Your take on having children later in life?

haziec

Thanks everyone. I don't feel so selfish anymore. I'm loving things the way they are now but who knows? Next year by this time I could be v v broody!

If you love things how they are, then don't change it! As long as you BOTH feel the same way, that's great.
I was just like you enjoying my job and freedom then suddenly at 28 I KNEW, a year later (and much bitten nails) I was pregnant with our beautiful daughter, who is now 21, after a ten year gap I had two wonderful boys.
So you see there's no right and wrong way - just what's right for you, which I think is the advice you are getting on this thread!

Good luck and carry on enjoying yourselves!

Rozzie

ps I think its really nice that you enjoy treating your young relations to days out etc.

Nurse_Bambi

I'm 33 and dont have any kids yet.

I suffer from strong maternal feelings. I go through periods were I know that my body wants a baby but my logic says NOT YET. When I'm having one of these maternal periods (which last a few months at a time) I have a brief moment when I feel down after the 'fertile' time of the month has passed. Like i missed the boat or something. It only lasts a day. Does anyone else whos holding out feel like this?

I;m in the middle of my nurse training so it'll be another couple of years yet as I want to secure a job and buy a house etc. Fella wants one now. I know that fertility drops dramatically after 35 but i'll take the risk.

Also.. back to surrey! I've did a couple of weeks training in a maternity ward in surrey earlier this year. The majority of first timers were either very young, 14 - 16 or over 35s. There was a class differentiation between the two age groups too.

Freebie_Hunter_2

So I'm not the only one.
I'm approaching 28, married for 4 months, just rent the flat, work part time. I'm happy just sailing through life really.

I know that I'll eventually want family but I'm not going to be pushed by the 'body clock' thing. I know a girl who was infertile at the age of 17 and a lady who got pregnant at 48.
Everyone is different and to be honest, how do you know that if you can't concieve at 40 that you couldn't concieve at 20?

There are lots of children who need loving homes out there and if we can't produce any of our own then maybe it's Mother Nature saying, 'Hey, help me out here. Little Millie has nobody. Surely you can give all that love to her?!'

Mr FH and I are too busy enjoying our lives and considering his Mum had him in her late 30's, he pretty much has the same idea.

Yes, I do worry when I think that perhaps I don't want to be an older Mum. That there are girls younger than me who are taking their kids to school when I'm shouting at the cat because he's been naughty.
But I don't look my age and certainly don't feel it! I'm just not ready and in no financial position to have children.
I want to spend the money on other things. I like my lie-ins. I love my freedom of being able to do what I want when I want. We both do.

I think it's more selfish having a baby for a nice council house and extra benefits than not having one at all! You're being more selfish having one if you don't want it.


I'll shell 'em when I'm good and ready.
Maybe I'll never be.
I'm happy as I am where I am and that's the most important thing.
I'm allowed to be selfish for that reason - I have no kids to think about, just us! (and the cat!) ;D

chardonnay_2

understand how you feel about all the questions. myself and my dp aren't going to have any kids, but we have a wonderful life together. annoying thing is other people sticking their nose in with unwanted advice and asking when we will have kids or making hints. like someone else said it is very insensitive as you don't know the reasons behind the decision.

John_M_Business

It's that simple. When you are... if you're not, then there's always the possibility that there's a resentful parent that wishes timing were different.

Not to say that this can't change, and that 'unexpected' arrivals can't be as loved as those that were planned - but this, then, is dependent on the parents' mindset... can they change? Do they want to?

As for me, I'm very sporty and I hope that I will be in a position to play sports and games with my children. If I had waited much longer then I would probably have been 'geriatric Dad' - which, for me, is not what I want. I don't want more than a single generational gap. I am already going to be 51 when my son (the first) is 18 - that's enough space for me.

Gray0103

I thought I would just throw my tuppence worth in. I am a 31 year old guy who untill 2 years ago was quite happy playing the field, a few short term relationships along the way, but I was too immature to be interested in Kids.

2 years ago I met my current partner and wow I fell head over heals, we are due to get married this year, then its green for go for a wee laddie and lassie.

She is 33 this year but wants to do the whole wedding thing first, she has friends who did it the other way etc, but this is how she wants to do it, also being round her family niece & nephew are 8 & 11 has made me really want kids, there is no pressure from my family as my brother and his wife have deceided on the sports cars and good jobs route.

I feel now as a guy in my 30's I have matured enough that I could handle an unpredictable bundle of joy, and can provide for my family better than if I had them say 5 or 10 years ago.

I think we better start practicing again

jellyhead

i had an 'unexpected' baby at 24, halfway through uni. my uni friends have graduated and got 'proper' jobs and in their early 30's a few are starting to think about babies, most still think they're too young. in my social circle at uni i was considered horrendously young to have a child at 24. it was the national average at the time for a first child but in my town and my family most people started at 16-18. i never regretted having a child so young (although i'd have hated to have had 3 kids by 21 like my mum did) but equally i think if it hadn't happened i wouldn't have considered it until my 30's.

it's not just the age at which you have your first child, the ages between them are also something people comment and 'advise' on. again you have to take it all with a pinch of salt and do what suits you. my son was 5 before i wanted another child, it took a while and my baby is due on his 9th birthday, quite a gap but it's what suits us, it wouldn't have felt right to have kids close together in age although i realise some parents prefer it. by all means listen to the advice other people like to give about when you should start a family and when you should add to it but trust your instincts and don't have children until you both feel ready. in your 30's is not old. if you read baby mags there are plenty of people featured who are having their first or second child post 30. the average age for a first child is now something like 27 so if you balance that against all the teenage mums you know it probably means there are a fair few people waiting until they're 40 or more :-)

elona

I agree with you about the "advice" about babies etc. In my case there is nearly five years difference between my two youngest daughters but as I had three miscarriages during these years I feel that she is our special gift and we are especially blessed to have her.

It is all very well for people to advise you all they like but nature can not always be planned or controlled.

Enjoy yourselves now and in the future in the way that is right for you.

Spendless

That's a good point about the gaps. After we lost our first baby we had to wait for medical tests to be done to make sure there wasn't a medical problem before we tried again. In the meantime we'd decided to get married first so this meant our eldest wasn't born till i was 33.

I got carpal tunnel in pregnancy and went on a waiting list for the op to be done. A month before the op i got a problem with my hearing, it took 6 months before it was discovered that this was due to a benign brain tumour. I then had to wait for another op.

The surgeons for both ops said they weren't prepared to operate if i was pregnant so this delayed us trying for second.

The youngest was born when i was 36, 3 years and a month after the eldest. I conceived in the first month on each occassion.

Best wishes

quietheart

squarecat wrote:

I just had to add my tuppence worth.

Think about what you want, but be realistic. I just imagined that one day I would start trying and it would happen. Now nearly 5 years later I am just starting down the road of invasive fertility treatment (IVF late 2005/2006). I always maintained I would like at least 2 children, now that has gone out the window.

I originally turned down career opportunities because I thought it would happen quickly. Now it is difficult to juggle work and time for treatment.

Whatever you decide you have to be prepared for the possiblity of infertility, it hits all ages and you don't get any warnings, leaving it late might not give enough time to sort out any glitches.
Squarecat - don't give up on your quest for two children, we got our two boys down the ivf route, will be praying for twins for you!