and no relationship will work for him

I will say it again, get out now the quicker the better

x

tallyhoh

Hey, its not a type of rape---it IS rape.

Don't tell him anything, just make your arrangements & leave when he's at work. Take whatever you can of any value.
Make sure he doesnt have details of any cards, just to make sure open another bank account now & close the others down without him knowing.