Your take on having children later in life?

Milky_Mocha

RCB28 wrote:

I was working in banking and I had a degree in Law (so I could have chosen career). My husband and I decided however that we wanted kids as soon as possible.

We are self-employed and luckily get to spend lots of time with our son and daughter.

Hi. Does that mean you did not use your degree then? I know Law takes several years to qualify. What are you self-emplolyed in at the moment? I think what would be ideal is if you can be self-employed in a rewarding job which enables you to spend a lot of time with your kids as well. I am in a job where I can work from home when needed but a lot of the work also involves visiting clients so working from home is not always feasible.

RCB28 wrote:

Children enrich your life and the love you feel for them is indescribable...
Quite simply it is an absolute blessing to be a parent...I feel very lucky indeed to have two healthy children...

I think that is a mother nature thing. So far all my friends tell me the same - what a joy it is to have kids. The world would be grossly underpopulated if that weren't the case and life would soon grind to a halt! I know for a fact that I would love to have kids at some point. Just not anytime too soon. I hope that when that time comes we wouldn't have "problems". However I don't want to rush into it purely due to the possibility that the longer I leave it the less likely I'd be able to conceive or anything like that.

Matron_2

I think its entirely up to you when you want to start a family, I had my son when I was 33, but I was trying for some years! There are always pros and cons of parenthood whatever your age. As a midwife I see lots of first time mums and although there are always lots of girls in their late teens, early twenties, there are also lots of women in the late thirties and early forties booking in - so I would say wait until you are ready, but if you're not expecting after a year of trying, then I'd advise you to seek help from GP etc.
Good Luck

RCB28

Milky_Mocha wrote:

Hi. Does that mean you did not use your degree then? I know Law takes several years to qualify. What are you self-emplolyed in at the moment? I think what would be ideal is if you can be self-employed in a rewarding job which enables you to spend a lot of time with your kids as well.


I got an upper second class honours degree in law (I only use the letters after my name in complaint letters!!!hehe)- it took 3 years - I then had to decide whether to do an LPC (legal practise course) for 1 year, which would cost a lot of money at the time and expired after a few years if I didn't go into a training contract (2 years on the job training) to be a solicitor, as it happens, despite finding my degree extremely interesting, I decided that an actual career in law, having met and worked with several solicitors during my course, was way too boring for me. I could still go back to it at any time ofcourse, if I chose to. I am only 28 after all?!

Instead my husband and I run a design and print company, from home, with me being part-time so I can be there for the kids during holidays, take them to school etc...basically it gives me a lot of freedom and I am increasing my role as my youngest starts pre-school then school, over the next 2 years.

My point is, don't put it off because of money issues, there will never be the 'right time' if you do this. Also, consider your age, I had a very low risk of Downes etc... being 23 and 25 when I had my two and I had two really easy births. A friend of mine was only 30 and her Downes risk was much higher. Society is making women believe they can have it all and that putting off children until you're in your 30s or 40s is the thing to do, I disagree.

Everyone should have children when they feel it's the right time and not feel pressured to climb the career ladder.After all, what's the point if you're going to then jack it all in and go off on Maternity leave? Worse still, if you then decide to work full-time after having a baby?! Don't get me started on that issue!!!

When you have children your whole perception changes, your priorities suddenly become very clear and living to work suddenly seems rather pathetic and unfulfilling. I'm not some Earth mother but believe me there is so much more to life. Enough of my rant, I'm off to watch Cbeebies!!!

rach1973

I had my first baby at 29 and my second at 30 (they are 16 mths apart in age)
I feel like it was the right time for me to settle down and to start a family as I had many years of partying etc

When you feel ready - go for it as I don't think there is a particular correct age to start a family. You will always get people who look down on you no matter what.

jellyhead

when i had my first at 24 it was the average age to have a first and they said 25 was 'elderly prima gravida'. i saw a consultant this week because i had problems in my first pregnancy and it was the 16-18 week bit where tests are cosidered for downs, etc. and she asked me if i wanted to have them. i said i'd be high risk anyway because i'm 33 and she said not at all, 33 is relatively young and 37 would be considered high risk - she said the average age for having a first baby is 30 now. she didn't think i was old at all.

i think everyone should do what's right for them, but i don't think having babies early just out of fear of chromosomal abnormalities or infertility is a good enough reason. if you don't feel ready then you're probably not. being pressurised into it before you're fully ready is more likely to lead to postnatal depression i think. plus, some people wouldn't be devastated if their baby had downs or if it turned out they were infertile. they'd be more likely to be able to pay for private fertility treatment anyway if they were both a bit older and had worked up to more highly paid jobs.

i felt young at 24 to be having a child, i still think it's very young. when you consider we'll live to be 80 i don't see any reason to rush into being grown-up too soon lol!

sleepless_saver

Mine were born when I was 32 and 35. I don't regret waiting, but a couple of points which definitely didn't occur to me at the time are:

1. you may still be paying for their university education when you are starting to think about working fewer hours and possible early retirement

2. you increase the chances of having teenagers plus elderly parents to look after at the same time, and if you're really unlucky (and a woman) you could be going through the menopause too!

Spendless

hif wrote:

and if you're really unlucky (and a woman) you could be going through the menopause too!

That oneonly occurred to me the other day when i was reading the thread about teenagers. 36 and a half when i had daughter, so she'll be going through hormonal changes when i'm in the menopause.

Husband was delighted when i pointed that one out!!!

JayS_3

"Mine were born when I was 32 and 35. I don't regret waiting, but a couple of points which definitely didn't occur to me at the time are:

1. you may still be paying for their university education when you are starting to think about working fewer hours and possible early retirement

2. you increase the chances of having teenagers plus elderly parents to look after at the same time, and if you're really unlucky (and a woman) you could be going through the menopause too!"


"That oneonly occurred to me the other day when i was reading the thread about teenagers. 36 and a half when i had daughter, so she'll be going through hormonal changes when i'm in the menopause."




These were going to be my points too, I had my first at 30, planned another 18 months later but had a miscarriage (started to realise you cannot 'plan' everything in life), happily had my second at 34.

Being a parent of young babies/toddlers in your thirties is not unusual, everywhere you go (post-natal groups, playgroups, nursery, infant and junior school) you find parents younger, the same age and older.

But it hits you big time, when they get to middle teens, and you are in your forties, heading to your fifties and looking at what's in your retirement fund, when you still have to plan their university education funding.

We've reached our 25th wedding anniversary, would love to go away on some romantic holiday but (due to geographical reasons) have no-one to leave the darlings with, so when you cost them into the holiday - it's too much; or you are trying to find a holiday 'they' would enjoy, when you want to plan something romantic you would enjoy.

Don't get me wrong, my husband and I loved our 10 years together before the children, and only had them when we felt the time was 'right' for both of us. I also think if we didn't have the 10 years, we would not have such a strong marriage and enough memories of a time when it was 'just us' to look back on to plan for a time when we are just a couple again (if the kids can ever afford to leave home!).

Have children when the time is right for you, but keep an eye on the future; remember you are not just having a baby, he/she will become a child, a teenager and an adult over the next 21 years.

Best wishes

Jay

mancunian_lady

First off I would like to say that I think each couple should decide themselves when it is the right time to have children or not as the case may be.

But I have noted in all of these posts that only two or three of them are from 'the children of older parents' and offer that side of the arguement. It seems to me that in nearly all of the above posts it's 'me, me, me' and no one seems to be considering the child.

I was born to a mother of 41 and a father of 46, that was 43 years ago and now I have no parents and no close aunties and uncles, and never even knew my grandparents. My daughter does remember her grandma and grandad a little, but my son does not. I think this is a valuable part of family life that both myself and my children have missed out on, although my children do still have their paternal grandparents.

As an only child I had to deal with elderly sick parents when I was in my early thirties and my children were still very young, something which other people have to deal with when their children are older and left home or at least able to look after themselves. I have no close near relatives as they have also passed away, some when I was very young and some before i was born.

I realise that I may sound a little bitter, but it is something I feel strongly about. I loved my mum and dad very much and I know they loved me, but I still think that as prospective parents you should consider the future position of the child as well as your own desires.

Best wishes to all.

Spendless

I understand what you are saying but in my case i didn't meet my husband until i was over 30.My first baby died, and i needed medical tests to confirm it wasn't genetic, which delayed next pregnancy.

Medical problems during my next pregnancy and shortly after son was born delayed the birth of daughter.(as i had to have ops done before embarking on another pregnancy).

It wasn't an option for me to become pregnant before meeting husband,unless i made a decision to go ahead with a baby without a man in my life - which of course is a whole different thread)