Some advice please, what would you do?

evian1

Me and my Oh have been together for 9yrs married for 1&1/2 we have two wonderful children. Over the passed few months my OH has accused me of lying to him but won't tell me what I've lied about! He believes I don't actually go to work when I leave in the morning (even though he has all my pay slips to prove that I have a job! and he rings me occasionally at work). He has also said that he doesn't think our children are his and said they have been swapped while they were babies (while we were on holiday DD was 8weeks and DS was 18months). He has called me & my family evil scum because he thinks we sneek around and don't tell him who is looking after our DD and DS. When DD and DS have baths they always get upset because they have to come out, they always insist that I dry them off and because they are crying cos they have to come out of the bath my OH accuses me of hurting them by pulling them on their legs or sqeezing their knees! In fact on several occasions he insists that I have hurt our children. Some days he is fine and we get on great but others he just flips and follows me round the house grinding me down. He is on medication and has been for several years but he's never spoke to me like this before. I have suggested he talk to his doctor but tells me he's fine but I can't imagine anyone else's husband call their wife scum. I have rung his doctor and explained what he's like but they said they can't do anything unless he is willing to co-operate. I just don't know what to do anymore? What would you do?

mrcow

What's he on medication for?

Wicked_witch

Evian,I am no expert but this sounds very stressful and frightening! I take it your husband suffers from some type of mental health issues? Is there anyone you and the children could go and stay with for a few days while you persuade him to sort himself out? I don't mean to sound alarmist in any way, but this sounds really 'off' to me, and I speak as someone whose own husband has had severe depression- it was only the threat of me leaving that woke him up to how bad he was being. And your husband sounds far worse than he ever was.

Good luck, I really hope you can get this sorted.

belfastgirl23

I think he has mental health issues and you need to get him to see a doctor. If he won't go then you should because it will be affecting your health as well. In fact the thing that worries me most about your post is that you're sort of thinking about how to handle it rather than realising that this is a mental health issue - which means that you've normalised the situation in order to cope with it (this is common by the way and I'm definitely not saying something negative about you, just pointing out that you are living in a very abnormal situation).

I really hope you get some help, I don't think this is a situation that you can handle alone.

evian1

I have already said that if he doesn't speak to someone I will take the kids to my mums but I know he would never forgive me and I could never break my family up.

Zazen999

Without you saying he is on medication, I would have asked what Mr Cow asked. Do you know what the medication actually is?

belfastgirl23

evian1 wrote: »

I have already said that if he doesn't speak to someone I will take the kids to my mums but I know he would never forgive me and I could never break my family up.

Do you think living in an environment where their dad thinks their mum is harming them is good for the children? I understand your reluctance but again I think you haven't let yourself see the gravity of the situation - totally understandable but you need to get help before it gets any worse. Posting on here means you know this deep down yourself, it's just screwing your courage up to act on it that is the hard thing! If your husband's mental health is getting worse, there is the potential there for him to harm either you or the children. Which would probably horrify him as well if he weren't ill.

paddy's_mum

Don't you think that you are all in grave danger? :eek:

Will you ever forgive yourself if as a result of you threatening to take the children to your mother's, which he may see as a threat since he already calls you all "evil scum", he attacks you and/or harms the children?

His comments and deteriorating behaviour have all the hallmarks of a rapid downhill slide from normality (not that I'm an expert - just expressing my deep disquiet) and in your shoes, I'd rather be making my demands that he seek help from a safe distance.

You're stood at the rim of the volcano awaiting an eruption and yet say that you "could never break [my] family up". That choice may well be taken out of your hands if he loses control and wipes the family out.

What would I do? Get to my Mum first and worry about any possible fall-out later! Good luck.

princeofpounds

Sounds very much like paranoia mental health issues. I know nothing about how to deal with this, but there are plenty of advice charities out there who can help, as can your doctor (or his, if he visits one for medication).

Seriously, I'm not sure if you realise quite how erratic and irrational this sounds because you have been living it, but for somone who doesn't know you on the outside it rings alarm bells.

mumslave

Evian1. As a mother, your very very first priority should be your children and yours safety. Your partner sounds as though he needs his medicine reassessed. Until he is stable, you should, without any doubt, go to your mothers. You say he would never forgive you if you did this...do you think he would ever forgive himself if he hurt you or the children as a result of being so unstable? Help your children, yourself AND him, remove yourself and the kids from the situation, until he has seen a doctor and his condition whatever that may be is back under control.

Wicked_witch

I honestly think that in the long term, once he has regained stability, he will forgive you!

I am going to come out and say that what is really worrying me is his saying that your children are not really yours but have been swapped. If he doesn't believe they are really his children, is he going to feel it is okay to hurt them in some way? Again, I don't want to be alarmist, but I feel I have to make this point. If it offends anyone, flame away. I'll live.