Some advice please, what would you do?

aliasojo

evian1 wrote: »

hi, well its all such a mess now! I called the crisis number and explained things to them, well anyway he's in hospital the social worker and doctors offered him a bed and he took it, but he didn't really have much choice, he has gone willingly and not been sectioned. I know he's in the right place for help but I know he'll never forgive me for this! I feel I've really let him down.

When he becomes a bit more stable he will fully understand why you wanted help for him. Your OH is not stupid, so don't treat him as if he can't understand things when he's functioning well.

You absolutely 100% did the right thing, this is one of those rare situations where there IS a right thing to do, and you did it...so don't feel guilty, feel proud you love him enough to seek help when he was clearly unable to do so for himself.

You would have let him down if you'd done nothing.

belfastgirl23

Well done. Feelings of guilt are normal enough in this sort of situation because you feel you've betrayed the trust of someone you love. But the important thing is that you have put his needs first, however uncomfortable or sad it was for you to make that call, you screwed up all your courage and did it. He may not thank you for it in the end but given his illness he won't always be the best person to judge what's right for him, sometimes you will need to be the strong one on his behalf. You've put his needs at the top of your list and you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

I hope he gets the help he needs and that you can settle back down to normal family life again. I would just say though that it might be worthwhile keeping a gentle eye on his meds in the future in the hope that it will mean you won't have to take this hard decision again.

Lots of luck

Scubabe

I can only echo what everyone else has said - good on you for getting him some help, and good on him for accepting the bed that they offered him.

Honestly, once he is better again and thinking rationally he will understand that you did exactly what you needed to do - you got him help when he was sick.

There is NOTHING that you have done which needs forgiveness, nothing at all - why would he need to forgive you for helping him?

And please don't think you have let him down, you have done the very very best thing for him you could possibly have done.

Huge cyber hugs, it sounds like you really need one. Please feel free to come back on here to offload if you feel the need, it sounds like you may not have very many people to speak to about this, but there is always someone on MSE who you can pour your heart out to.

I hope he's feeling better soon and is back home with the family and stable again in due course.

whitewing

I think you have supported your children, your partner and yourself admirably. Very well done. You have absolutely done the right thing.

Errata

Evian - I have friend who regularly has to get the hospital to take her OH in, sometimes it's voluntary and sometimes he is sectioned. He hates her for doing it at the time but when he is better he tells her that he is so glad she does it. I'm sure this is how your OH will feel once he is much better than he is now. Best wishes.

Wicked_witch

Thank you for letting us know. I am sure he will forgive you once he is well, and he is also to be congratulated for going willingly instead of making it even harder for you and the children.

seven-day-weekend

Well done, you've done the right thing for him and for the rest of your family. Sometimes we have to use tough love.

Wishing you all well for the future.

msb5262

Evian1 - everyone on this thread is clearly very proud of you and impressed by your courage; I know you found this very difficult to do but you have found the strength somehow.
I think in the future you will feel proud of yourself for your actions and when your OH is himself again, he will totally understand your reasons.

So relieved and pleased to hear that you have taken action.

Now take care of yourself and give your kids a big hug from all of us.

Best wishes

Ms B

tandraig

Evian - I know you feel you betrayed him - when what you actually did was to save him! The fact that he went willingly shows that part of him was probably relieved you took matters into your own hands and did what was best for him and your family. I applaud him for that!!! well done Evians OH!!!!
Please hun, dont beat yourself up for this - what was the alternative??? letting him deteriorate to a point where he may have done something unforgiveable? Me and the rest of the people here looking at your situation all urged you to do what you did - knowing that if we didnt and the 'news report' we were all afraid of became fact - then we would all be beating OURSELVES up for not doing enough!
I am also really hopeful, if not sure, that when your OH is himself again he will not think you betrayed him - but got him the help he needed.
now - If you need support while he is recovering - I am just a PM away and you can always post a thread - in fact i would love to know how OH is doing - and you and the kids - so please dont disappear.

Blackpool_Saver

So glad to hear this, and that he went in willingly.
You did the right thing for your children and for him. Trust me I KNOW.

Please stay on the boards and become a regular.