I want to leave my OH but he owes me money

minimoneysaver

Can you not take some items with you to help recoup your debts? I'm thinking maybe you could put some of the things you purchased on ebay to help you pay off your debts.

curlygirl1971

I can't advise you because each individual circumstance is different and each person handles things differently; but I can tell you about the situation my sister was in last year and perhaps this would be useful information for you.

She lived with a clever manipulative leech who thought he had a right to whatever he wanted and didn't see why he couldn't buy things if he didn't have the money. He also didn't see a problem with having debt and just paying back the minimum - despite the fact he had a good income and assets.

They'd used some of her savings to pay off one of his debts on the understanding he would pay her back instead and thus saving 'them' the cost of interest. He made regular payments to her that were roughly the same amount the minimum payments had been on the debt. He paid her mainly in cash and she issued no receipt but the amounts could be seen as withdrawn by him and then deposited by her.

The relationship disintergrated in part due to his attitude to money but there were other factors related to the way he wanted to live his life and also his bullying manner. She decided to leave him but wanted to get the money back first and started trying to get him to pay more off (as had previously been agreed), arguments started and went on over a period of time cumulating in him chucking her out at around 3am one night. She then tried to contact him by phone and letter to discuss the loan with him on a number of occasions. He ignored her at first and then she received a solicitor letter in which they maintained the money had been a payment to him for things he'd bought to benefit them both.

It was a large sum of money to my sister and there was also an element of not wanting him to 'win'. She decided to take him to the small claim court and it went to a hearing. She was able to demonstrate that the money had changed hands, that he had made payments to her, and that they had also discussed the matter over email over a period of time. He tried to show that the money had been a contribution to the costs he'd incurred (she also demonstrated that she had already contributed to bills etc). The rules of burden of evidence do not apply in the small claim court. The judge looked at probabilities and looking at the paperwork my sister had provided, decided that my sisters case was more likely and that her ex hadn't been able to provide a more probable story.

At the end of about 3 hours spent both in the hearing and waiting, my sister was given the judgement. We knew that her Ex wanted to avoid a CCJ at all costs and therefore before the 28 days were up he'd sold an asset and paid her in full. So it was a great result and a huge relief.

However would I ever advise my sister to go through the same again knowing what we know now? It was 8 months of stress, worrying, raking over the past, hard work preparing the case, a gut churning day in court and it could have all ended so differently.

Will £1600 back in your pocket make your life so much happier? The very best of luck in whatever you decide to do and remember that what goes around comes around.

EDIT: Just wanted to say - that

1) he was always pushing her for more and he was clever in the way he did it. She has no doubt now that she is out of it that he would have dragged her down further

2) If you have a joint account and you decide to leave you need to sort that out as a priority as any overdraft on it he uses - you are responsible for repaying.

3) Be careful if recording conversations or 'luring' him in to say things over email - if the judge thinks this has gone on he won't look favourably on what you have done - this was made quite clear in my sisters case

Morglin

Aruna wrote: »

about £1600 he's borrowed off me in the last 6 months. He says he can't pay me back now because he hasn't got the money. (he works fulltime) Is there any kind of letter I can draft and get him to sign and admit that he owes this money before I leave, (incase he denies owing this money)?

It's taken me years to realise what a gold digger he's been, he's only happy and nice to me if I give him money or my cards to withdraw cash, if I say no he distances himself from me and becomes unfriendly, cold, and moody. He snaps and becomes rude if I ask him to pay it back on the day he would have promised to

I refused to let him use my debit card on monday and he hasn't spoken to me for 7 days now, he's sleeping on the other side of the bed avoiding body contact with me. I'm fed up of buying his love all the time.:mad:

My ex owed me loadsamoney and then he cost me more to get free of him - but, happiness is more important than money, so do what makes you happy.;)

Lin

paddy's_mum

An ex did this to me - borrowed £600 (then a great deal of money, equal to a month's take home pay) because he was having a "temporary bad patch". I later discovered that he had run short because he was spending every penny on another woman behind my back. Some cheek to use my money to fund his treachery, eh?

I took it to the small claims court simply to prove to him that women don't have to be walked on and perhaps teach him a lesson or two in honesty.

The last cheque in the series of repayments ordered by the court came to, let's say, £98.82. He made the cheque out for £100 and wrote 'keep the change' across the back. The pettiness and the below-the-belt punch of that spiteful comment hit me almost harder than the knowledge of his infidelity. I later came to feel that I would rather have not had the hassle, the worry and the forced continued contact.

Faced with that exact situation today, I would say that it would have been worth £600 not to have given him an opening to hurt me further and destroy any last shreds of pity or regret I may have had for him.

Looking back, if the relatively paltry sum of £600 spent with a detective agency had shown me what he was really like before my heart got broken, it would have been one of the best investments I ever made.

pinkshoes

£1600 is nothing to pay for happiness.

Do you own the house you live in?

If not, then I would secretly arrange somewhere else to live, and a delivery van, then whilst he's at work, move out, taking everything you feel you should take i.e. if he has some items of value, take them and flog them. Empty the house if you feel it reasonable.

daska

Personally I'd split and take goods to the value of, preferably ones that you know were bought with the money he borrowed but if necessary ones he can't prove he bought (i.e. not anything he brought to the relationship). And then think how much you've saved by not getting wed and having to pay for a divorce

Aruna

miss.bint wrote: »

Are you Kerry Katona!? ;):D

Just kidding!
Seriously, don't hold your breath for getting your money back - just get rid of him now before you give in to him again!

He's a leech. And you let him, he'll bleed you dry.

:rotfl::rotfl:

now that's a little home truth there:D

Aruna

worriedsik wrote: »

Just leave he is a leach and a manipulator , could you recoup any money from items off his ?

no, there's nothing i can physically touch, its things like golf, fuel for his car, getting by a week or so before pay day, he does not like being asked what the money is for, he becomes aggressive and sulks

Aruna

Maz wrote: »

What does he need to borrow money of you for? Has he ever repaid any money to you?

No he hasn't, the only time he "paid" after maxing out the credit card at one time was a minimum of £11, or when he did pay more, he would wait a few days and re-withdraw it again - maxing out the card again.

maggied_2

Aruna - I had this with my XH - without going into the whole tale the final straw for me was when he borrowed my CC for petrol and took out a few hundred pounds on it. When I confronted him about it he said I was lucky he hadn't taken more!

I realised at that stage that if we stayed together I was always going to be on the bones of my ar*e. After we split up I had a few skint months but eventually paid off he debt we'd run up together and am now in a strong financial position which I would NEVER have been able to achieve if we'd stayed together.

£1600 is a small price to pay to be away from someone who avoids physical contact because you won't give him money. Honestly, you can make up that shortfall very quickly without someone leeching from you.

Good luck - ending a relationship is never easy but don't let this relatively small debt bind you to him - let it go - the feeling of release will be worth it